So much

I got a call about 10 minutes before my alarm was to go off this morning and it was my Donavan telling me that mom is in the hospital with chest pains. I told him I'll be there and I hung up on him and got the kids up and ready. I didn't let Lilly know anything was wrong, but I tried to hurry her. Today is hat day at school and she couldn't make up her mind which hat she wanted to wear. I drop them off at day care about half an hour earlier than usual and head down the road. I hit every red light and even got behind a bus. My 15 minute drive turned into 40 minutes. I finally get there and I can't park in the emergency room parking because I need a token from the parking attendant, but there was no one around. So, I go all the way around the hospital to the front where the regular visitor parking is. Instead of being smart and parking near the entrance to the hospital, I just park in the first spot I see... and have to walk. Its about a 5 minute walk to the lobby from my car. I get inside and I decide to take the back entrance to the ER that is only for doctors and nurses. Finally! She was feeling better and not having pain when I got there but her blood pressure was really low. The doctor said that did not have a heart attack, but the muscles are weak. I asked about her blood pressure and he looked surprised when he looked at it and then turned off her Nitroglycerin drip. He said that could be causing it and since she was no longer in pain, she didn't need it. She seemed ok. I hung out a while and mom told me to take Donavan to the cafeteria to get breakfast. On our way out of the ER, I saw someone who looked familiar. It was my aunt and my grandma (mom's sister and mom). They looked at me funny and asked me who called me to tell me my grandpa was in the ER. He was there because he was passing blood. I told her mom was here and I took them to her. Then we went to the cafeteria. I got a banana, orange juice and a cereal bar. He got bacon, sausage and chicken. I made him get a banana too. We ate and went back to mom. She was hungry and was wanting coffee. We went back down and got her a biscuit and sausage, banana, cereal bar and a diet Coke. They didn't have the creamer she liked, so she didn't get coffee. She was kinda sad about the coffee so I made another attempt and went to the cafeteria on the other floor. I stopped and asked my grandma and aunt if they wanted coffee and my grandma came with us. Still no creamer that mom likes. She likes French Vanilla creamer, not the regular. Grandma ends up spilling an entire cup of coffee all over her arm and in the floor. We get that cleaned up and head back. Grandpa is feeling ok, it seemed. I hung out, mom slept and Donavan played on his iPod. My aunt then comes by and says she is going to a doctor appointment close to home and she can take Donavan so he goes. About an hour later, mom was told that there was a room getting cleaned for her. I got the room number and she made me leave. I waited until she ate lunch and headed to work for a few hours. I can't concentrate on anything. I should still be there, but she insisted I leave. So, I'm here. She is scheduled for a heart cath at 9:00 in the morning, so I will not be coming to work at all.

Some pics

Short Post

So, the unpoppable bubbles that we tried last night weren't all that unpoppable. They would bounce off the ground and your clothes but that was it. Kids had fun though. Lilly decided she wanted to pop a big bubble with her nose and it popped all over her head. I made her take a shower. Tonight we are going to try to make our own ice cream and I'll make chicken Parmesan and cheesy rice for dinner. I had my salad and tuna sandwich for lunch today. No breakfast and my apple tasted weird, so it ended up in the trash. I played around with my 10 pound dumbbells last night while catching up on Grey's Anatomy.

Today is crazy sock day at school for Lilly. She has a lot of bright and funky looking socks with crazy designs on them, but she didn't want to mix and match those. So, I thought of a Christmas sock with a Halloween sock. She loved it, but we went further. Today for school she wore a knee high bus yellow softball sock and a half calf snowman sock. Tomorrow is crazy hat day. She only has one weird hat, but I don't even know if it still fits. I might look up some stuff to do for hats. I think I just thought of something... she can wear her helmet and we'll poke some scarves through the holes on top... hmm..... maybe.....

I printed off her invitations today. I only did 8, but if she needs more, I can do more. The theme is GREEN since we are having it on St. Patricks Day. I have green wooden roses to give to the girls.. and boys if they want. We're going to get a green cake and serve green ice cream... If I can. I thought of just getting vanilla and coloring it. I'll make green jello and we'll have green juice. I'll blow up green balloons and have green beaded necklaces to give out too. I'll get some green candy from the candy store at the mall. I'm trying to think of games we can do now. Something that will entertain 7-8 year olds and seem fun to do for them and also something for the younger kids that might show up. I'll have to do some digging around for games and stuff with a St. Patrick's Day theme to it.

