tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37706621076854356972024-03-12T19:23:20.220-04:00bekah's blogI needed a place to vent and collect my thoughts. I still don't really have much of a direction with this. Right now its more or less a journal.Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.comBlogger556125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-64283308648530064092016-04-22T15:06:00.001-04:002016-04-22T15:06:42.456-04:00<div>
As many times as I've been hurt in the past, you would think that I would
have learned my lesson, right? Well...I have always been a firm believer in
second chances, so I decided to give my new fella a second chance. </div>
<br />
<div>
And honestly, I've heard about people who have given cheaters another
chance and their relationship was stronger than before and I never understood
how that was possible. Given what I've gone through with my ex husband and the
feelings toward that whole situation, I just couldn't see how someone could say
their relationship was better. I do now. I get it. I don't know how to explain
it, but I do understand now. We are closer. He hasn't lost my trust. Of course
no one is happy with my decision to get back together with him. </div>
<br />
<div>
So, here I am...giving this thing another shot. </div>
<br />
<div>
</div>
<br />
<div>
I got a call on Tuesday while I was at Lilly's game saying that an
ambulance had been called to come get Zach from his fathers house because he
wrecked a 4-wheeler. Long story short, Zach got 15 stitches all together, his
father got chewed out, and I bawled like a little baby. Zach is fine. He won't
look at his stitches though and as a boy who likes to show off his boo boos, it
is a bit unusual. My fella even insisted on going to the hospital with me. He
stayed there the entire 7 hours it took for Zach to get fixed up and discharged
and he even shook my ex's hand when we left. The stitches have to stay in for 2
weeks and changing the bandages is like pulling teeth, but Zach is a trooper.
</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-12262225743686849012016-04-12T13:58:00.001-04:002016-04-12T13:58:25.923-04:00<div>
One of the worst feelings in the world is having your heart broken. After
my divorce, I ran into this awesome and kind guy. After everything I had went
through in my failed marriage, I really needed this. He made me feel special. He
made me feel loved. We were great together. We talked all day every day and saw
each other often. I fell hard and fast for him and we were planning our future
together. </div>
<br />
<div>
That is until he admitted to cheating on me just one week ago. After
knowing everything I had been through in the past and even telling him that its
the one thing I will not tolerate, he goes and does it. He thought that he did a
good thing by telling me, and I'm happy he did. It gave me the opportunity to
end it before I got in too deep and it happened again. He swears that it won't,
but after one time of being betrayed, I just can't be sure and I have to be
careful. </div>
<br />
<div>
I've cried for 2 days straight and haven't slept worth a shit. I'm really
missing him today. My heart feels so heavy. Part of me wants to give him another
chance, but I know I can't do that. I will forever have trust issues with him
and you can't build a relationship like that. </div>
<br />
<div>
What is wrong with me? Why do I keep getting in this situation? I'm hurting
more today than I think I was when he told me. Its just hard. I hate this
feeling with a passion. Once again I don't feel like I'm not good enough. I keep
trying to tell myself that no man is worth this. I'm worth more than this. I
deserve more than this. I keep saying it, but I have yet to believe it. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-40399088762013868702014-06-12T11:10:00.002-04:002014-06-12T11:10:34.253-04:00Almost My Bday<div>
I know, I know... its been a while yet again. I don't know what's going on. I have time, I think I'm just lazy.</div>
<div>
I've realized that I'm a completely different person in my dreams than I am in real life. In my dreams I'm a leader, I'm determined, I'm a fighter. Rarely do I ever end up in any kind of danger or uncomfortable situation. Only a few times have I woken up scared out of my wits and that's usually when I dream of ghosts. I've woken up mad at hubby for things he's done in my dreams, but other than that, I wish I could be the person I dream myself to be. Last night's dream, I was in control, I was directing people, I was the leader in a group, I had great ideas, I had plans. I'm finding it more and more difficult to wake up in the mornings because I just want to keep being this person. I hit the snooze button 5 times this morning. Yesterday, I texted my boss and told her I'd be an hour late... I just wanted to keep dreaming. </div>
<div>
I've read a few articles lately about excepting your body and positive body image. I'm trying so hard to except my looks, but its hard sometimes. So here I am, this overweight short girl with feet so wide I can't wear fancy shoes, stretch marks all over my body, acne of a teenager which is rarely on my face, but everywhere else.... but I do like the look of my feet, and I know my stretch marks are from my kids, and I love my smile, my eyes and my hair. I know I'll never get back to the high school me, but I've got to find a way to love the current me or at least do something to change what I don't like. I don't run anymore. I got lazy. I've gained all my weight back. I'm back in my bigger pants. </div>
<div>
How can I take the person I am, inside and out, and turn it into the person I want to be? I want to be a leader. I want to take control. I want to be able to run without running out of breath only one minute in. </div>
<div>
I'll be 28 tomorrow. One year closer to 30. One year closer to 50. One year closer to retirement. Instead of moping around, I should be celebrating. My birthday is actually on Friday the 13th this year, its the same as when I was born. This year, there will be a full moon that day too. Last night, I burnt my fingers and my brother told me that my luck will get worse as it gets closer to my birthday. It should be getting better though, right? Since I was born on Friday the 13th, shouldn't that be a lucky day for me?</div>
<div>
Tomorrow is also Lilly's first all star game. I hope all goes well. During practice coach had her at third base and short stop, but during the scrimmage, he had her in the outfield. Looking at who our competition is, it looks like we will win the championship.</div>
<div>
Well... we bought a camper. Hubby got the one he wanted, but I didn't put up much of a fight for it. Now we just have to use it soon. </div>
<div>
It seems like everyone in the office is finding different jobs. In the little room that I'm in, 3 people have left since April and one is putting in her 2 weeks on Monday. I want to go, but I find anything. My fingers stay crossed though. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-34553755352611101232014-05-15T11:00:00.000-04:002014-05-15T11:00:07.541-04:00Yep...Its May<div>
Oh! Many many things! I swore last time that I was going to keep this up to date, but every time I thought about posting, I got lazy.</div>
<div>
My brother, Tony and his now wife Bre is living in my basement for now. Tony didn't want to keep working out on the road and their place was way too expensive. They just got married yesterday too. It wasn't anything big or formal, it was just basically the signing of the papers. I really think having him in my home is helping with my depression, too. I was actually super surprised when hubby said it was ok for them to move in, but now he complains to me about almost everything they do or don't do. </div>
<div>
Lilly's ball games are almost to an end and then All Stars start up, but she probably won't be able to play because she'll be having vacation with her father during one of the big weeks. She's so upset. She doesn't want to go on vacation now. Today is 50's day in school and she's wearing a poodle skirt. The very same one she's been wearing since Kindergarten. We just keep adjusting the waist so it fits. The softball parade was a couple weekends ago. The moms that was coordinating everything and decorating failed to tell me that the girls weren't wearing their uniforms, so Lilly was the only one. </div>
<div>
Zach is just Zach. He's been talking and walking in his sleep. I'm just waiting for the day that he sleepwalks down to the basement and crawls in bed with Tony. Zach got his first face boo boo. He kinda fell face first on a sidewalk during one of Lilly's ball games. I really think a boy pushed him, though. One of the new moms has a little boy about a year older than Zach and he's a mean little boy and the mom doesn't even watch him. I've seen him run off toward the football field and she had no idea. </div>
<div>
Hubby's been half working on the fence in the yard for about a month now. Hoping it'll get done soon so we can let the dog loose. Its not even a big section of fence. </div>
<div>
So much and yet nothing has happened in the past month or however long its been since I last posted. I haven't really done anything. No running, no workouts, nothing fun really. Just work, home, watch kids, bed. Don't even really see hubby much nowadays. Half the time my brother and Bre are out and about. Its just me and the kids. </div>
<div>
OH, yeah.... I have vertigo. Its eased up quite a bit the past couple of weeks. I can now move my head from side to side without the room spinning. Now it only happens if I look straight up or go from standing to laying down. And it gets really bad in the dark. At night, if I just roll over or get up to check on the kids, I feel like I'm drunk. The dr told me to take motion sickness pills every 8 hours, but that stuff made me so drowsy I was messing up my work, so I stopped taking it. </div>
<div>
Lilly did have a dentist appt yesterday and they said that I should get an orthodontist consult about her adult teeth. They are a bit crowded, but her baby teeth haven't even come out yet. I hope its covered in the insurance. That stuff can get pricey. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-79505126684003868552014-04-02T09:50:00.000-04:002014-04-02T09:50:06.226-04:00Stuff and Things<div>
I really need to stop waiting so long before I update. </div>
<div>
Lilly is 9! Her party went fine even though none of her friends from school showed up. Its funny, I was trying so hard to find a face painter for her party, but it would have basically been a waste of money since no one showed up. She had fun and that's all that matters. </div>
<div>
Softball has started back up. Her first game is Saturday. She's been having practice and she's been rocking it. We bought her a new helmet with a face mask since her step mother had told her that she shouldn't wear her glasses while batting in case she got hit in the face. I swear, that woman is going to kill everyone. Its slow pitch and adults are doing it, I'm sure they know what they are doing and won't hit her in the face. </div>
<div>
I tried to get hubby to get Zach to pee on a tree yesterday in our yard. Zach was excited about the idea, but then he wouldn't do it. </div>
<div>
My brother's apartment is almost all packed up and we'll be moving them in this weekend if all goes well. My basement still isn't quite ready, but it will be when the time comes. Even if I have to take another day off work to get it done. </div>
<div>
I'm actually not feeling too well today and was thinking about going home super early, but I'd hate to because I'm seriously running out of sick days I can take and its only the beginning of April. I have to leave work just a little early on Friday because Lilly has a scrimmage. </div>
<div>
I woke up around 1am to find hubby outside assembling the trampoline for the kids. I was surprised. He said he couldn't sleep which is understandable since he just came off a string of midnight shifts. </div>
<div>
Today is picture day for Lilly and she wouldn't let me do a thing with her hair. I hope she at least gets it out of her face. I've made an appointment for next week to get her hair chopped off. I wonder if she has enough to donate. </div>
<div>
April Fools Day came and went without a single prank. I only heard about one from a guy at work that his dad had played on him. </div>
<div>
I'm still trying hard to find another job. I'm focusing a lot on non-profits. I would love to get a meaningful job. That's my goal. I'd really love to work with kids, but non-profits for kids are better. I applied to one yesterday and one a couple of weeks ago. I doubt I'll get it, but I'm trying. </div>
<div>
