Good Friday

So I have decided that I will no longer climb the stairs here at work unless I have my cell with me. I went up 9 flights and was on my way back down when my knee gave out and I twisted my ankle. Thankfully I didn't fall or anything, but I very well could have. So now, not only do my legs hurt from climbing the stairs, but my right ankle is throbbing now.

This week has been a bit interesting. Today is a slow day here at work. Barely anyone is here. We should have had a party. I'm craving a big juicy burger. Might have to go out and get one....but its pouring the rain.

Wednesday, hubby lost his ring at work. Its a little loose on his finger anyway and I've been trying to get him to get it resized. He thought it flung off his hand when he was throwing stuff in the dumpster at work... the dumpster full of plastic powder. He tried his best to look for it in there, but there is no jumping in that stuff. After his co-workers convinced him that I was going to be really mad and kill him, he called and told me. I wasn't mad about it, I was a little upset, but I knew sooner or later he would lose it cuz it didn't fit him right. He was really upset, and understandably enough. I would cry my eyes out if I lost mine. He found it later that night when he went back to work to look for it. It wasn't in the dumpster, it was laying in the middle of the road. I was sooo happy that he found it.

There's a big Easter egg hunt at Lilly's school tomorrow along with free games, free food and free inflatables. We are going to that. Then after that we are doing another egg hunt at hubby's sister's house with all her kids too. Sunday, I get to visit my family that I haven't seen since February. I haven't seen any of my cousins since last July I think.

Zach's first Easter, Zach's first big holiday... and Lilly gets to be there to share it with him. Told hubby last night that we need to go out and get the kids some bunny ears to wear. I also need to find an egg shaped bib. I doubt I'll find one, but I'm going to look anyway. At least get him some kind of Easter bib. He's got a green Easter outfit. Don't know what Lilly's going to wear.

My bff has been trying to quit smoking. She started taking Chantix, but was having some problems with it. I really hope she does quit.

Wow

Found this today, blew my mind
Look at the left one......now look at the right one......

Oh and.....

I have entered Zach in a contest to be on the cover of Parents Magazine. I entered 5 photos and they picked one to go further. Please go vote for my little man~
http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/807337


It is this photo

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Monday again.........

I finally broke down last night and told hubby some stuff that has been bothering me. I don't mean I broke down as in I caved, or I gave in...no I broke down. Hysterical crying, high pitched sobs....all of it. I told him how stressed out I've been, how extremely tired I am, how much I worry about money, how I miss talking to my mom, how much he's NOT at home, how much I need his help, and how I just feel helpless sometimes and how I feel like I'm suppose to be able to do everything and I feel horrible when I can't. The talk didn't really accomplish anything, but at least its out there. He did tell me that he has been feeling like he should be doing more, which sorta made me more upset. If he felt like he should be helping me out, then why hasn't he? There are so many little things that he could do and it would help out tremendously.

He still believes that we can afford a house. I don't really see how we can when we are broke now. I can barely afford day care for the 2 kids and put gas in my car due to the health insurance that is taken out my paychecks. I need a raise, a good one, for this to work out and me not worry so much. He said that he knows that part of my frustration is because of the small apartment, and he's right. I hate it there. I like the location of our place, its very convenient and there are no big hills to go over to get to the main road during winter, but its just too small for us. I don't have any room to put anything away, the kids don't have a bedroom of their own, I can't even find the dinning table right now cuz there's so much crap piled on it. Our love seat is full of stuff too, that's where I put the car seat when its not in use among other things. Lilly's toys are strewn about the bedroom. I've tried putting them in boxes, but she keeps getting more toys and I have no more room for boxes. She even has some under her bed. I feel bad for her cuz she can't access all of her toys and there are even a bunch of toys in my storage building that she hasn't seen in years.

Zach was talking up a storm yesterday. I recorded some of it on my phone, but I can't send any of it so I can't share it on here. So cute though. He was babbling for hours. It started while we were watching wrestling and continued all the way through a movie. We had a good weekend with him. He wasn't too fussy and was very smiley. We went out Saturday to Outback and he was an angel. Love their Bloomin' Onion...mmmmmmmmmm. Zach was sucking on hubby's thumb, I got a pic. We even had him pounding on the table and he was laughing so much.

Lilly should be back from her zoo trip with her father, but I won't see her until Wednesday. I'm being nice and letting him keep her a couple extra days. I hope she had fun. I didn't call during their trip to check up on her cuz I didn't want to interrupt any fun that they were having. I'm sure if something went wrong, if she was sick or wanted to call me or something like that, he would have called me. I'm going to text him today to check up on her.