Yeah, I also remembered that I didn't post my pictures yesterday like I promised. I'll do it after this post. I'll put up everything from this weekend and yesterday with the bubbles.

I'm hungry... I wish it was time to go home. But even then, I have to thaw out the chicken.

The sound of me typing is kind of distracting today. I don't know why...

I'm also starting to get a headache and don't really feel like doing anything right now. I might get some coffee or something soon.

My Weekend is Over

I have been curious about Pintrest in a while so I finally decided to see what it was about. I love it! I already have a list of things for me and the kids to do this week. I'll make sure I get pictures.

This weekend it was mostly just me and Zach. We played. We cuddled. We ran. We giggled. And I'm actually sad to say that I'm glad to be back at work today. I really enjoyed my time with him, but mommy needed a break. I was never by myself. I didn't even get to take a shower until last night! I could never cut it as a stay at home mom. I like the idea of it, but when it comes down to it, I was born to be a working gal. Love my kids to death, but I just couldn't do it. It was ok. I kept running out of ideas on what to do with him to keep him busy. He got bored easily. I even let him take a shower, but he soon lost interest. We went outside to play, but he only played for about half an hour before he was done. I tried letting him paint, but he only did that for 5 minutes. I put out pots and pans to let him bang on, he didn't want to. We bounced balls, he didn't care. He just wanted to crawl on me and sit on me. I have so many bruises from his knees and elbows its not funny.

Friday- I was letting Lilly catch the bus. The bus stop is just a driveway down from mine, so we stood in ours until we saw the bus. There were no kids at the bus stop, so we just sort of stood around and she was excited. Until the kids showed up. Then she got nervous and wanted me to drive her to school. She was near tears. I told her I wasn't going to drive her and she needed to ride the bus. She kept saying that she'll do it next time, but what if I couldn't stand out there next time? What if Zach was sick and she had to do it alone. She wouldn't if she had never done it before. The bus pulled up and I said, "Go get on the bus." Then Zach says, "OK"  and starts heading for the bus. I had to grab him. Then he waves at Lilly and says, "Bye, Sissy! Have fun!" She walked so slow to the bus stop that the bus driver stopped where she was. I guess she did ok. I haven't seen her yet. I'll ask her today if it was really as bad as she thought it was going to be.

Took Tony our old love seat and recliner Saturday and finally went to sign Lilly up for softball. I had to volunteer for the concession stand this year. Not happy about that. Hubby works a lot and I'm not taking the kids there and I refuse to work during Lilly's games. We also had to pay $1 to 'get the application processed.' What? I know its only a dollar, but I shouldn't have to pay to volunteer! So not cool at all.

Thursday, a guy we know, who used to be hubby's good friend, who is also on the fire station, decided he was going to lose his mind and try to shoot his wife and kids. He's now in jail. Its crazy. I sent hubby a text about it and he started freaking out. When I got home I told hubby that it calls for celebration, so we ordered out for dinner. The wife and kids are fine, we're just glad that he's finally locked up.

Lost 11 pounds so far! I tried on some pants that are a size smaller, and they fit! A little tight, but I'm sure by next week, I'll be wearing them to work. I'm doing fantastic! Going to go walking today during lunch. Usually the weekends are hard for me to stay on track, but I did really well this time. Today for breakfast I had 2 hard boiled eggs without yolk and a cup of coffee. For lunch I brought a small salad and a tuna salad sandwich and I brought an apple to munch on. I was thinking Chicken Parmesan for dinner, but hubby has to be at the fire station tonight, so I'll have to find something quicker.

Zach's burn boo boo looks a whole lot better. He only had a little scab left where the blister had popped and yesterday it fell off while he was trying to lift his sleeve to show me. He said, "My boo boo all gone!" And threw his hands up. Then he found his scab on the floor and picked it up, "My boo boo!" I laughed until it hurt.

I'll do another post later today with pictures from this weekend. Its just Zach and my many attempts to keep him busy. OH, yeah... the stuff I found on Pintrest that I'm going to do with the kids. Tonight we are going to make unpoppable bubbles with water, corn syrup and dish soap. Tomorrow we are doing puff paint in the microwave with self rising flour, food coloring and salt. Wednesday we are making our own ice cream in baggies. Thursday we are painting with q-tips. And then Friday, depending on the weather, I was wanting to take the kids to the park to feed the ducks. We have some hot dog buns from Zach's party that has gotten hard and I don't want to just throw them out.

