Christmas Blues

Doc appt yesterday went ok. She didn't really do much since I was basically checked out on Saturday. Yesterday was kind of a bad day anyway. I was in pain. My back hurt, I had some pressure, and it felt like someone was pushing on my tummy. My bruises hurt and my left leg is swollen real bad. My ankle hurts, too. The doc said not to worry about any of those, its all due to my fall. My boss kept telling everyone I was in labor yesterday. I kept telling her, and everyone else, that I wasn't and I was just fine...just a little pain.
Santa comes tonight at our house. Going today to have Christmas with my dad. Mom keeps calling me asking if I'm going to make it for Christmas and I have been telling her for a month now that I'm not. I'm not going up there to see anyone until Wednesday or so. She even had my ex-step dad call and ask me. You can ask all you want, but its not going to change. Yes, I already feel bad about it, you don't have to keep giving me the guilt trip.
Mom also keeps trying to name the baby. Every time she brings it up, I just keep saying NO before she even throws a name out there. I don't want to be mean, but its not her kid to name. We will find the perfect name when we find it. I told her, again, when I can come down with Lilly and she was trying to make plans for me to make it up to her house. I told her we could meet at grandma's. Then she said, "Yeah, I guess I can pick you guys up there and bring you to the house." No mom, I want to meet at grandma's and stay there. I haven't seen her in a long time either. "Ok, then I can just take you up to my house." No, mom, no. I would like to spend time with grandma too... and to be honest (I didn't tell her this last part) I don't really like going up to your house. Its fine the first couple minutes, but then it sucks. She pulls her grandma card way too much and lets Lilly get by with way too much. She also has inside dogs that shed... I'm not a fan of dog hair stuck all over my clothes. And her bf is adopting his grandson so he will be there. Whenever someone else is around, mom ignores me and Lilly. Last time I went to see her the neighbor and his girlfriend came over and I got to spend maybe 10 minutes out of the 5 hours I was there with mom. I don't want to be rude or selfish or anything like that, but I only get to see her once a month if we are lucky and she spends her time with other people that she sees all the time while we are there. Its almost gotten to the point where I don't really care if I see her that often or not. She can come to me. There's no reason why she can't. Why am I the only one driving that far to visit? I don't know. I'm just sorta not a fan of my entire family at this moment. I'm learning about who they really are and I don't like it. The stuff I posted on here is just the beginning and just the not so bad stuff.
Moving on........
I think we need to establish a holiday schedule. We don't have to see everyone on Christmas or Christmas Eve, but it seems like its always hubby's family that wins. Yeah, I just got done saying I'm not a big fan of mine right now, but I'd still like to see them, especially during the holidays. I didn't get to see ANY of my family on Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm visiting with mine all around Christmas this year and we are going to the in-laws on Christmas. How fair is that? How about we just not go anywhere on Christmas from now on and see everyone either before or after? I'm visiting dad, my step mom and 3 brothers today. Tomorrow, we do it at our house, then go to hubby's mom, then to my grandma (dad's mom) and then Lilly gets picked up by her father. Christmas we go to hubby's mom's then to his sister's for dinner. Sometime next week, I gotta make it to see mom, grandma (mom's mom), my step dad, 3 of my brothers and my nephew. I don't know. I just don't think its fair that we always spend every holiday with his family and no matter how much I bring it up and tell him how much I want to see mine and how much I don't ever get to see them, it never changes.
:-(
Maybe next year, I won't go anywhere and everyone can just come to our house if they want to see us. I'm tired of trying to make sure I see everyone on every holiday and then getting the guilt trip when I fail.