Took Zach yesterday to get Easter candy and stuff. Lilly's getting some candy, a Wii dance game, a baseball that comes back to you (its on a string) and a baseball washcloth. Zach is getting no candy...ok I might throw one or two suckers in there, an outfit that says Happy Easter, 3 jars of baby food, 2 toys, 2 books and some ready made formula bottles. He hasn't had baby food yet and I figured its time to start him out. I had him eating some rice cereal this weekend. He wasn't too happy about it. He's almost 3 months. That's about when I started Lilly out. Baby food and rice cereal is way cheaper than formula. We replaced 1 full bottle yesterday with the cereal and 1/2 of another.

Today we are having a 31 fund raiser here at the bank. If you would like to buy something let me know in the comments and I will post a link. Part of the money spent will go to the American Cancer Society. Here's a site.... http://www.mythirtyone.com/  This site isn't for the fund raiser, its not a link to our host, its just the main site, so if you'd like to help us out, lemme know. Its all purses and tote bags and lunch totes and such.

Going crazy

Lilly's surprise game didn't happen yesterday. I got a call yesterday while I was at work from the coach's wife saying that there is a game and they just found out about it. The schedule was changed. So, I left work early to get Lilly fed and ready and drop Zach off somewhere. Hubby went out on a search and rescue for a guy that was lost, so he wasn't home. We got to the field a bit early and she played frisbee and tag with some boys from her team. Then, her father showed up with his gf and their kid. After 20 minutes the coach called someone and heard that the other team forfeits all their games until they get a uniform cuz they don't have theirs yet. That's about the time Lilly started complaining about her stomach hurting. Coach decided to just have a short practice since almost all his kids were there. Then, Lilly started crying...so we left. We picked Zach up and went home, and she was acting just fine. I think she is just nervous about having spring break with her father. She's excited about it, but she keeps telling me that she'll miss me. She goes to her father's today and I won't see her again until Wednesday. I couldn't even make a big deal about not seeing her this morning cuz she was still upset. I wanted to give her a big hug and tell her to have fun at the zoo, but I knew that would just trigger it all back up. So, I left her at the Y and we both had tears in our eyes. I am going to miss her and I know she'll miss me, and Zach, and hubby, but I also know that she will have fun. Last year, was it last year or the year before?...she went to the beach with her father and halfway through their trip she called me wanting to come home. I hate that for her. I wish she could just have fun and not worry so much.

I broke down again last night. Zach was getting up every hour and a half, not to eat, just to cry and scream. I was so tired, I just broke down crying. And I hate to admit this, but its at the point where every time I hear him cry like that, I get this pounding headache and my ears even throb. So that doesn't help the situation. Finally after about 10 minutes of both of us crying, hubby wakes up and comes in there. He gets Zach quiet for about 5 minutes and then he started crying again. 5 minutes later, hubby was done. He couldn't handle it. So I went and picked Zach up and he stopped crying. Hubby gets up and goes back to bed. Half an hour later the baby finally went back to sleep. I'm fighting trying to keep my eyes open. I haven't had any coffee yet. I need to take a day just to myself and sleep and relax and not worry about anything and not be stressed. I have been so stressed out lately and its wearing me down. I'm always on the move, dealing with crying babies, ball games, school, work, dinner...the usual, but its catching up with me and I need a day off.

So here's a cute pic I took of the kids last night when I was trying to get Lilly to bed.

 

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Lilly's game went great. I did forget my video camera and hubby couldn't make it, but Lilly had fun and that's all that matters. She stopped the ball once and threw it to first base. Of course in t-ball they don't count outs, strikes, or even the runs. They use the games to teach the kids how to play the game and get them ready for the next step. All the kids had fun, except one. She was whining 10 minutes into the game. Zach went and saw his sissy play. It only lasted about 45 minutes.

Yesterday I almost passed out. I thought I was starting to have a panic attack and was freaking out. My heart rate was up, my heart was skipping beats, I was hot and dizzy. I didn't know what to do. I went over to my boss' office just in case I did pass out. I didn't want to be alone. Luckily I didn't. My feet went numb on my way home too. I had to stop and walk around. I thought it was my birth control, since I just started the Nuvaring and have been having small problems with it, but I think its also stress related. I don't like the Nuvaring and am thinking about switching to something else, but I don't know what else. It seemed like the only option for me. I can't have an IUD cuz it causes me to have cysts and I can't remember to take a pill everyday. The doc told me that the hormone that IUD's release causes my cysts and there's other birth control options that would do the same thing to me....like the shot. I apparently need the kind that release 2 kinds of hormones. Don't ask me the names cuz I don't know. There is one other option, but it kinda grosses me out. I forget what its called but they insert it into your upper arm and it lasts for 3 years. You can FEEL it. I did get the Mirena put in right after I had Lilly and it was in for 5 years like it was suppose to be...ok...almost 5 years. The pain just became unbearable and I had to get it taken out. The cysts were a huge problem. Other than that, I loved it.