I'm running out of time to get Lilly's birthday stuff together. I haven't gotten her anything but 2 outfits and a bracelet. I have to get the invitations. I'll try to do that today. I'm thinking that we'll just serve pizza and have cake and stuff and do it at our house. Hopefully she can invite just the people she wants to. At school, you can't give out an invitation unless you have one for the entire class. Well, I don't want to invite the entire class. I'm thinking about having it on St. Patricks Day and have some 'green' activities they can do. I hope the weather is nice so we can go outside and I won't have so many people in my house. I just hope some of her friends show up this time.

Losing Weight and Losing My Mind

Um... I don't really know what to say today. I'm starving, but I'm losing weight. My work pants are lose. I'm going to try to fit into a size smaller later today. We'll see. I don't have my hopes up that I'll actually get them on yet, but it would be nice to know where I'm at.

Work has been crazy. I haven't really had time to breathe. I've been planning meetings, ordering lunch, getting that set up, trying to get the bills paid, learning about variable rates, booking flights, rearranging my hundreds of files so they'll fit on the shelves better, and all my usual crap. I'm so glad I'm off work tomorrow. Me and Zach are just gonna chill at the house. Maybe clean a little. I need to really start looking for another job again. It makes me kinda sad to think about leaving because my immediate boss is set that I'm going to take her place when she retires and she's finally starting to train me, but I seriously doubt that the bank is going to keep this department when she leaves. A lot of us thinks that they are going to sell it out to a bigger bank. We are the only small bank around here that has this department. So, after they sell it out, there is no place for me. And right now, I really need a job with more money. Its getting to the point where I can't pay day care, and if I can't pay day care, there's no point in me working. I'm thinking about looking at the day care for a job, but they don't have benefits. Hubby can't afford to take on health insurance. We're just in a pickle. I can stay and be broke and overdrawn, but we'll have benefits.... or I can find another job. I haven't looked in a month or two. Its time.

Today is going to go so slow because I'm off tomorrow. I'm already thinking about lunch. I didn't have any coffee this morning either. I think I'm going to make a cup soon. They gals down here decided to all go in on some k-cups for the Keurig we have down here. I told her I'd contribute if she ordered some flavored stuff like vanilla cappuccino or something like that. She gets 96 regular cups, different blends and 96 cups of flavored coffee like French Vanilla, Mudslide, Hazlenut... but its coffee and not cappuccino. I dished out $20 and I don't like any of the stuff yet. I like regular coffee, and then I like cappuccinos. Not flavored coffee. I've tried it. I've tried it different ways. I've tried straight up, I've tried with sugar, with more sugar, with cream, with cream and sugar, less sugar, more cream... yeah, I'm complaining. For $20 I could have gotten a lot of stuff that I actually wanted. Never again.

I have to remember to sign Lilly up for softball Saturday. Its the last day to do it. I get to keep her until Friday this week. Since day care is closed for training, her father doesn't want to drive that extra mile to my house so I'm keeping her and she'll catch the bus to school. She hasn't yet from the new house... well... every. She's caught the bus home, but not to school. The bus stop is right at the end of our driveway. Me and Zach will go out there with her. I think more than one bus runs by and picks up middle school kids and I gotta make sure she doesn't get on that bus. I was going to just drive her to school, but she really needs to catch the bus. There will come a day when I can't take her to the Y or walk her to the bus stop, so I need to make sure everything is fine and she knows where to stand and which bus to get on. Last time I needed her to ride the bus because Zach was sick, I didn't know what time it ran, so I had hubby's mom stop and get her.

Oh, I'm starving... and there's about an hour til lunch. Its days like this that make me want to break my diet and just munch on things or go out and get something because my salad is not what my tummy wants. I'm going to stay strong today.

My brain is not working today. I have things I really have to do today since I'll be out tomorrow, but I just can't.

UM.... yeah... I need to find time to write on my book. I think I'll print out what I have and take it home so I can work on it this weekend. I really want to get that thing done soon. I love to write.. that's what I want a job doing. My writing has certainly gone down hill since high school. I'm going to work on that. Its like my brain only contains 'mom' things now. Stuff like homework, dinner, how to fix a boo boo, how to get that stain out, ball practice/game times, my kids friends names, what cartoons are on at certain times... my brain doesn't really contain more than that really anymore.