I'm feeling a bit depressed today. I could seriously just go sit somewhere and stare off into space for the rest of the day. I have no desire to do anything or talk to anyone. Yet another reason I just really want to go home. I think what I really want to do is to be a stay at home mom. I know Zach will miss day care so maybe I can do that after he starts Kindergarten. It'll be like 2 more years so hubby will be making a few more bucks. And maybe I could get a part time job just to have some money of my own. Something that's only a couple hours for a couple of days. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I had so many ideas and dreams about what I was going to do with my life and here I am willing to just throw it all away to stay at home. I think if I did stay at home, I'd just end up getting more depressed. No one is around. My family lives so far away, my best friend isn't close enough to where I can just go to her house on a whim. I even thought about just getting a part time job at the day care, but I don't even think I want to do that anymore. Some days I just want to sit and stare at the wall and I know that's not normal. Its not even lunch time and I'm willing to throw today away. Although, I might be a little more productive at home than I would be here. I have no plans to really do anything today at work. Maybe its my medicine that's slowly making me want to just sort of disappear. I need to stop being so f'ing negative all the time. Geez.... I'm just having an off day. Ignore me. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-88492614781089242612014-03-20T11:45:00.001-04:002014-03-20T11:45:13.023-04:00Its the First Day of Spring<div>
Its so exhausting being the nice person all the time or being the negotiator or the peace keeper. Between my family and hubby's family, I'm just mentally exhausted. I keep trying to think of ways to make sure everyone is happy, but its just impossible. Especially when most of them are so stubborn and set in their own ways and don't know how to compromise. OR they go back on their word. My brain just can't handle all of this anymore, its going to explode.</div>
<div>
Lilly's birthday and party is Saturday. She picked out a Rockstar theme and I found some really pretty decorations and colors to go with it. I've invited some of her friends and I hope some of them show up. I found most of their parents on Facebook and invited them that way. At this age they are still expected to give invitations to the entire class if they hand them out. I'm not doing that. I don't want a kid that Lilly doesn't get along with to show up. Its her birthday party and she has the right to invite or not invite whomever she wants. </div>
<div>
Her gifts from me so far are- a big box of clothes with shoes, shirts, jackets, jeans and shorts-Monster High nail decorating set- purple headphones- rubber bands to make those bracelets and a bigger loom - the entire Full House series - and one more thing, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is right now. </div>
<div>
I think I'm actually thinking about taking half a day so I can go home and hit the bed. I'm so tired. I haven't stopped yawning and my jaws hurt from it. Zach slept good last night, but I woke up every hour because I just couldn't turn my brain off. I just drank a giant cup of coffee, but I could seriously close my eyes and go to sleep right now. </div>
<div>
Lilly's first ball practice is tomorrow. She's every excited about it. We do need to get her a new helmet. Hers is a little snug right now. Maybe a new glove... might hold off on that until the fall when she moves up to girl pitch. She'll need a fast pitch glove then. And she's training to be a pitcher. I think that a hard move because she loves playing first and third base and she's great at it, but I don't think any other girls on the team area wanting to be pitcher. Lilly's got one heck of an arm on her and I know she'll do great. Her father on the other hand does not want her to be pitcher and wants her to be catcher like he was. That makes me want to slap him. Let her do what she wants, not what you want her to do. She might not be good at being a catcher but rock at being pitcher. Or maybe she'll even change her mind and stay on first and third base and keep kicking butt there.</div>
<div>
OH, this morning is just dragging on. </div>
<div>
My bff and her mom are coming, hopefully this weekend, to get a bunch of stuff out of my basement. I'm charging them $300, which is almost 2 weeks of day care, for enough stuff that could make them $1,000. I don't care. I just need that stuff out. I have GOT to get down there today and tomorrow to work on getting my giant mess organized and put in bags and boxes that aren't falling apart. I have to make sure I separate what I want to keep too. </div>
<div>
I thought about leaving early to go home and take a nap, but I believe I just changed my mind. I've already used up a lot of my sick time and its still so early in the year. I should really just stay and suck it up. Maybe I'll head out to my car for an afternoon nap or something. </div>
<div>
Today is the first day of Spring and I kinda hope that winter has decided to finally head out. I love winter, but I do want to get out and start running again. The city I work in started a new program where they challenge you to walk/run 150 miles in 150 days and I've formed a team here at work and am going to do it. At the end, if you turn in your mileage, you get a t-shirt and free admission into a baseball game. I'm excited about it. Its the push I need to get back out there and lose my weight that I've gained back. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-65860225406730372712014-03-10T16:22:00.001-04:002014-03-10T16:22:44.030-04:00So Much to Write, but so Little Time....<div>
I didn't get that job I was hoping for, but there's still plenty of time to find something I really enjoy. </div>
<div>
Zach is potty trained and even does really good at night time. It just clicked one day and he was ready. He moved up to the 3 year old room in day care last week and since then he won't hardly sleep. I'm up every 30 minutes at night with him while he just lays there and cries. Sometimes if I rub his back, he'll go back to sleep. Other times, nothing helps. I am exhausted.</div>
<div>
Lilly's birthday is just a couple weeks away. I just bought her a pair of shoes for her birthday and her Full House DVD collection came in the mail last week. I'm so excited for her. I even got to invite a few of her really good friends.</div>
<div>
Don't know if I mentioned it yet, but Tony, Bre and Chris are moving into my basement, hopefully by the end of this month. Tony and Chris will be working on the road, so me and Bre will do all the moving. Hard to tell when they will even be back in. They are barely making it where they live now, so I'm going to help them out for a bit. I'm excited and its just the motivation I needed to clean out my basement. I've sold a few things already and have made a couple hundred bucks.</div>
<div>
Mom has kicked Donavan out again and he's at Jeff's. I'm not going to get into what has happened right now since its the end of the day and I want to go home, but let's just say that it'll be a while before I can calmly talk to her. I was just down there Saturday....</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-31338001054259319882014-02-24T11:55:00.001-05:002014-02-24T11:55:34.215-05:00I Just Want To AHHHHH<div>
Sometime this week, I'm supposed to find out if I got the job or not. I'm scared and excited. I want this so bad. It will open so many more doors for me, it will help me get out of this rut I'm in and this dead end job. But... I will miss it here. I've been here 6 years and I've seen so many people come and go, but I feel like it was here that I came out of my shell. My first job, I wasn't shy at all. I was young and the world was mine. But job after job, I became more afraid of crowds, to even speak my mind in front of people. I'm finally ok with talking in front of the people I work with. It might just be the new group of people here or it could be that I've been here long enough, I feel like I belong. I just want to go back to my outgoing self. </div>
<div>
If I get this job, it means so much. Its close to home. Its more money. Its the kind of job I want to do. I feel like its a job that I will look forward to going to every morning. The boss seems super nice. I'll be helping people. I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm trying to be ok with whatever they decide. I find myself wanting to get everything caught up here at work just in case I do get the new job, but then again, I just want to sit here and wait for my phone to ring.</div>
<div>
Moving on</div>
<div>
This weekend was beautiful. I finally got to get the kids out to play and I rode my bike a bit. Saturday was also cleaning day. I was on my feet from 8am to 10pm. I was so sore. I cleaned all morning, went outside to play, then cleaned and cooked all evening. My lower back still hurts. Sunday my grandparents came down for a visit and after they had left, we went to my in-laws and ordered pizza. It started snowing before we left there. Beautiful weekend-gone.</div>
<div>
I didn't take my medicine last night and I can tell. I'm getting very anxious and antsy and I kind of want to just scream. I was out and forgot to reorder it. I ordered it last night so I should have it to take tonight. I don't feel depressed, really. I did a little bit last night. Today, I just feel very anxious and my heart is racing. My body wants to constantly move, but my mind is running slow. Right now, my fingers are typing way faster than I can think and I have to keep hitting the back button. I'm so tired that my eyes hurt, but my body won't slow down enough to rest. I feel like I want to go outside and run around the block a couple of times and I am just so hungry. I can't seem to stop eating today. I don't know what's going on. I've eaten donuts, my breakfast bar, an orange, a donut stick, 2 cups of coffee and I'm still so hungry. Its not even lunch time and all I packed today was a salad. I might have to just save that for tomorrow and go out and get something. Maybe just the walk out will help calm me down a bit. And itchy... I feel ichy all over. But of course that could be the anxiety. </div>
<div>
I think soon I'm going to have a yard sale. I really need to get rid of my stuff and I would really like to have the money. I have so much stuff and it just keeps piling on. I did give a bunch away to my cousins, but I still have so much left. </div>
<div>
Ok, Ok... back to work I guess. Or lunch... </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-56603196989874355102014-02-19T11:19:00.001-05:002014-02-19T11:19:07.070-05:00Good News, Sad News<div>
Been super busy again lately, sorry for not posting. I'm trying to get a new job and also trying to get everything caught up with my current job in case I do leave. I've had a phone interview, a face to face interview and another phone interview for this one job that I want. Its so close to home and I'll make more money and it really seems like something I will enjoy doing. I should know one way or the other within a week or so. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!</div>
<div>
A lot has happened, of course. Zach is almost 100% potty trained. He is in underwear throughout the day instead of a pull up and even stays dry most of the night. We got him a toddler bed that he loves too. The night we put it up for him, he put himself to bed an hour early. Its certainly made the bedtime routine so much easier. I was worried about him constantly getting out of bed or roaming the house in the middle of the night, but he's been doing really good. </div>
<div>
I just signed Lilly up for softball so that should start real soon. She just brought home her midterm grades and I'm very proud. All A's with 2 B's in reading and spelling. She's really been trying lately. Her birthday is a little more than a month away. She's decided that she wants a dance party theme. I guess I'll have the Wii ready to go and also her little disco ball and stuff. I'm still trying to figure this one out. She's getting old enough now where I should have a separate party for family and friends. </div>
<div>
Oh, I've also began volunteering at the day care to help out with the kids when I have spare time. I love holding the babies, but will go where they need me. Friday, they were horribly short staffed, so I had some toddlers. I really do love it. </div>
<div>
We didn't really do much for Valentine's Day, but I'm not really a person to celebrate something like that. Hubby got me beautiful flowers, I got him a few little things and we went out to eat with Zach (Lilly was with her father) and had Chinese food. I did spend most of the day at the day care because I took the day off and hubby was sleeping since he had just come off midnight shift. The day after I went out and bought a bunch of Valentine candy for half off. </div>
