Worried

The house auction is today. I'm actually still undecided if I want to go bid on the house. I love the house, but the minimum bid is a little over our max limit. I was trying not to even touch our max limit. Hubby says we'll be fine, but come to find out last night that he doesn't understand how a mortgage loan works. He things if we pay the regular monthly payments, that are calculated for a 30 year loan, that we'll have the house paid off in just 16 years. I've tried to explain to him that it doesn't work that way, that we'll be paying way more for the house than what the loan is for due to the interest and if he wanted to pay off the house in that short of time, the payments would be dramatically more. He doesn't believe me. It caused for a bit of an argument last night. I told him that he just needs to come in and talk to our loan lady and maybe she can explain it better to him than I did.

Anyway... I got a bit off track there... I don't think we can afford our max limit, he does. But... he also thought the monthly payments were way less than they actually are. He was thinking of our last limit, before he got a raise...

I didn't get any sleep last night. I want this house, but I don't want to go broke living there. I don't want to not be able to make payments. I am worried that we can't afford this house, but he does. I laid awake last night just thinking and calculating and turning numbers. I'm worried he's going to break us, that he has too much faith in how much money we have. I told him last night that its all him, I have nothing to contribute to the monthly payments. I'm killing myself just trying to pay day care and health insurance.

I sent an email to our loan lady this morning to ask her to calculate our monthly payments for me. I've been using online calculator and I want to know exactly what our number is going to be. Maybe it'll put my mind at ease... maybe it'll cause me to tell him to forget about the house. I can only sit and wait now.

Isn't this suppose to be an exciting time for me? We are on the brink of owning a house, but all I can think of is going broke while living there. I'll let you know tomorrow what happened.