I would like to go back to school for something like photography or journalism or something.... I still would like to open my own day care/foster home too. Nothing but dreams really. I'm not much of a risk taker and in order to do those things, I would have to take risks like quitting my job or something... and I can't do that. Hmmm...maybe that's why I'm a boring person. HA

Alright...I've been working on this off and on for a couple of hours now. I'm listening to calming music today. Its a nice change. Talked to hubby last night about how we've all kind of been grumpy since we moved. I know I've been grumpy and mean, but I can't stop. I try to be nice and stuff, but the grump comes out and I know it comes out and when its surfaced, there's not putting it back. I'm trying to work on that. Its caused a lot of heartache and headaches. Its not just me. Hubby's been that way, Lilly has too. Zach's just a growing boy and he throws his fits, but I blame that on the terrible 2's. Told hubby that its the ghost of the grumpy old man and he's possessed us. We're all just kind of worn out and stressed.

Time or lunch yet? Another 3 day weekend!!!

Zachs boo boo

Just a quick post to show you guys Zach's burn. Looks bad, but it's healing. I think he's proud of it. He likes to show it off and look at it.

Snow, Mud, Burns and Weight

My grandpa got to come home yesterday. He's feeling much better.

Saturday I packed the kids up to go see mom. It started snowing halfway there and I was getting worried. The big hill before her house was kind of bad and then right before the bridge to her house was a lot of mud. I was sliding sideways and was afraid I was about to go miss the bridge and go into the creek, but we made it. We weren't even there for 5 minutes before Zach touched her wood burning stove. Lilly told me, Zach didn't even cry or anything. I looked at his hand and it was just dirty where there was ashes and I wiped it off. A couple hours later I see a welp on his arm from the burn. Broke my heart. We put some aloe on it from an aloe plant. The kids played, the had lunch that I had packed for them.. and then it started snowing again, so we packed up and left. We went to my brother Josh's house where all of my younger brothers were. They were there helping Josh with paperwork for his job. We visited with them. Tony left not 5 minutes after I got there. My kids played with Josh's kids. Jeff eventually got off work-later than I had thought. So we visited with him for a bit before we left, it was about 7:00 by now and my kids were hungry again. We stopped at McDonalds and went to my grandma's house so they could eat and we visited with them. Tony came over while I was there. We weren't there 15 minutes and it started snowing really hard. By the time I had got the trash from the food cleaned up and Zach's diaper changed, there was half an inch on Maw's porch. Lilly was freaking out saying that she never drove in a snow storm before. I told her I was the one driving and she'll be fine. The roads were covered and it was snowing so hard I couldn't see a foot in front of my car. Its close to 8:00 now. Took us a while to get home, but we made it. Both kids fell asleep. I called my grandma and texted Tony when I got home to tell them I made it. It all melted the next day.

Sunday, I had the kids clean up their room. Took most of the day because they kept quitting and complaining. We went to Walmart and then out to eat. Zach actually ate all his chicken and my dish was fantastic.

Yesterday I had the day off work since the bank was closed for holiday. Lilly had school and I sent Zach to day care. I had originally planned to just take it easy, but CJ was off work too so I went to her house. We went out to eat and then back to her house to watch a movie. Picked the kids up before hubby even made it home. Made some steak for dinner and hit the Wii.

Zach still doesn't seem to mind his burn at all. We've put medicine on it. I'm afraid to give him a bath though. I've just been wiping him off with a cloth in the mornings. I'd hate to get him in the water and the burn start hurting. It looks good today. It looks like its healing well. I'll give him a bath by the end of the week, probably.

While I was on the Wii last night I decided to look at my weight chart. I weighed more than I thought I did, or more than I let myself believe. I have lost another pound so I'm actually down 10 now. It hit me last night while I was looking at my chart...seeing that line keep going down over time... that I'm really doing this. I'm actually losing weight. Its a great feeling. I wore a belt this weekend because my pants were lose!

I've been kind of dizzy today. Its lasted all morning and its kind of making me sick. I don't feel light headed, just dizzy. Like I'm drunk or like I've been spinning around in circles. I want to go home and maybe sleep it off, but I don't trust myself driving right now. I hope it passes before I get off work.

Tony's first day working at the new place was yesterday and he was sick. He went anyway, but on the first day you just basically read the rules and stuff. I really hope he enjoys that place as much as I did. I swear I'd still be there if they paid more, gave me holidays and weekends off and offered benefits. Loved the work, but not everything else. I texted him earlier and he's feeling better today and is back at work.