<div>
My step dad had his first wreck on Saturday. The weather was bad, we had lots of snow and ice and he isn't a very good driver anyway. He spun out, ran through someone's yard and hit and apartment building. Thankfully he is ok and his truck only has a dent. No damage to the building. I was freaking out, but he wouldn't let me come help him out. My oldest brother was already out and about and he stopped to help. </div>
<div>
About a week ago, a guy I went to school with passed away in a car accident. He was a volunteer fire fighter from my home town, an EMT, he was in the army and did one tour in Iraq, he was a first responder and worked for the medical examiners office. He was a very busy guy. Such a nice and friendly person, it was sad to see him go. His best friend said at the funeral that he was now in Heaven helping to put out fires in Hell. And the next week we got sooo much snow. His best friend posted on Facebook that he knew it was because he was putting out fires. </div>
<div>
I think that about sums up my past month. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-60293776943192135422014-02-09T12:12:00.001-05:002014-02-09T12:12:07.411-05:00Random pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-LqUbApbvzpw/Uvb90T1Bl1I/AAAAAAAACxY/RHe0n-eFzgA/s640/blogger-image-1234404471.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-LqUbApbvzpw/Uvb90T1Bl1I/AAAAAAAACxY/RHe0n-eFzgA/s640/blogger-image-1234404471.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-I0DfsJaOUXM/Uve2o3Z69XI/AAAAAAAACzI/felJ7notvvY/s640/blogger-image--1086903005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-I0DfsJaOUXM/Uve2o3Z69XI/AAAAAAAACzI/felJ7notvvY/s640/blogger-image--1086903005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gvka9abymm4/Uve2g2a7RnI/AAAAAAAACy4/q9vrRgAlOWU/s640/blogger-image--159609762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gvka9abymm4/Uve2g2a7RnI/AAAAAAAACy4/q9vrRgAlOWU/s640/blogger-image--159609762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-z_GmzqWZVUY/Uve203rJp0I/AAAAAAAACzg/v_zpSLxakCA/s640/blogger-image--939689765.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-z_GmzqWZVUY/Uve203rJp0I/AAAAAAAACzg/v_zpSLxakCA/s640/blogger-image--939689765.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6M36xfu--fk/Uve2ZFONRmI/AAAAAAAACyo/7tY4fTMlYus/s640/blogger-image-971371970.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6M36xfu--fk/Uve2ZFONRmI/AAAAAAAACyo/7tY4fTMlYus/s640/blogger-image-971371970.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-E1ZQCHhnklA/Uve2kpv1VOI/AAAAAAAACzA/Ld7ryKzAyvk/s640/blogger-image-1666629613.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-E1ZQCHhnklA/Uve2kpv1VOI/AAAAAAAACzA/Ld7ryKzAyvk/s640/blogger-image-1666629613.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EsONXkezXHU/Uvb9wXaQLjI/AAAAAAAACxQ/-JhhNiLR4Qc/s640/blogger-image--618366337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EsONXkezXHU/Uvb9wXaQLjI/AAAAAAAACxQ/-JhhNiLR4Qc/s640/blogger-image--618366337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-vNwNCGhWHv8/Uvb-EI7hNtI/AAAAAAAACx4/CRgZ2AziYxY/s640/blogger-image--116605802.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-vNwNCGhWHv8/Uvb-EI7hNtI/AAAAAAAACx4/CRgZ2AziYxY/s640/blogger-image--116605802.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-31U8XyNa2s4/Uvb98SX5CCI/AAAAAAAACxo/FLzAJrKQTbA/s640/blogger-image-101618207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-31U8XyNa2s4/Uvb98SX5CCI/AAAAAAAACxo/FLzAJrKQTbA/s640/blogger-image-101618207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-_-ztz_FB-t8/Uve25N799SI/AAAAAAAACzo/Gdk2D1Dzk6s/s640/blogger-image-2016877118.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-_-ztz_FB-t8/Uve25N799SI/AAAAAAAACzo/Gdk2D1Dzk6s/s640/blogger-image-2016877118.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZEMOh5kWkDc/Uvb94fYw-LI/AAAAAAAACxg/8A_WlFvi_uA/s640/blogger-image-216311992.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZEMOh5kWkDc/Uvb94fYw-LI/AAAAAAAACxg/8A_WlFvi_uA/s640/blogger-image-216311992.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_NSQDM5QrUk/Uvb-AH-kfoI/AAAAAAAACxw/29Rgg8U3RRQ/s640/blogger-image--1662568886.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_NSQDM5QrUk/Uvb-AH-kfoI/AAAAAAAACxw/29Rgg8U3RRQ/s640/blogger-image--1662568886.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-LZL-xNataKg/Uve2w0xfwZI/AAAAAAAACzY/63ivxBvfsyk/s640/blogger-image--574985596.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-LZL-xNataKg/Uve2w0xfwZI/AAAAAAAACzY/63ivxBvfsyk/s640/blogger-image--574985596.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-s0xupveCyfA/Uvb9kvwCQPI/AAAAAAAACw4/Z1yLTtYsLQA/s640/blogger-image--466932977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-s0xupveCyfA/Uvb9kvwCQPI/AAAAAAAACw4/Z1yLTtYsLQA/s640/blogger-image--466932977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-mWe5IB62Sd0/Uve2co4XJ-I/AAAAAAAACyw/6Dk6sobgR6w/s640/blogger-image-939767605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-mWe5IB62Sd0/Uve2co4XJ-I/AAAAAAAACyw/6Dk6sobgR6w/s640/blogger-image-939767605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-MdBZHAkyFnA/Uvb9g0k8zQI/AAAAAAAACww/JVYPt4v6sKA/s640/blogger-image-1804999432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-MdBZHAkyFnA/Uvb9g0k8zQI/AAAAAAAACww/JVYPt4v6sKA/s640/blogger-image-1804999432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-_Uob4x2EzSY/Uvb9oGGbUiI/AAAAAAAACxA/5RxiJC92kpo/s640/blogger-image--1668614408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-_Uob4x2EzSY/Uvb9oGGbUiI/AAAAAAAACxA/5RxiJC92kpo/s640/blogger-image--1668614408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-7fnHZ9o03pA/Uvb9ryOjPPI/AAAAAAAACxI/bmN5FcNkA_w/s640/blogger-image--1250276813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-7fnHZ9o03pA/Uvb9ryOjPPI/AAAAAAAACxI/bmN5FcNkA_w/s640/blogger-image--1250276813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Oo6-PDism6s/Uve2tbxrq1I/AAAAAAAACzQ/1EXSKdEc0R8/s640/blogger-image-883180795.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Oo6-PDism6s/Uve2tbxrq1I/AAAAAAAACzQ/1EXSKdEc0R8/s640/blogger-image-883180795.jpg"></a></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-7fnHZ9o03pA/Uvb9ryOjPPI/AAAAAAAACxI/bmN5FcNkA_w/s640/blogger-image--1250276813.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-_Uob4x2EzSY/Uvb9oGGbUiI/AAAAAAAACxA/5RxiJC92kpo/s640/blogger-image--1668614408.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-MdBZHAkyFnA/Uvb9g0k8zQI/AAAAAAAACww/JVYPt4v6sKA/s640/blogger-image-1804999432.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-mWe5IB62Sd0/Uve2co4XJ-I/AAAAAAAACyw/6Dk6sobgR6w/s640/blogger-image-939767605.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-s0xupveCyfA/Uvb9kvwCQPI/AAAAAAAACw4/Z1yLTtYsLQA/s640/blogger-image--466932977.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-LZL-xNataKg/Uve2w0xfwZI/AAAAAAAACzY/63ivxBvfsyk/s640/blogger-image--574985596.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-_NSQDM5QrUk/Uvb-AH-kfoI/AAAAAAAACxw/29Rgg8U3RRQ/s640/blogger-image--1662568886.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZEMOh5kWkDc/Uvb94fYw-LI/AAAAAAAACxg/8A_WlFvi_uA/s640/blogger-image-216311992.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-_-ztz_FB-t8/Uve25N799SI/AAAAAAAACzo/Gdk2D1Dzk6s/s640/blogger-image-2016877118.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-31U8XyNa2s4/Uvb98SX5CCI/AAAAAAAACxo/FLzAJrKQTbA/s640/blogger-image-101618207.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-vNwNCGhWHv8/Uvb-EI7hNtI/AAAAAAAACx4/CRgZ2AziYxY/s640/blogger-image--116605802.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EsONXkezXHU/Uvb9wXaQLjI/AAAAAAAACxQ/-JhhNiLR4Qc/s640/blogger-image--618366337.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-E1ZQCHhnklA/Uve2kpv1VOI/AAAAAAAACzA/Ld7ryKzAyvk/s640/blogger-image-1666629613.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6M36xfu--fk/Uve2ZFONRmI/AAAAAAAACyo/7tY4fTMlYus/s640/blogger-image-971371970.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-z_GmzqWZVUY/Uve203rJp0I/AAAAAAAACzg/v_zpSLxakCA/s640/blogger-image--939689765.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gvka9abymm4/Uve2g2a7RnI/AAAAAAAACy4/q9vrRgAlOWU/s640/blogger-image--159609762.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-I0DfsJaOUXM/Uve2o3Z69XI/AAAAAAAACzI/felJ7notvvY/s640/blogger-image--1086903005.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-LqUbApbvzpw/Uvb90T1Bl1I/AAAAAAAACxY/RHe0n-eFzgA/s640/blogger-image-1234404471.jpg"></div>Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-71309367649135120692014-01-29T11:21:00.001-05:002014-01-29T11:21:45.546-05:00New StuffI'm putting off counseling for a bit. I'm thinking of a new way to go about things. I think I'm just going to try to occupy myself so I don't really have time to think. There's so many things that I want to do and places I want to go, but I'm kinda stuck in this rut and this routine is getting old. My bff and I started making lists of things we wanted to accomplish before each milestone birthday. For example- When we were 21, we made a list of 25 things we wanted to do before we turned 25 and now we are working on a list of 30 things we want to do before we turn 30. I'm sure I've mentioned it before and maybe even posted my list. Well... I'm going to get down and serious about this list and get things done. I've even made a bucket list of things I want to do or accomplish before I die. So here's my list of 30 things...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
30 Things to do before I’m 30</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<ol style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">Buy a house (checked off)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">Empty storage building</span> and have yard sale (half checked off)<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Organize photo albums<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Go canoeing<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Get a new job/or great at my current job<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">Get a new car (got a different car, not new but new to me)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">Take up a new hobby (working out count?)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Make a Thanksgiving dinner<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Drink a fancy wine<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Get back to pre-Lilly weight<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Get a new hairdo<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Go to the beach</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Ride a horse<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Get a tattoo for Zach</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Have 2 more people I consider close friends</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Learn how use a sewing machine</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Run a half marathon</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">Take kids to museum</span> (checked off)</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Ride in a big boat</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Ride in an airplane for the first time</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Go ice skating </li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Go Zip lining</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Go to Disneyworld/land</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Be in the best shape of my life on my 30<sup>th</sup> birthday</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Ride in a train</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Take kids camping</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">See a flash mob</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Get my house organized and decorated</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Be a secret Santa for a needy family</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">Take a REAL vacation</li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;">