That's all for now.......maybe more later when I have more time.

thoughts from the hospital

second post of the day

I've noticed that my hair is changing back to the way it was...before getting pregnant. And this reminded me of the first time I brushed my hair after giving birth. It was late at night and I knew my hair looked horrible, I could feel it. It felt horrible. So I attempted to brush it, washing it was out of the question since I couldn't walk yet. I wasn't allowed, but physically....I couldn't walk. Anywho, I was getting ready for bed and I tried running a brush through my hair. Nevermind all the knots and tangles....my hair was falling out!! It was all over the bed and my pillow and my clothes. I was freaking out. One doctor comes in to talk to me and before he says anything, I look at him with this horrified look on my face and ask him with handfuls of hair if this was normal. He gave me a kind of worried look and told me that he is the pediatrician. I felt kind of stupid. I never got my answer by the way. Luckily I didn't go bald or even lose enough hair to notice, but it really scared me.

Back to the no walking deal. They gave me enough drugs that I couldn't feel anything from my belly button down. I couldn't even move my left leg at all. It kept plopping off the bed at times before it was time to push. By the time it was time to push, I couldn't feel either leg and they decided to turn off my epidural. Anyway... pushing didn't work, I was too tired. I'm sure I've mentioned this. As soon as they said I needed a C-section I burst out in tears. I didn't want one. I felt like I had failed. Other than feeling them halfway through, the surgery went ok. So I wasn't allowed to walk, at all, until the following morning. It was even difficult for me to situate myself in bed. I couldn't feel the lower half of my body and I was worried about my cut and staples. By bedtime I could feel my legs like normal, but was still in pain.

In the morning a nurse came in to help me walk to the bathroom. Standing up was the hardest thing. It took me a good 10 minutes just to get steady enough to stand there, with the nurse and hubby holding on to me. Then, another 5 minutes to walk to the bathroom and another 5 to get back to bed. After that first time, it got easier with each try. But wow, I can't believe how difficult it was that first time. I don't remember going through that with Lilly. I don't know if it was due to the C-section or what. Within a few hours I was walking by myself with just a little difficulty. I didn't walk normal until a week later when they took my staples out. I can't believe what a difference that made.

It was super nice to always have someone there with me too. Hubby got to stay with me the entire time, he slept in the other bed in the room cuz no one else was there. When we went home to get a shower and stuff, his sister and mom was there. When I had Lilly, I was mostly there by myself. My mom came and went and visitors came and went....but I was mostly alone. My oldest brother was a security guard at that time at that hospital and he kept bringing me fruit bowls.

Just some more thoughts from the hospital I wanted to share.

RAIN!!!

My office building flooded a bit on Friday. It rained and rained and was so horrible. The wind was crazy. Our garage elevator shaft was pouring the rain and our stairs were a waterfall. The second floor got it pretty bad, they need their carpet replaced.

Hubby left for his search and rescue class Friday and I worried all weekend about him being out in that crazy rain and all the storms we had all weekend. He was sleeping in a tent. He's fine though.... his dad got sick. He hasn't told me much about the trip, but what he did tell me.........it sucked.

Lilly had practice on Saturday. I got the kids up, showered and bathed them, fed them, and then we went to hubby's mom's house to give her some pictures. Then we went to a ball field to watch my nephew for a bit and then it was time to go to Lilly's practice. I took Zach, it rained. We all got soaked, except for Zach of course. He had it made. He got the umbrella and a nice ride in the stroller away from the mud. He loved it. He was back to his normal happy self on Saturday too. I could tell he was feeling much better.

Sunday I tried looking for yellow baseball socks for Lilly and couldn't find any. Zach was getting fussy so we stopped by my grandma's house........

Hubby came home yesterday and you could tell Zach was so happy to see him. It was so cute to see. He even got his first ride on a 4-wheeler...... just from the driveway into the garage.