I know this is kind of short after being off for 3 days, but I'm really not feeling well. I'll try to take a picture of Zach's boo boo and post it tomorrow. Its looking better.

3 Day Weekend!!

I think I forgot to mention that the drain/flooding problem in my basement if fixed. Hubby got the pipes directed differently and I can wash dishes now! He fixed it Saturday, but I'm still catching up on my cleaning.

Last night we gave the kids giant Valentine's sugar cookies. They ate about half of it. I made some pizza pasta with double the meat. Hubby rented the new Spiderman movie. It was ok, but it was like they were trying to redo the first one. We didn't get to start the movie until 9:30 and it didn't go off until close to midnight. I'm quite tired today.

Lilly's Valentine's party is today. She's taking her teacher a blue and white wooden rose. They've already given out their cards and candy to each other, but they are going to eat candy and stuff today. Their party will only last about 20 minutes. She's super excited about it though. Zach's class exchanged cards yesterday, but I didn't have his. I thought they were going to do it today. I made them out and sent them today. I told hubby that for Valentine's Day I wanted some K-cups to take to work... preferably flavored. He stole some from his work and I was sifting through them... they were all regular coffee. He said, "No, they are flavored. This one is light roast. This one is French Blend." I laughed. I told him I'd still drink them, but he needs to learn his coffee.

I'm thinking about starting to sell Tastefully Simple things. I think it would be fun and I'd have a couple extra bucks. Tony finally got a job.. at the convenient store I used to work at. I miss that place. I swear I would go back if they would offer me better pay, benefits, holidays and weekends off... but that'll never happen. I loved the work, but hated the pay and hours. I'm excited for him and I hope he does a great job and loves it as much as I did. I stayed there nearly 5 years and was assistant manager when I quit.

My grandpa is still in the hospital. I didn't really get any news on what's going on yet. Mom called me yesterday evening and said that the doctor has talked to him, but it was after my grandma had left to go home and by the time my grandpa called her, he had forgotten everything the dr told him.

I'm thinking about skipping on my salad again today. Its going to go bad, I know. I just really want a burrito today. Yesterday I had a chicken wrap. Not too bad for me, but it also came with fries. I debated on the fries for about 10 minutes before I gave in. I did a little time on the Wii last night... maybe 15 minutes and I didn't go walking except to the mall. I bought Lilly 2 outfits and a bracelet for her birthday. The outfits are super cute. One is a white t-shirt with orange butterflies on it and they are kind of 3-D ish... and some orange Bermuda shorts. The other outfit is a black shirt with hot pink stripes and the number 81 in neon green and it has a fake undershirt look to it and I got neon green shorts with a hot pink belt to go with it. I'm excited for her birthday. I think we are going to have it at the house, but I'm not too sure just yet. The Y would be more practical, but I'd hate for it to be like last year. I rented this great place and none of her friends came. But to be fair, I didn't give her the invitations to give out until the last minute. We are going to give them out early this year... I just have to figure out where I'm having it.

3 day weekend. I was going to use Monday as a 'me' day, but I'm hanging out with CJ. I guess you could still call it a me day. After dropping the kids off, I'm headed to Mcdonalds for breakfast. I'll take it home and eat it while I watch one of my shows. I might take a nap. Then I'll head to CJ's house and we're going to watch the last Twilight movie. Plan A was to stay home and sleep all day or just watch tv. I think I may have gotten bored after a while and I would try to clean up the house. So Plan B is to hang out with CJ. I haven't really seen her in a long time. Zach's birthday party was the last time I think. Almost a month.

Planning on seeing mom tomorrow, but it might snow. If the roads are too bad, I'll try to plan for Sunday. I still haven't seen her since Christmas. I have to get Donavan's birthday present and might pick him up something else. He doesn't like cake, but I'm going to aim for something healthy. Maybe I'll cook them lunch or something.

Ok, its lunch time. I must decide on my salad or a burrito.

Happy Valentine's Day

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday because some stuff happened. My grandpa ended up in the hospital. His defibrillator went off and was taken in as a precaution. He's doing fine. They kept him over night to run some tests. I was talking to mom this morning and apparently there's more wrong than I knew. He has an aneurysm on a main artery. He might have cancer and might have Alzheimer's. I hope the doctors find everything and get him treated for what can be treated. I don't know how old he is. He's in his late 70's I think. Mom's supposed to call me when she knows more.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Today is just a regular day for me really. I just bought a bunch of strawberries so I'll make everyone some strawberry smoothies tonight and hubby's going to rent a movie...but that's it. That's all I want. To spend time together.