And I found this website bucketlist.org where I've made my bucket list. Here's that one, some of it does correspond with my 30's list.</div>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEzv/">Ride in a hot air balloon</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsU/">Cook a big holiday feast</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsT/">Take kids to Legoland</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsS/">Start a Family Cookbook</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsQ/">Walk Through a Corn Maze</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsP/">Spend Christmas, with my family, in a Cabin, in the snow in the mountains</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsD/">Learn archery</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsC/">Learn a new language</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsB/">Pay for a Stranger's Dinner</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsA/">Watch a meteor shower</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs9/">Have a picnic in Central Park, New York</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs8/">Be Part of a Flash Mob</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs7/">Go Rock-Climbing</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs6/">Visit the Louvre in Paris</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs5/">Go Geocaching</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs3/">Visit machu pichu</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs2/">Go to the Egyptian pyraminds</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs1/">Go to the airport and take a random flight</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEs0/">Do a road trip across America</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsz/">Visit every state in the USA</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsy/">See the 7 wonders of the world!</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsx/">Visit Stonehenge</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsw/">Climb up the Statue of Liberty</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsv/">Fly First Class</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsu/">Visit sydney, Australia</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEst/">Visit Niagara Falls</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEss/">Ride a Gondola in Venice, Italy</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsr/">Visit Times Square</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsq/">Go on a cruise</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsp/">Visit disney land</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEso/">See Colosseum (Rome, Italy)</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsn/">Visit a castle</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsm/">Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsl/">Walk on the Great Wall of China</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsk/">Travel to New York</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsj/">Travel to Italy</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsi/">Complete the Spartan Sprint</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsh/">Extreme Tubing on a whitewater river</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsg/">Paddle through a Medieval Town</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsf/">Give money to a homeless person</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEse/">Go on a cruise</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsd/">See the Grand Canyon</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsc/">Swim with Dolphins</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsb/">See a Cirque de Soleil show</a> </li>
<li><i class="icon-li icon-check-empty"></i><a class="item" href="http://bucketlist.org/i/jEsa/">Visit the White House</a> </li>
<br />
So, I better get to work in making these things happen. <br />
<br />
Zach's party went ok. There was a snow storm, so only like 20 people came, but he had a blast and that's all that matters. His best friend showed up too. The weather has been horribly old lately, but I don't mind it. We've played in the snow so many times too. I just realized the other day that I cannot find the 4 shirts I bought Zach for Christmas. He has never worn them! I can find all his other clothes that he got for Christmas, but not what I got him. I keep looking, but I can't find it.<br />
I'm not really in a better mood persay, I do think I still need therapy and/or someone to talk to, but I'm going to try just occupying myself first and see how that goes. I'm sure the kids will enjoy doing so many new things too. Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-63260115049903633832014-01-24T10:20:00.000-05:002014-01-24T10:20:11.791-05:00Freaking Out<div>
I think its time for me to seek counseling for myself. This medication just isn't enough. I need someone to talk to. I don't really have anyone. I got online and looked up a therapist and it asked to fill out forms before coming in for an appt. I almost cried just reading the forms asking about abuse and depression.... I wanted to call or text someone to even talk about my feelings for that and I couldn't think of a single person I could talk to about it. My mom maybe. So I resorted to my blog to express myself. </div>
<div>
I'm deeply burdened by so many things and I'm about to explode. I came to the harsh realization that if it wasn't for handful of people in life, 2 are my kids, I probably would have ended my life by now. My kids and my younger brothers are the only things keeping me alive right now. I constantly am thinking about wrecking my car while driving. I wonder if I was just injured, who would show up in the hospital... if I died, who would really care. I know I have plenty of people in my life, but who are the ones that actually care and love me for me. Things are just bad right now. My medicine isn't working or something. Its not just people, its situations that I'm beginning to not be able to deal with. I don't enjoy doing anything anymore and its like I have to force myself to engage in anything. For the sake of my kids, I'm trying so hard to not become a bedridden hermit. My kids are my pride and joy and I can't stand the thought of leaving them. </div>
<div>
Memories of past abuse have been circling my head constantly lately. I've forgiven most of the abuse and I've tried to forget, but it just keeps coming back. And then there's the present... hubby who recently got caught trying to cheat on me, who doesn't help out unless I'm at my breaking point and have to ask him 10 times, who sits in front of the tv or on his phone all day, who hardly is home, who yells at me over the littlest things, who gets very upset when I try to express myself or feelings, who won't sit down and have a serious conversation with me, who makes me feel like everything is my fault and I'm the one to blame, who just last night got mad at me and spent the night on the couch because I got mad that he let Zach stay up until 10:00, who makes me feel guilty for everything, who only thinks of himself and does what he wants when he wants..... I'm about to break. Here's exactly what happened last night-</div>
<div>
At 8:15 I told hubby to put the kids to bed and I hopped in the shower. 8:45 I got out and put leftover dinner in the fridge and cleaned up a bit. He was in the living room watching tv or whatever. 9:00 I went in the kids rooms and turned off the tv and told them 'night. Zach wanted to get up to tell Oreo and hubby night. I picked him up and carried him in to hubby and sat him on his lap. I said, "Zach wanted to tell you goodnight. I'm going to go dry my hair. Put him back in bed and change his diaper." Him-"Does he need a diaper change?" Me-"He doesn't have a night time diaper on" and I walked off. While drying my hair, Oreo peed in the floor, hubby cussed and threw a fit, put the dog out and cleaned it up. After I was done, I sat on my bed and watched tv until 10. Zach started crying. I go in his room and his tv is on! Hubby comes in the room. Me- "Why is Zach's tv on?" Him-"What do you mean?" Me-"His tv is on, its 10, I turned it off" Him-"When did you turn it off?" Me-"At 9:00 when I brought him to you." Him- "I let him turn it back on when I brought him back to bed" Me-"Why?" Him-"I didn't know what time it was." Me-"His tv was off late at night, why would you let him turn it back on." (note- we are talking in normal voices and still in Zach's room) Him-"You don't have to badger me" Me-"I'm not going to be able to get him up on the morning now." I walk off and go to my bedroom. He comes in a minute later. Him yelling-"You don't have to yell at me, I'm trying" I don't say anything and I never yelled. He walks in the bathroom and I hear him texting on his phone. He walks out and back in the living room where he stays all night. WTF happened? This crap right there is an every day thing with him. I can't acknowledge that anything is wrong or he goes off the deep-end and makes me feel so horrible. It took me 20 minutes to get Zach up out of bed this morning. He woke up twice last night just screaming and crying. Hubby made no effort to get up like always. </div>
<div>
I can't even talk to him about what happened last night. If the past has taught me anything its that he will either yell at me and tell me its my fault or tell me I need an attitude adjustment and storm out the door and not come back until well after midnight while I'm sitting with the kids alone crying my eyes out wondering where the hell he is.</div>
<div>
Last night before all that happened, I told him that since he is off for the next week, I want him to get Zach's toddler bed in his room tomorrow (today). He said he couldn't I asked why and he said he has things to do. I ask what and he says things. I ask what things and he says that he can't tell me. I sit and stare at him waiting on an answer and he gets up and walks off. He's been telling me since Halloween that he was going to get Zach's bed up and what in the world could he be doing that he can't tell me? After just 2 months of catching him trying to cheat on me, this is not something I want to hear. </div>
<div>
All this, is everyday. Every single day. And then you throw in the stress of everything else and I'm about to explode- Work, kids fighting, cooking, cleaning, the dog, my own family stress and problems, money, no time, softball, homework, and trying to please everyone... I don't know how much more I can handle. </div>
<div>
That's why I looked up a therapist. That's why I'm sitting here typing this. I have no one to talk to about any of this, about how I feel, about what I'm going through, about the stress, about the flashbacks, about the never ending fight to hold back tears...... </div>
<div>
Honestly there's one person I think would understand everything, but I can't really talk to her or I'll be betraying hubby. He hasn't talked to her in over a year, and I'm friendly with her, but that's it. I do miss her and right now I feel like I need her, but I can't. </div>
<div>
On a lighter note, Zach's party is tomorrow. I have no idea how many people are coming. I'm fully stressing about it. I'm out of money and there are still things I need to buy. Hubby hasn't chipped in at all. He ordered the cake for 30 people after I told him that more than was invited, so now I'm going to make cupcakes too. That's all he's done. I got the gifts, I got the decorations, I got the place. Now I'm freaking out because I have to get a few more things and finish paying for the place and I can't, but I'm afraid to ask hubby for money. I hope everything goes ok.</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-4384260242416568682014-01-22T13:41:00.001-05:002014-01-22T13:41:41.479-05:00Sick, Snow, Rambles and BabiesI was sick all weekend... I was dizzy, my body ached, my throat was sore and swollen, I constantly had a headache... I'm still a little sick today, but I'm feeling better. <br />
Yesterday was Zach's third birthday. I took the day off to spend with him and Lilly was home too because school was canceled due to snow. We played in the snow until Zach went face first into the snow off of a sled. His face was so cold and he wouldn't stop crying so we went in to warm up. At 4:15, the time he was born, me and Lilly sang him "Happy Birthday" and I lit a candle for him to blow out. He was going around all day singing happy birthday to himself too. It was too cute. His party is Saturday and I think I'm ready for it now. I just have to buy some cupcake mix and a helium tank and we're all set. <br />
The water here is supposed to be fine now, but I can still smell the chemical in it. We still aren't drinking or cooking with it. Mom was convinced that I was sick because of the water. I thought I had a douse of the flu. I never got any rest to help me get rid of it. Today is my first day back at work and I'm feeling a little better. I still could use some sleep and maybe some soup....<br />
