Tomorrow

I may have added my days wrong last time I was talking about Zach's birthday. I know I've had my days all messed up with the holidays and short work weeks.
Tomorrow is little man's birthday. A year ago today, I went into labor. I was having contractions all day. The times between them varied. 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 3 minutes, 3 minutes, 12 minutes, 30 minutes, 4 minutes.. I kept the post-it note where I was keeping track and put it in his baby book. I made it through my work day and went home. Lilly was at her father's. It was a Thursday. It was snowing. Late that night I drove out in the snow and the slick roads to get Subway. I called my mom on my way. She told me I'd better go ahead and go to the hospital before the weather gets worse. I was more interested in getting and eating my sandwich. On my way back home, the snow picked up and my contractions worstened.
After I made it home, I got down half of my footlong sub and told hubby that I think its time to go. It was 11:00 at night. He went downstairs and cleaned the snow off my car and warmed it up while I ate the other half of my sandwich. I waited. I was getting nervous. My heart started to beat hard and fast within my chest. I didn't want to go. I wasn't ready. Hubby gave me a small encouraging speech and I slowly made my way to the car, being careful not to fall down the stairs again.
On our way to the hospital, we slipped and slid all over the road. It was horrible. It was making me more nervous and my contractions got more painful. I sent out a mass text to everyone I knew telling them I was going to the hospital, but for them to not come in this weather. They can come to the hospital the next day, I would still be there. Of course hubby's parents didn't listen and they were there. I called my boss and told her I am officially calling off for the next 6 weeks. I called mom and told her I was almost at the hospital and that I'd see her later, for her not to come, the roads were too bad. I called my grandma and told her to come the next day. About this time it was almost midnight.
The hospital sent me to Triage where they hooked me up to monitors to check the intensity of my contractions and to keep track of my pulse and baby's heartbeat. After an hour they told me that if the weather wasn't so bad, they'd send me home. I walked the hallway, looked at the babies in the nursery, watched the snow fall outside. I stayed in Triage until about 5:00 in the morning. I still hadn't had any sleep. They moved me to a delivery room. Hubby stayed in there with me and took a nap on the couch. Hubby's mom and sister took turns being with me. They started pumping full of stuff that makes the next few hours really fuzzy. I remember telling hubby, in code, what name I was ok with. I didn't want to say it outloud becuase his sister was in there and we didn't want anyone to know. I remember fighting with Lilly's father and his mother to get Lilly here. Lilly got to come see me after the doctor put in my epidural and shortly after she came in, the doctor said it was time to push. It was 3:00 in the afternoon, and I still didn't get any sleep.
I pushed and pushed. Nothing. Hubby's head was almost between his knees. I pushed some more. Interns surrounded me, watching me fail. Hubby finally raised his head and stroked my hair away from my face. My epidural was turned off. Pain was beginning to surge through me. The baby wasn't moving. An hour of pushing and getting nowhere, it was time to move me into surgery. I cried. I cried so hard I almost hyperventilated. I felt like I failed. I sent out a quick text to everyone in the waiting room and my best friend that was miles and hours away.
They wheeled me into the OR, tears still streaming down my face. They took off my gown, put me on a table, put up a drape between my face and my tummy. Hubby came in with scrubs on and sat on a stool beside my head. They pumped me with more pain killers and gave me a few shots. After 5 minutes passed they cut. I could feel them tugging at my skin. Then..... I felt so much pain I screamed. The drugs failed me. They quickly gave me another shot, but I was already short of breath and scared. They gave me an air mask. I started to feel dizzy and I closed my eyes, fully aware of the tugging and pulling. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. I barely remember hearing Zach's first cry before I drifted off to sleep. Hubby tried to wake me to see the baby, but all I saw was fuzziness. I was sad because I couldn't see my baby, but I was so tired I just couldn't keep my eyes open. 4:15. He was born at 4:15.
When I woke up, both hubby and Zach were gone and the doctors were almost done closing me up. They transfered me to a rolling bed, somehow got a gown on me, and drapped blankets on me. I was wheeled to the recovery room. I laid there wondering where my baby was, wondering where my husband was. I was shivering uncontrolably. I was worried and felt so alone. A few nurses came and went. Finally after about 45 mintues, hubby comes in with Lilly and a nurse rolling Zach in. I got to see Lilly hold Zach for the first time. I cried. I was still shivering. I couldn't hold my baby yet. I was shaking too bad. The nurse brought me more blankets, but they didn't help. Hubby held Zach for a little bit. He said that he had to basically steal him from the nursery. Lilly was getting ready to leave. She looked so scared and worried watching me shake. I told her I was just cold, even though I wasn't at all. I gave her a big hug and told her I'd see her in a couple of days at home and Zach would be there too. She was so proud that we chose the name she picked out. They all left and I was alone again.
A little while later another nurse, one I hadn't seen before, came in and wheeled me into another room where I would stay for the remainder of my stay. I waited. Finally, hubby's mom and dad came back to see me. Visitors came and went. Zach finally came in after all his checkups. I got to hold him, it was so late, already dark outside. Hubby's parents, sister, neice, my step dad and oldest brother were the only ones to make it that day.
The next day was painful. I couldn't sit up. I still wasn't allowed to walk. I sat in bed. I talked to people as they came and went. Hubby got to stay in the room with me in a bed. I was really glad he got to stay. Mom came this day with 2 of my little brothers, my grandparents came, my step mom and my other little brother came, hubby's family came and went.
I had to learn to walk today and be able to go to the bathroom myself. It took me half an hour to go 5 feet. I felt dizzy, my legs wouldn't hardly move and I was still in so much pain. We got pictures done of Zach this day. I was so dizzy from my pain meds, I couldn't even watch. I hated that I missed out on his first photo shoot. I wanted to cry, but there was too many people in there. Hubby's grandpa was there for the pictures. We even got one of hubby, his grandpa and Zach.
The next day we got to leave. I sat in the backseat of the car to watch my baby. The next few days were all about me moving slow and learing how to handle a small baby again. Every time I saw hubby hold Zach, tears came to my eyes.
I couldn't even look at my incision until about a week after my staples were removed. Every now and then it still hurts.
 I can't believe that its been a year since I drove out in the snow to get me a sandwhich from Subway.......