Lilly's first game is today, unless she gets rained out. Its going to storm again today. She leaves this Saturday to go to a zoo with her father and he brings her back on Wednesday, but she decided she wants to spend the night with grandma, so I won't see her until Thursday evening of next week. That's just one week without seeing her, but it always feels like forever.

I know this entry is a bit unorganized and kinda short and scattered, but I'm just not into it today.

Back to the ER

Left work early Tuesday cuz Zach was running a fever. Made him a doc appt for Wednesday. He got a nose swab, chest xray and blood work. Wednesday night his fever reached 101.6, so I went to the ER with him. They looked at his tests that he had done earlier in the day and said everything looks clear. There is a little bit of fluid in the lungs, but its nothing to be too concerned about...just watch it. Its not RSV, the flu or pneumonia. The ER doc said it was just a virus and his congestion that he's had for weeks is just another virus. They gave me a prescription to make his stuffy nose runny......I didn't sleep for 3 days straight. I took yesterday off so make sure his fever was down and we napped a bit. I'm still exhausted.

Lilly's game has been moved from Saturday to Monday....which makes me happy since hubby's gonna be gone all this weekend and he didn't want to miss her first game. She did really well at practice yesterday. Here's some pics of her practice. I figured out that my phone can take multi shots.....I love it.

Hubby was getting things ready for his trip last night. I was already in bed when he came home. He was getting ready to hop in the shower when his fire pager went off for a structure fire. So he got redressed and went. He came home about 4:00am, took a shower and did a little bit more packing. I was up feeding Zach. He told me he had to be at the fire station at 6 to leave and I told him I'd make sure he was up....I didn't wake him up until 5:55. I helped him get ready and finish packing and whatnot.....and he was the first one over there. He had to call a couple of them to get up. I was a little late getting to work since I helped hubby this morning and Zach was hungry when it was time to go out the door.

I'm kinda looking forward to this weekend. Its gonna be pretty and its just gonna be me and the kids, so we're gonna play and have lots of fun.........hopefully. I am gonna miss hubby a lot though. I haven't seen much of him these past couple of weeks. I hope everything goes well for him this weekend during this training/class.

Spring is here

**sigh**

Ok, deep breath taken, I'm ready now.

Friday, Lilly's practice was cut short because it started to rain. She was doing really well too. Then her father came and picked her up and she cried, and cried, and cried and broke my heart. Then, he let her call me to cry and tell me that she missed me..... 30 minutes after I said goodbye to her. Broke my heart again. I finally got her to calm down after nearly an hour. She had practice Saturday, but her father didn't take her because he had pictures scheduled. (see my angry face) He could have rescheduled it, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Not a big deal I guess, it is only t-ball. I get to pick her up early from school today for her dentist appointment, then she has practice....if weather permits. Its suppose to rain like crazy.

Yesterday was such a pretty day. We went out to Walmart for some shopping and spent almost $100 less than I expected to pay. Then we headed to hubby's mom's house for her birthday party thing. It wasn't until later, but we went early cuz hubby wanted to set up a tent....more on that later. I left to go shopping with hubby's sister for some food for a cookout later in the day. We ate hot dogs and burgers, played ping-pong and I took Zach out for a walk. Pretty day like that, I wanted to have Zach outside. I had him wear a light jacket and we strolled around a bit. He seemed to really enjoy it.

Oh, Zach is such a man. He loves TV. His favorite things to watch are wrestling, NASCAR, and of course Spongebob. He is just so fascinated by those shows. He will sit there in his bouncy seat and watch the entire thing without making much noise. He will coo at the tv at times and there is this one guy on wrestling that does make him cry. I ordered Wrestlemania last night, and he missed it. He fell asleep. Kinda sad he missed his first Wrestlemania. I missed that last 2 matches because I was just to sleepy, but I can watch those 2 later tonight. (the streak lives on!!)

This weekend, hubby is going on a trip sorta. He has a class with the fire station, a survival class. Him and a few others from the station and I'm sure much more from other stations are going out in the middle of nowhere for a search and rescue class. He's leaving Friday and coming back Sunday sometime. Lilly's first game is Saturday....he's gonna miss it.

I just got a text from Lilly's father's girlfriend with the pics that they just got on Saturday and they look really good. They went to the same place that I just took her last Sunday. I think these look better because they did her hair. I couldn't cuz I was in a hurry to get hubby to the hospital that day and she wouldn't let hubby's sister do it.

Here's some of the pics.........

Hubby's mom just sent me a pic of Lilly..........she is sunburnt.......again...........Ima gonna slap her father.