Ok, so... all my life, I saw myself with 3 kids. I've always wanted 3. I tried to have a serious talk with hubby about having another child, but he just wasn't having it. He said he was done having kids and that is that. I don't know what his big deal is. He doesn't really deal with the kids... I do it all. He only jumps in when I tell him I need him to. Yeah, we'd probably have to move or build on to our house and I told him that we could wait a couple of year until he's making great money... but he didn't want to hear any of it. I really want another kid. I really do. Children just bring so much joy to my life. I love my kids to death. Yes, I do have days when I want to pull my hair out and there are days when all they do is fight and cry, but its all worth it. Part of me is wondering if he doesn't want to have another one because he doesn't plan on staying with me. I believe I did write about me catching him trying to cheat on me. I forgive too easily. If he's not happy in this marriage then he needs to attempt to fix what he belives is wrong or he needs to leave. I love him and I would like to go to counseling. The last thing I want is to be cheated on. I'd rather him just leave. I'll be happy alone with the kids. I've asked him about counseling before and he just says that he doesn't have the time. Maybe I should go. But a marriage cannot be one sided. Both people have to make an effort. That's one of the biggest problems. I try too hard and he doesn't try at all. I keep thinking that if I keep trying and be a wonderful wife, everything that he wants, that he will begin to make an effort and not try to sneak behind my back. I keep thinking that, but it hasn't worked yet. I guess he will never change. Part of me wonders why I stay. If he's clearly not happy and I'm not happy because he's not happy, then what's the good in it? Well.... that paragraph took a turn, didn't it? Ok, I want another kid, I want to stay with hubby, but if he's not happy and not willing to try then there's not point and I know I'll be happy no matter what happens. I love him, but if he can't love me back, I'm not going to fight for it and I'll continue on with my life and focus all my energy on the kids. I thought that by being on these anti-depressants, it would make my outlook on my marriage change, but just because I'm happier doens't mean he is. He's been drifting away before we even got married. He was wondering eyes and is very secretive and I've caught him a few times trying to cheat on me. Am I stupid to stay?<br />
Going off that topic now.... I think I've made up my mind.. If I ever make it back to school, I'm going to major in Business. It just seems like the most logical thing to do. Its what I know even though I don't really want to know it. That's what working at a bank for 6 years will do to you. I wonder if I'd be happy as a teller. At least then I could work with the public again. There's this place that is about to open up about half an hour from my house.... its kind of a recovery place for babies that are born addicted to drugs. I've looked into working there and the only thing I qualify for is front desk and it makes minimum wage. They are recruiting volunteers to come in and cuddle with the babies. I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT, but I don't have time to drive down there and cuddle. Maybe if they expand, they can open an office in the city I work and I can go cuddle babies on my lunch hour. <br />
I'm about to fall asleep due to lack of sleep these past 5 days, so I'm going to go make me some coffee.Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-58257971954001361922014-01-17T14:41:00.001-05:002014-01-17T14:41:31.323-05:00Bad Water<div>
This past week has been difficult. Last Thursday there was chemical spill in the river and it swept into our water systems. We couldn't drink, wash, bathe or use the water in anyway. It smelled like candy and was bluish. We were put into a state of emergency. Friday, work was closed, schools were closed, day cares were closed, all restaurants were closed. I stayed in the house with the kids, I melted down the ice that we had in the ice tray and turned it off. I shut off the faucet to Zach's sink. By Friday night, I was reading on the news that most stores were out of bottled water. Saturday there were trucks upon trucks of water coming in. I went to the fire station and picked up 2 cases for my grandparents and took it to them. I went to the store and bought 2 cases of bottled water and 4 gallon jugs. Sunday, I went to mom's since she had clean water and me and the kids took showers. I filled up my empty containers and even the big 6 gallon water jugs we had stored away. On Monday, work was opened, they had bottled water coming in and hand sanitizer. I didn't go. Stayed home Tuesday too. Monday night, a few places were cleared to begin cleaning out their systems at home. I was not one of them. Work and my grandparents were clear. Slowly, throughout the week, more places were clear. As of 12:30 today, everyone was in the clear. We got cleared yesterday morning. We flushed out our systems, but I can still smell it. There's been reports of people breaking out in rashes and getting sick even after their water was in the clear. We aren't going to drink it for a long time. Zach did take a shower last night and he's fine. I brushed my teeth and washed my hands with the water and I'm fine. My bff took showers while NOT in the clear and she's fine. Its kinda like a hit and miss on who is getting sick from the water. </div>
<div>
Wednesday, Lilly went to grandma's to shower and Zach came to work with me. He had fun. He watched the portable DVD player I brought. He played with his cars. We climbed the stairs. We walked to Subway and got sandwiches. At the end of the day, I got an email to not bring him in anymore because he was a distraction. He was certainly quieter than the gals in this office yelling across the room at each other. So I sent an email back saying I have no other choice, I have no one to watch him while day care is closed and I'm not using my sick days when no one is sick. So... he came to work with me the next day and Lilly went to they Y, it was open for school age kids. We stayed at my other desk that was in a room off to itself. I let him run around all crazy and do whatever he wanted. He wore himself out, but wouldn't take a nap. </div>
<div>
Zach turns 3 on Tuesday!! I just now reserved the Y for next Saturday I was going to have it at my house, but I'm just expecting way too many people to show up now. I'm so not ready for this party. I haven't ordered the cake. I don't have any decorations. Events keep sneaking up on me. I've been so preoccupied with this water situation, that I didn't realize what day it was. </div>
<div>
I have a lot of cleaning to catch up on this weekend. I wonder how much of it I'll decide to do with bottled water.</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-11688101701027287242014-01-07T14:24:00.004-05:002014-01-07T14:24:16.393-05:002014!<div>
Christmas was crazy busy, but the kids had a blast. I got to see family and eat some good food. I didn't, however, get any kind of vacation day on my week long vacation. I was always on the go. Zach was missing his friends by the end of the week and Lilly had enough of me that I sent her camping with her father's mom. I missed her, but she had fun. She went out hunting with her too. </div>
<div>
Everyone stayed up on New Years and we set off fireworks. Hubby knocked some over and we almost got hit by them, but we all survived. </div>
<div>
The weather here sucks big time. Last night it was -7 degrees and this morning it was -3 when I got in my car. We've had a few snow storms, but nothing too bad. No school yet due to snow and cold weather, so Lilly's happy over that. She says she misses her friends though. </div>
<div>
I had a filling fall out of my tooth Sunday night, so I stayed home from work yesterday. The dentist couldn't get me in until afternoon. I had a giant hole in the side of my tooth!</div>
<div>
Zach's birthday is just 2 weeks away. I went Sunday and bought his big gift... a toy toolbench with tools. We are planning for a fire truck themed birthday party.</div>
<div>
Lets see- Christmas.... I'm pretty sure the kids got everything they could want and then some. Lilly was so happy about the trampoline and Zach didn't really know what it was. I got pretty much everything I asked for... a heart rate monitor, sports bras, nice pj's.... hubby even bought me a bike. My bff got me a Yoga mat and a Yoga video. The gaming chair I bought hubby has been claimed by Zach. Lilly got so much artsy stuff that she can't decide what she wants to do first. Last night she got out 4 things and did a little of all of them and then complained that she never finished anything. </div>
<div>
I've gained almost 10 pounds back from the almost 25 that I've lost. My pants are tight again. I'm getting back on track though. I let myself slip for the holidays, but its time to stop. </div>
<div>
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and is staying warm.</div>
<div>
I know this is a really short post, but I've got a lot to do at work today. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-53157142823712373742013-12-19T10:47:00.001-05:002013-12-19T10:47:32.820-05:00Christmas is Near<div>
I feel so horrible. Last night I had a fever and a sore throat. I woke up with no fever, but a raw throat and I'm so drained. I'm eating cough drops like candy today.</div>
<div>
Christmas is less than a week away and I think I'm beginning to slack off a bit. I still have so much to wrap and I think I have one more thing to buy. I also need to get all the gifts sorted out that I've already wrapped that are going to other places. I was going to wrap last night, but with my raising fever, I just hopped in bed. </div>
<div>
Zach's Christmas party at day care was yesterday. They didn't really do anything. A teacher made ornaments with the kids picture in it, the kids decorated them for about a minute and they ate cookies. I thought Santa was going to show, but he didn't. We should have done some kind of gift exchange or something. Oh, well. </div>
<div>
Lilly's pajama day is today. She got to take her house slippers that are the Stompez where when you step down the ears pop up. They are drinking hot cocoa, watching Polar Express and eating ice cream. </div>
<div>
My head feels like its swimming and I'm floating and I just wanna go home. I hate being sick at work. At least I'm not throwing up, I guess. (knock on wood) I only have 2 hours left of sick time to take and I'm afraid that I might need it the next 3 days I'm working this year. Its only 2 hours. </div>
<div>
I'm off all next week, so don't expect an update unless I decide to download the app on my phone and post pictures. I have some cute pictures that you've been missing out on. I need to get that done. I need to get some pictures off of my phone so I won't run out of memory right when I need it most, like last year. </div>
<div>
The weather is warming up and I hate it. Its winter! Its almost Christmas! Where is the snow?? It snowed just last week and now we are going to hit temps in the 70's this weekend!! What is going on with the weather? Its crazy. This is why I'm sick. Mother Nature is so confused. Ok, I'm either going to take a nap here at my desk now or go out for an early lunch and find me some soup or something. If I don't post tomorrow, Merry Christmas!!!</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-87246877090063523992013-12-17T10:14:00.001-05:002013-12-17T10:14:34.927-05:00Randomness<div>
We are having a potluck lunch today and a gift exchange at work... so today is going to be pretty laid back. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having nightmares and I felt sick too. I have a sore throat this morning, I hope its nothing. I ran out of medicine on Sunday and forgot to order it... so I went without last night. I feel ok today. One day without won't kill me or make me crazy, right? I just don't think I can get any more until Friday when I get paid. I don't know if I should go that long without it. Hopefully with it being Christmas time, my spirits will be up and I won't come crashing down. </div>
<div>
Last night, as I lay there not sleeping, I kept thinking of all my favorite movies. I thought I'd share them on here since they seemed to be on my mind. Here they are in no particular order with the exception of Wizard of Oz, which of course if my all time #1</div>
<div>
Wizard of Oz</div>
<div>
Now and Then</div>
<div>
Remember the Titans</div>
<div>
Saving Private Ryan</div>
<div>
Forrest Gump</div>
<div>
Gone With the Wind</div>
<div>
Shawshank Redemption</div>
<div>
Schindler's List</div>
<div>
Chicago</div>
<div>
The Princess Bride</div>
<div>
The Notebook</div>
<div>
A League of Their Own</div>
<div>
... and I think I'm about to add the Hunger Games movies in the mix too. I love the movies so far, and the books were great, but I'm not sure if they are quite worthy of being on my list just yet. </div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Today Lilly is having a Winter Wonderland workshop at school where the kids get to go and buy some stuff and it helps benefit the PTO. I gave her $6 and everything there is $2, so she'll get to buy for 3 people. Last year she gave me a little ceramic flamingo that hangs on the wall, Zach got a glass votive candle holder, hubby got a 3 piece glass bowl set with flowers on them, mother in law got a Santa mug and father in law got Santa kitchen towels. She was so excited about the gifts. This year she's only getting me, hubby and Zach something. I told her she didn't have to get me anything, but she is. I remember doing these things when I was little. Mom never gave me any money to buy anything. One year I stole 50 cents from her and ended up buying my step dad (at the time) a mini screwdriver. Kids really like doing this kind of thing. It makes them proud to be able to pick something out themselves. </div>
<div>
Tomorrow, Lilly gets to wear her PJ's to school. They are going to watch the Polar Express and have hot cocoa. Zach is having his Christmas party tomorrow too. I'm leaving work early for that. </div>
<div>
Yesterday I send my big boss an email asking for a promotion/raise. I'm nervous about his answer. I haven't heard back from him yet, but saw that he did forward my email... no idea to who, but he did. I guess that's a sign of progress. I'm in desperate need of a raise. I'm so far in the hole, I've been having problems getting out. Hubby found out just how bad it is the other day and I got yelled at. I can't help it. Day care costs went up, my pay did not. The satellite bill went up, my pay did not. I'm trying. I really am. And with Christmas its just been even harder. Crossing my fingers for that raise!!</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-77744245158315243062013-12-16T15:18:00.000-05:002013-12-16T15:18:06.653-05:00100 Thing You May Not Know About Me2 posts in one day... I'm on a roll<br />
<br />
<div>
1- I've never been to a beach<br />2- I'm afraid of deep water<br />3- I don't make friends <span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">easily. I tend to keep my distance from people<br />4- I love to cook but sometimes I'm really bad at it<br />5- I hate to clean. I do the bare minimum. <br />6- I cannot sleep with socks on<br />7- I've never been on an airplane<br />8- I've been in 2 bad car wrecks that have totaled my car. Both of them in a Ford<br />9- my favorite sounds are- newborn babies crying and locusts. <br />10- I quit eating fish when I was 12 up until just a couple months ago. <br />11- I can't wear high heels. My feet are too wide and just weren't meant to be in them<br />12- I absolutely love Christmas. I start planning and buying months before <br />13- I've moved about 20 times and have been in 5 different school districts <br />14- if I won the lottery, id probably end up giving most of it away<br />15- I haven't played the flute in nearly 15 years but believe I could still do it<br />16- I'm in denial about how old I really am<br />17- anytime I have extra money, I spend it on the kids even if they don't need anything<br />18- almost every night I have a very vivid, very terrifying, very memorable nightmare<br />19- one of my biggest fears is having a heart attack<br />20- I hate having my picture taken. It makes me really see just how much weight I've gained instead of imagining that I'm still the skinny girl I was in high school <br />21- I love to read but need to take a break between books unless it's a series<br />22- I love scary movies but find most of them to be corny<br />23- my dream is to run a marathon<br />24- I wish I saw my family more<br />25- I hate folding clothes<br />26- i still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up<br />27- I love the feeling of a baby sleeping on my chest. <br />28- I don't like to talk about just how much my kids have grown<br />29- I hate that I've lost touch with a lot of great people <br />30- i don't mind making a fool of myself, I don't easily get embarrassed<br />31- seeing a wiggly tooth makes me nauseous. <br />32- my favorite color is purple, but my favorite crayon is orange<br />33- I love rice!<br />34- I'm addicted to Chapstick<br />35- I've run 4 5k's so far<br />36- the first time I rode a roller coaster was on my honey moon<br />37- I like to hunt but haven't been in years<br />38- I cry very easily<br />39- I don't know how to drive a stick shift<br />40- I hate shopping for myself<br />41- I can fall asleep at any time of the day in just about any position. <br />42- I don't have to wear glasses anymore even though I've had them since I was 5<br />43- my first pet was a Beagle named Dan<br />44- I like to talk in a Brittish accent<br />45- I cannot keep a house plant alive<br />46-I love to watch game shows. Especially the old ones<br />47- I didn't go to my senior prom<br />48- I didn't get my drivers license until I was 18<br />49- I've had 5 different jobs<br />50- my first crush was on Mikey, the orange teenage mutant ninja turtle<br />51- my first car was a '91 gray Dodge Dynasty<br />52- When I was little I accidentally killed my pet duck by feeding it a crawdad with the pincers still on<br />53- a bat flew in my hair when I was 15 and riding my bike at night<br />54- favorite all time movie is Wizard of Oz<br />55- My favorite actresses are Jennifer Lawrence and Natalie Portman<br />56- favorite actor is Morgan Freeman<br />57- least favorite actor is Nicholas Cage<br />58- in high school I was into Egypt and mummies<br />59- I originally went to college to be a high school science teacher<br />60- I hate the taste of beer<br />61- I've been smoke free for almost 4 years<br />62- I've had the same hair style since I can remember<br />63- I've never broken a bone<br />64- I used to paint, write poetry and even started a book<br />65- I love taking pictures<br />66- my favorite toy when I was little was a stuffed orange cat that I named Orange<br />67- the carpet in my first bedroom was yellow<br />68- I've been to Canada once back in high school <br />69- I have no desire to go to Hawaii but would love to go to Alaska<br />70- I got my belly button pierced at 16 but had to take it out at 18 because my pregnant belly got way too big and it looked like the ring was going to pop out<br />71- I have one tattoo- a big blue Lily flower on my right ankle<br />72- I had a lisp up until the 2nd grade when I taught myself how to talk normal. <br />73- my favorite flowers are lilies<br />74- I lived with my grandparents during the first few months of my first pregnancy<br />75- I have 6 brothers with 2 of them being half brothers and one being a step brother<br />76- I took up running this year<br />77- i saved one of my younger brothers from drowning once when I was 10<br />78- I am fascinated by space and can spend forever just staring at the stars<br />79- swinging sometimes makes me nauseous<br />80- I have scar on my left knee from when one of my brothers threw a cat at me<br />81- my front left tooth is slightly chipped from when the same brother threw a metal pipe at me<br />82- I have scar on my left forearm from where my oldest brother burned me with a piece of wood that he just sawed in half<br />83- I've had 7 stitches in my head<br />84- I wore a heart monitor in high school for a while due to panic attacks <br />85- I have bunions on both feet and have since I can remember. Born with them?<br />86- anytime I smell veggie soup cooking, it reminds me of grandma Lesher's house <br />87- I have a psycho ex bf that I'm still scared to death that I'm going to see out in public and we broke up 10 years ago<br />88- I love driving when it's dark<br />89- I feel awkward in crowds but don't mind public speaking<br />90- I can't do small talk<br />91- one day I will go back to school for a college degree <br />92- I like to add hot sauce or ranch dressing in just about everything<br />93- there's not much food that I don't like <br />94- I have 2 kids but they aren't the first kids I've raised<br />95- my world revolves around my kids<br />96- I'd love to have a more meaningful job<br />97- i have a permanent callous on my right middle finger from where I used to write so much <br />98- growing up, I'd always pick a GI Joe to play with over a Barbie<br />99- I spent most of my high school years without running water<br />100- my lifetime goal is to see the 7 wonders of the world</span></div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-26385994733153042042013-12-16T11:04:00.001-05:002013-12-16T11:04:23.446-05:00Keeping Up Wtih it Now<div>
Ok, I know its been forever, but I'm seriously going to try to keep this thing up to date now. Seriously. I mean it this time. Didn't I say that last time? Well... I really mean it. I hate that I haven't written in so long. So much stuff has happened. SO MUCH.</div>
<div>
It seems that ever since I've been on this medication, I just can't seem to get my thoughts together enough to write on here. I'm going to try from now on. I have to learn to keep my head straight. </div>
<div>
Weight loss is still at a stand still... well, actually, I've gained some weight back. I've gotten lazy. I vowed last night that I was going to start anew and make this happen. I have so much further to go and I'm not going to ruin how far I've come.</div>
<div>
I don't really remember what all I have written about. I know its been a while, but I don't know how far I should go back.</div>
<div>
My bff had her baby, beautiful baby girl with a head full of hair. She's about 2 1/2 months old now. I've actually been trying to hang out with CJ a lot more lately. I really need her in my life and I haven't realized it. </div>
<div>
I ran the a zombie 5k back in October. It was lots of fun. Not my best time, but I had a blast. </div>
<div>
My grandpa had surgery, but it all went fine. He is cancer free.</div>
<div>
I came so close to kicking out hubby in October because he was so close to cheating on me. I told him this is his last chance and he will not get anymore. I'm too forgiving, I think. </div>
<div>
The kids had fun trick-or-treating. Zach was Spongebob and Lilly was a Monster High doll. They got tons of candy.</div>
<div>
I have a bit of my basement cleaned out now. I gave 2 car loads of stuff to one of my cousins. She was worried about providing Christmas for her 6 kids, so I gave her stuff. I'm also giving a lot more stuff away for Christmas. Saved me some money. </div>
<div>
I didn't get to go Black Friday shopping this year because I had to work, but a lot of places started their sales Thursday evening, so I went out then. I got just about everything I wanted to get and got in bed around midnight. My brother Tony and his fiancé watched Zach for me and we spent the night there. Zach loves Tony, he calls him his Pony. So cute</div>
<div>
Saturday was the fire fighter Christmas dinner. Zach was dressed all snazzy in a suit and was so excited to see Santa. Lilly didn't go this year. She kind of chose not to. I hope she's not starting to not believe. </div>
<div>
I am done Christmas shopping and halfway done wrapping gifts. The kids aren't getting as much from me as they did last year, but I did overdo it last year. There was so many things that they didn't even bother with. Sometimes its hard for me to remember that they are getting other things from other people. </div>
<div>
I get to spend Christmas with my mom's side of the family this year. I haven't done that in years. Hubby is working until that evening, so I'm going to see mom and family, then go to see dad and family then its off to the inlaws. We will be celebrating at my house the day after Christmas.</div>
<div>
Lilly is getting just about everything on her list. Her big things were a cell phone and a trampoline. We got her a trampoline and she's getting a tablet. Zach won't understand the trampoline until its out of the box and set up... which isn't going to happen until the spring. </div>
<div>
What else? I'm sure I'm missing plenty. </div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-12995138237717738132013-09-26T20:23:00.001-04:002013-09-26T20:23:49.302-04:00POST!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 15px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><div>I really like to type. Is that weird? I like the sound the keys make when I'm clicking away.</div><div> </div><div>A lot has happened since I last posted that I don't even know where to start. I've been so busy lately that its hard for me to find time to post anymore. Work has picked up, Lilly's doing fall ball, hubby has a new job with a new schedule, I'm going walking on my lunch breaks at work and climbing the stairs in my spare time. Life and stuff, right?</div><div>Ball is going great. Lilly plays mostly first and third base and she's very happy about it. They've only lost 2 games so far.</div><div>Zach is Zach. Still running around like crazy.</div><div>Hubby's new job requires him to work shift work so there's some days that we don't even see him. He's been on night shift the past couple of days. Its ok. The only problem I really have is what I'm making for dinner since he's not home.</div><div>My second colorful 5k is coming up this Saturday and I haven't even talked about my last one. I think I'll do a comparison post on the 2 and post some pictures as well.</div><div>I'm going to seriously try to find time to keep this blog updated. Its a great way for me to collect my thoughts and have a place to go back and read what's been going on. My medication is helping still and I couldn't be happier.</div><div>My bff is due to have her baby girl tomorrow, but she's not showing any signs at all of labor, so she'll probably be induced on Monday.</div><div>My grandpa is in the hospital because he was passing blood and having chest pains. He passed blood for an entire week without even mentioning it to my grandma. I'm going to go visit whenever he's out of his colonoscopy.</div><div>Weight is at a stand still. I haven't been exercising like I should. At least I'm not gaining weight, right?</div><div>Ok...I'll keep trying to update this thing.</div><div><br></div><div>EDIT: I wrote this earlier today. I did go see my grandpa. They didn't do his colonoscopy today because the nurse didn't know to give him his meds to start it. It's going to happen tomorrow now. He's doing ok. In good spirits and making jokes. My grandma is a nervous wreck. Now this isn't the same grandpa that was in the hospital earlier this year. This is my other grandpa, my dads dad. </div><div>Just me and Zach tonight. We chased each other through the house, had a tickle fight, cuddled, watched cartoons and I even ordered us pizza. He's finishing up now then it's off to bed. </div><div>I forgot Lilly's lunch box in the fridge this morni g and felt so bad about it. School was having something I knew she wouldn't eat and I forgot. So on my way to daycare to get Zach, I stopped and picked Lilly up a little something to eat and have it to her. I hope it held her off until she got to her fathers house. </div><div>This is hubby's last night shift of the week. He will be off the next couple of days and then back on day shift a couple of days. It's actually quite nice when he's working nights. It's quieter. The kids listen better. I get to watch what I want on tv. When Lilly has a game, there's no hassle to get there and we are on time. I know eventually I'll miss hubby being here at night, but for now I'm kinda enjoying it. </div></span>Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-55607044552513705332013-09-17T21:22:00.001-04:002013-09-17T21:22:59.468-04:00I don't know why I keep forgetting about my blogs. I just haven't felt like doing much lately. I have lots of pics to post and a race to talk about. Hopefully I'll get to that soon. I just wanted to leave a short note here so everyone knows I haven't abandoned my blog, I just temporarily forgot about it. Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-49360580904989594362013-08-28T10:56:00.001-04:002013-08-28T10:56:16.402-04:00Look.. I'm stull Updating<div>
Well... apparently the app on my phone messes up some of my pictures. There's one picture that's supposed to be me, Zach and Lilly, but Lilly is cut out of it. I've tried a few more times to get the whole picture to show, but I just can't. Its a really good picture too. </div>
<div>
Lilly has ball practice today, so I'm leaving work early and then its a big rush to feed the kids and get Lilly's homework done. And I just really want a nap. That's all. Is that too much to ask? :-)</div>
<div>
No, but seriously... I'm so tired. I could sleep all day. Bad thing is that I think my medicine is doing it to me. Fatigue is one of the side effects. I'm always tired, but not like this. I'm just always exhausted now and it seems like I don't ever get enough sleep. No amount of coffee helps either. I need a nap day. I think its about time I schedule me a nap day. </div>
<div>
Did I mention that hubby got a new truck. Yep. Hasn't even started on his new job yet and he has a new truck. Oh, and if that thing isn't his baby, I don't know what is. Every little scratch upsets him. The kids had to wipe their shoes off after playing outside before they could get in. Absolutely no eating. He was a little hesitant to even let Zach have his sippy cup in the truck. I swear, boys and their toys. I hope I'm never this crazy about a car. My kids and their messy happiness is way more important to me than any car ever would be. My boss said that her husband is the exact same way. Is it a guy thing? I just don't understand. There's nothing in this world that I'm that crazy about except living, breathing human beings. </div>
<div>
Well.. with hubby's new job, hopefully I can go back to school in a couple of years and I think I've decided I want to go back for social work. I love helping people, and what better way? I'd also love to minor in a foreign language. I'd prefer French since that's what I took in high school and I already know some, but I think Spanish would actually be a smarter thing to study since that seems to be the second language of America. I have plenty of time to think about that though. </div>
<div>
My race is 3 days away. I'm going to try to get out to run tonight and tomorrow and take a break on Friday before I race on Saturday. I'm so excited and nervous. Past me would never imagine future me to run a race. I love surprising past me. I'm hoping to be able to run the entire 3.1 miles without slowing down, but me not training in the past 2 1/2 weeks will be a bit of a problem with that. I just wish hubby and the kids could come down and cheer me on, but hubby has to work so the kids are going to my in-laws for a bit. I think I'd be happy if I can run a 12 minute mile the entire time. Maybe I should change that to 12.3 minute mile. That extra 30 seconds doesn't seem like much, but it could mean the difference between my knee acting up or being ok. I've been having problems out of my right knee when I run and I ice it every time I'm done. I just don't know what else to do for it. I'll have to research a bit. </div>
<div>
Lilly has been slacking off from school. She's forgetting to do homework, forgetting to bring it home, failing vocabulary tests.... I hope my talk with her last night helps. </div>
<div>
Almost 11:00 now and I'm going to probably have my lunch here soon since I'm leaving early today. Still wish I could take a nap though.</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-69051378626547816412013-08-27T10:31:00.001-04:002013-08-27T10:31:59.565-04:00More pics!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-yyG3PIMBNVI/Uhy33VibRbI/AAAAAAAACus/AKRJLFGf0g8/s640/blogger-image--1700809878.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-yyG3PIMBNVI/Uhy33VibRbI/AAAAAAAACus/AKRJLFGf0g8/s640/blogger-image--1700809878.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-DAkDaLU_AKE/Uhy4K1ksd7I/AAAAAAAACvM/TCmMQahT3oo/s640/blogger-image--559471441.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-DAkDaLU_AKE/Uhy4K1ksd7I/AAAAAAAACvM/TCmMQahT3oo/s640/blogger-image--559471441.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Kj4HvBeefFo/Uhy3yjy5zgI/AAAAAAAACuk/CAGuz_LLt6w/s640/blogger-image-2053096814.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Kj4HvBeefFo/Uhy3yjy5zgI/AAAAAAAACuk/CAGuz_LLt6w/s640/blogger-image-2053096814.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9ROk1EBPZCs/Uhy4AqfNK8I/AAAAAAAACu8/40pfa7le52k/s640/blogger-image--2021099351.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9ROk1EBPZCs/Uhy4AqfNK8I/AAAAAAAACu8/40pfa7le52k/s640/blogger-image--2021099351.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-40bOj147VB0/Uhy3SAHidNI/AAAAAAAACts/3lA5xe2Omec/s640/blogger-image-747456370.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-40bOj147VB0/Uhy3SAHidNI/AAAAAAAACts/3lA5xe2Omec/s640/blogger-image-747456370.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3D8VCZzjo6s/Uhy3feVpdzI/AAAAAAAACuE/z3REZDBfJpg/s640/blogger-image--2102017099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3D8VCZzjo6s/Uhy3feVpdzI/AAAAAAAACuE/z3REZDBfJpg/s640/blogger-image--2102017099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-3yGtiW-SZI0/Uhy3joqHYWI/AAAAAAAACuM/Bw2MoK5zEh4/s640/blogger-image--987097297.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-3yGtiW-SZI0/Uhy3joqHYWI/AAAAAAAACuM/Bw2MoK5zEh4/s640/blogger-image--987097297.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Q7MKCRYT40Q/Uhy3t2SkGPI/AAAAAAAACuc/tv_p6m5NPbo/s640/blogger-image--1131589899.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Q7MKCRYT40Q/Uhy3t2SkGPI/AAAAAAAACuc/tv_p6m5NPbo/s640/blogger-image--1131589899.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9qXSwhzgRrk/Uhy4F_RLXWI/AAAAAAAACvE/ppMGfWc-6zI/s640/blogger-image-1222012491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9qXSwhzgRrk/Uhy4F_RLXWI/AAAAAAAACvE/ppMGfWc-6zI/s640/blogger-image-1222012491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Nh78n3tlEXU/Uhy3V7NMwaI/AAAAAAAACt0/WIFkhSJvffA/s640/blogger-image--679060805.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Nh78n3tlEXU/Uhy3V7NMwaI/AAAAAAAACt0/WIFkhSJvffA/s640/blogger-image--679060805.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wUx4DZ6asFc/Uhy379M_xHI/AAAAAAAACu0/KYWne_O-wZE/s640/blogger-image--882213910.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wUx4DZ6asFc/Uhy379M_xHI/AAAAAAAACu0/KYWne_O-wZE/s640/blogger-image--882213910.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xzxH4HxUvKw/Uhy4W3AW_bI/AAAAAAAACvc/tCiUY06AmhI/s640/blogger-image--1873827412.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xzxH4HxUvKw/Uhy4W3AW_bI/AAAAAAAACvc/tCiUY06AmhI/s640/blogger-image--1873827412.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wwvCMyXK6Nc/Uhy3o05vnYI/AAAAAAAACuU/gkaescXJs1k/s640/blogger-image-1641165148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wwvCMyXK6Nc/Uhy3o05vnYI/AAAAAAAACuU/gkaescXJs1k/s640/blogger-image-1641165148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-vKBq7d1i5r4/Uhy4Qxlhu9I/AAAAAAAACvU/DxVLBR3mQ30/s640/blogger-image-471632307.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Here's a split shot of Zach last year on the 4th of July and this year on the 4th</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-vKBq7d1i5r4/Uhy4Qxlhu9I/AAAAAAAACvU/DxVLBR3mQ30/s640/blogger-image-471632307.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/--oKIMyp8leM/Uhy3asobCmI/AAAAAAAACt8/N93svl19Fn8/s640/blogger-image--584085582.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/--oKIMyp8leM/Uhy3asobCmI/AAAAAAAACt8/N93svl19Fn8/s640/blogger-image--584085582.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Zach and Oreo</div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-vKBq7d1i5r4/Uhy4Qxlhu9I/AAAAAAAACvU/DxVLBR3mQ30/s640/blogger-image-471632307.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Me and the kids</div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wwvCMyXK6Nc/Uhy3o05vnYI/AAAAAAAACuU/gkaescXJs1k/s640/blogger-image-1641165148.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly shooting her gun</div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xzxH4HxUvKw/Uhy4W3AW_bI/AAAAAAAACvc/tCiUY06AmhI/s640/blogger-image--1873827412.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly on the first day of school. She would not let me get a good picture. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-wUx4DZ6asFc/Uhy379M_xHI/AAAAAAAACu0/KYWne_O-wZE/s640/blogger-image--882213910.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Here's me and my journey with weight loss. The before pic is me in February and the after us me in July. Same shirt. Same pose. Same mirror. 20 pounds lighter. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Nh78n3tlEXU/Uhy3V7NMwaI/AAAAAAAACt0/WIFkhSJvffA/s640/blogger-image--679060805.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Our first picnic under our apple tree</div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-9qXSwhzgRrk/Uhy4F_RLXWI/AAAAAAAACvE/ppMGfWc-6zI/s640/blogger-image-1222012491.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Zachs in the pool </div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Q7MKCRYT40Q/Uhy3t2SkGPI/AAAAAAAACuc/tv_p6m5NPbo/s640/blogger-image--1131589899.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly's dunking her head. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-3yGtiW-SZI0/Uhy3joqHYWI/AAAAAAAACuM/Bw2MoK5zEh4/s640/blogger-image--987097297.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly and her softball trophy for spring ball this year. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3D8VCZzjo6s/Uhy3feVpdzI/AAAAAAAACuE/z3REZDBfJpg/s640/blogger-image--2102017099.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The kids playing in water that's being sorted from a fire truck</div><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-40bOj147VB0/Uhy3SAHidNI/AAAAAAAACts/3lA5xe2Omec/s640/blogger-image-747456370.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Kids and Oreo</div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9ROk1EBPZCs/Uhy4AqfNK8I/AAAAAAAACu8/40pfa7le52k/s640/blogger-image--2021099351.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Brought Lilly to work with me and set her up a little desk to watch movies. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Kj4HvBeefFo/Uhy3yjy5zgI/AAAAAAAACuk/CAGuz_LLt6w/s640/blogger-image-2053096814.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Zachs washing my car. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-DAkDaLU_AKE/Uhy4K1ksd7I/AAAAAAAACvM/TCmMQahT3oo/s640/blogger-image--559471441.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly and her softball team in the Spring parade. </div><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-yyG3PIMBNVI/Uhy33VibRbI/AAAAAAAACus/AKRJLFGf0g8/s640/blogger-image--1700809878.jpg"></div>Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-864134478753127782013-08-26T17:07:00.001-04:002013-08-26T17:07:28.151-04:00Pics<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-C74mtDe-xCE/UhvDQy-VbiI/AAAAAAAACs4/AnKEsNibdvs/s640/blogger-image-952458278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-C74mtDe-xCE/UhvDQy-VbiI/AAAAAAAACs4/AnKEsNibdvs/s640/blogger-image-952458278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZLif9YrQt0Y/UhvDfFfszSI/AAAAAAAACtQ/fMulL79daL0/s640/blogger-image-287054991.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZLif9YrQt0Y/UhvDfFfszSI/AAAAAAAACtQ/fMulL79daL0/s640/blogger-image-287054991.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xFP1qfUiOHo/UhvDapqgukI/AAAAAAAACtI/7oJeTgSRXdE/s640/blogger-image-237780790.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xFP1qfUiOHo/UhvDapqgukI/AAAAAAAACtI/7oJeTgSRXdE/s640/blogger-image-237780790.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-vJApb__GL7Q/UhvDGe3Vy5I/AAAAAAAACso/B9Sz8Wiowjc/s640/blogger-image-1400906639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Here's a few pics to start out with..</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Here's Lilly accepting an award at school</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-vJApb__GL7Q/UhvDGe3Vy5I/AAAAAAAACso/B9Sz8Wiowjc/s640/blogger-image-1400906639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-YFr2zxkTvno/UhvDjcn4oBI/AAAAAAAACtY/IHnzB7IwkCc/s640/blogger-image-1825016371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-YFr2zxkTvno/UhvDjcn4oBI/AAAAAAAACtY/IHnzB7IwkCc/s640/blogger-image-1825016371.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly got her face painted at the Y</div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-vJApb__GL7Q/UhvDGe3Vy5I/AAAAAAAACso/B9Sz8Wiowjc/s640/blogger-image-1400906639.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Me and Zach during Mother's Day tea at the Y</div><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xFP1qfUiOHo/UhvDapqgukI/AAAAAAAACtI/7oJeTgSRXdE/s640/blogger-image-237780790.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly running to home during a ball game</div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-ZLif9YrQt0Y/UhvDfFfszSI/AAAAAAAACtQ/fMulL79daL0/s640/blogger-image-287054991.jpg"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lilly chilling during a game</div><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-C74mtDe-xCE/UhvDQy-VbiI/AAAAAAAACs4/AnKEsNibdvs/s640/blogger-image-952458278.jpg"></div><br><div>Zach climbing a jungle gym before sissy's game</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZvefV7dTbk8/UhvDCC_DzHI/AAAAAAAACsg/OOQ7arb8vHs/s640/blogger-image-1005481677.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZvefV7dTbk8/UhvDCC_DzHI/AAAAAAAACsg/OOQ7arb8vHs/s640/blogger-image-1005481677.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Zach hitting throwing ball and me not paying attention</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-m1MPZirJBhI/UhvDLq8MH3I/AAAAAAAACsw/FoMOIJwWyNE/s640/blogger-image--583208268.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-m1MPZirJBhI/UhvDLq8MH3I/AAAAAAAACsw/FoMOIJwWyNE/s640/blogger-image--583208268.jpg"></a></div>Zach has a cold</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-EIy7bHlhbLU/UhvDWLNyDVI/AAAAAAAACtA/9Xm7IV8l43w/s640/blogger-image-1883033266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-EIy7bHlhbLU/UhvDWLNyDVI/AAAAAAAACtA/9Xm7IV8l43w/s640/blogger-image-1883033266.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div>Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770662107685435697.post-62715713990987187652013-08-26T09:57:00.002-04:002013-08-26T09:57:38.427-04:00New Post<div>
I haven't written anything for a while... and honestly, I kinda forgot about my blog there for a bit. A lot has been going on and my head has been kinda scattered lately. I'm actually a little sick today, but had to come into work because the other person in my department is on vacation, so I might leave early. Yesterday was kind of a waste, I slept and puked and felt bad, but still played with Zach. I don't think what I have is contagious, its a mix of allergies, my birth control giving me problems, my new meds, and being a girl. I feel like I've been stabbed in the stomach, hit by a bus, a piano dropped on my head and I've been awake for weeks. I need Advil and sleep right now, but I have to settle for coffee and florescent lights and staring at this computer. </div>
<div>
I have no idea when I wrote last so I'm just going to talk. My first 5k is in less than a week and I haven't run for over 2 weeks. Life just gets in the way sometimes. I will still run, but I just won't have a really good finishing time. I'm excited. I've even gotten to the point where I can download the Blogger app again, so pictures will soon be coming!!</div>
<div>
Lilly had a blast at Disney World, but she only talked about what she did there a little. She was more excited to tell me about her hotel room and what foods she ate. I never brought up that I knew that a bird pooped on her head. She's loving 3rd grade and loves her teacher. I even like her teacher, but I don't think she's had one yet that I don't like. Fall ball has started and we ended up with the coach I didn't want. The one that yells a lot and throws fits like a little kid, but I'm giving him a chance and so far he is ok. He seems to have settled down a lot. Lilly is actually the best player on the team this time. She's gotten better, but we have a lot of girls that haven't played before. </div>
<div>
Hubby has a new job. He starts September 16. He will be working shift work. At first I was upset until I noticed that he's not home a lot right now as it is, so there's not going to be much of a difference. I just won't have him with me during Lilly's games and stuff to help out with Zach, but there was a few that he missed anyway. Not really more money starting out, but he's supposed to get significant and frequent raises. Hopefully by the time Zach hits preschool, I can go to part time and work at the Y so I can still be with the kids, but have a job... and a free membership to the gym. </div>
<div>
Zach's growing up too fast. He's sleeping better, but he does have his nights when he's up. He's eating more foods and saying more words. He can even draw a circle when you ask him to. He has to have a stuffed animal to sleep with now, but he doesn't really care which one. He gets his stool out and can get in the cabinets now too. He snuck a cookie the other day doing that. He even likes monsters. A couple nights ago he was yelling for some monsters to come sleep with him. </div>
<div>
Oreo is growing too. He still jumps and bites, but playfully and I'm trying to teach him not to. He is good about staying in the yard until he sees another dog. The neighbors have a dog named Sam that Oreo likes to go visit. He'll crawl under the fence, but he's almost too big. He's going to get stuck one day. He's good at playing fetch too and we didn't even have to teach him how. </div>
<div>
Work is ok. I just have to keep bearing it until I can get out of here. I keep applying for jobs, but keep getting looked over or turned down. </div>
<div>
Tony is back on the road with Chris and my uncle Bill. I'm glad that he's making money again, but I hate that he's out traveling. </div>
<div>
Its been raining a lot lately here and my work got flooded again. The hidden elevator and the garage elevator got flooded and so did my office. The hallways stink and there's industrial fans set up everywhere to dry the carpet. I'm sneezing like crazy because there's so much mold. </div>
<div>
Mom is smoking again. You'd think after all the trouble she's had out of her heart that she would be smart enough to not pick it up again. Donavan is very upset about it and everyone keeps telling him that he doesn't understand just how hard it is to quit. I let him in on the secret that I used to smoke and I had no problems quitting. If mom can go a month without it, then she can keep going with no trouble. She just doesn't want to quit, that's all there is to it. Mom is going to do whatever Mom wants to do and no amount of talking or badgering is going to change her mind. If a doctor telling her that she needs to quit isn't good enough for her, nothing is. She's going to end up a mess and I wish I could get her to see that she probably won't live to see Lilly get married if she keeps this up. It breaks my heart that Mom is so stubborn. </div>
<div>
Cj's baby shower was Saturday and it was fun, with a good turnout too. Good food, fun games, great company and lots of gifts for new baby. I brought my grandma and she had lots of fun too. I was trying to hang out with grandma while hosting the party and making sure CJ stays off her feet. I had to force her to go eat. I told her that we are not going to do a replay of her wedding and she's going go feed the baby and I'll take care of everything. Oh, the food. She had her family and me make stuff. There was little sandwiches, macaroni salad, pasta salad, fruit and dip, veggie pizza, cocktail weenies, meatballs, pepperoni rolls, veggies and dip, chips and dip... and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Her mom made cupcakes- There was vanilla and chocolate and then there was s'more and Resse's cupcakes too. We played a lot of games and gave away lots of prizes. After the baby shower, she was having game night at her house to celebrate her birthday which is tomorrow. I went back home and picked up hubby and Zach, who spent the day at a family reunion, and we headed to CJ's house to play and eat some more. Fun day. We got home after 10pm. </div>
<div>
My weight is now down to 177.8, but I haven't really exercised much lately. I almost weigh what I did right after I had Zach. I just have to keep at it. I've come a long way, but I still have far to go. My goal for the year was only to lose 25 pounds by Christmas, but I'm already almost there. I think I'll tack on another 5 pounds and make it 30 pounds by Christmas. I'd love to weigh 140 or so around my next anniversary. I'd love to fit back in a size 10 again too. I've fallen off track a little, but I'm going to hop back on whenever I'm feeling better. I'm running my race Saturday even if I am sick. I'll walk it if I have to, but I'm doing it. </div>
<div>
I just finished reading the book Room by Emma Donoghue. Its a book about a girl who got kidnapped and is being held captive for years in this little soundproof shack and being raped almost nightly. She has a little boy while in this room and the book is from the little boy's point of view. It tells of their stay in the room, the escape and then how they adapt to the world. The boy only knew about the room and things inside of it. Good book, but I don't think it ended right. Of course I thought the exact same thing about Gone Girl. I'm taking a break from books for a while so I can concentrate on my weight loss. </div>
<div>
I think I've caught you guys up on pretty much everything. I'm going to probably post pictures tomorrow. I haven't posted pictures in a long time, so there will be lots. With the app, I can't put a description with the pictures, but I can talk about them before... I just can't with each picture. Maybe I'll just do a few at a time for a few days. We'll see. And also with the downloading of the app, I can keep up my smile blog as well!</div>
Bekah M.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15844496363829068338noreply@blogger.com0