I got hubby to play the Wii with me last night. We bowled mostly and then I did some Wii Fit. I brought a salad for lunch, but I might save it for tomorrow and go out. I really wanted to go to the mall tomorrow, but its going to rain/snow so I'm going today and I'll pick up something while I'm out.

Keeping this short since its lunch time and I'm starving and that's all I can really think about.

My best friend's hubby is in Australia somewhere, she can never remember. So if any of my Australia reader happen to see a lost American running around out there, point him in the right direction. I'm sure there's plenty of lost American's down there though.

Fat Tuesday

Feeling a bit better today. I didn't really sleep or anything, but I'm just feeling good about myself today. I worked out on the Wii and did a 10 minute aerobic workout video yesterday. Still haven't lost any more weight, but I'm more serious than ever. Lent starts tomorrow and I'm giving up my most loved food...chocolate...for 40 days. I think that will help me in my goals. Weight loss group that I made on Facebook is really helping me out. Yesterday I was way under my calorie intake goal. Today I'm on the same track. I had a boiled egg with no  yolk and a banana with an 80 calorie cappuccino for breakfast. Lunch I had a spinach salad with cucumbers, tomatoes and celery. I brought kiwi, an apple and celery sticks with peanut butter for a snack. Thinking about baked chicken breast for dinner, but that may change. I'm going to try to get out of here soon to go walking. I'm just aiming for a 30 minute brisk walk and I'm hoping for about 2 miles out of it. Getting myself healthy and being this serious about it is giving me something to concentrate on. Its great.

I've been super busy at work today as well as yesterday. I worked during my lunch hour yesterday and I have yet to take one today. I'm only getting to type this up because I already know what I want to say and it won't take but 5 minutes. Hubby was talking last night about me quitting my job. He said that it would be cheaper for us in the long run. Not if he has to pick up the health care. He said that we won't have day care, parking or the gas and I kept arguing that we needed health care. Then he said I could get a job closer to home that pays way less. I told him that if I'm still the one paying health care and day care then I can't take a pay cut at all. His argument was that it would save me money on gas and parking, but I reminded him that he is the one that pays for that. I wish we could work something out. My books! I'm counting on my books! I haven't had time to work on them yet. I'd love to work on them today, but its crazy busy and my half an hour lunch that I'm required to take I'm using to go walk. And I'm not changing that. I need to get out.

I complain a lot, don't I?

Seth asked me yesterday to look into finding him an apartment to rent. I found a couple. I'm excited that he's ready to move out and get his life going. I hope he finds a job soon. I hope Tony finds one soon. They need to lower their expectations and go for lower paying jobs or they'll never get one. They need to just start working until they find something better. Neither has any income at the moment and any job is better than nothing. There is nothing wrong with working fast food. You get free food!

My dad is 49 today. Old man! I think he's home, but I'm not really sure. I sent him a text and told him on Facebook. Actually I posted a Walking Dead picture to his wall that said happy birthday. I thought it was fantastic.

I think I'm hooked on watching The Biggest Loser now. I like to watch it while I do free step on the Wii. It keeps me going and helps me realize that my goals are possible.

Ok.... I think I'm going walking now....

Hoping For a Change

For some reason I'm craving jalapeño peppers right now. I don't have any... maybe I should put that on my grocery list. I went to the store Saturday and stocked up on some healthy food. I got lots of fruits and veggies and tuna that should last me the rest of the week. Today for breakfast I had a banana and an 80 calorie cappuccino and for lunch I'm having a spinach salad with cucumbers, tomato and celery and then an apple and a kiwi for a snack. I'm going to try to get out and walk today, but I'm not counting on going 4 miles today. That nearly killed me.

Went to my grandma's yesterday with Zach just to visit and get out of the house. Tony came over and we talked. Zach played and ate lunch and when we started getting sleepy, we left. He fell asleep in the car before I reached the main road. Hubby finally finished fixing the pipes and now I can wash dishes. I got the dishwasher ran once last night. I'm going to run it again today and wash some in the sink. I did get the laundry finished last night....after I watched The Walking Dead. The weather was great this weekend and I took Zach out to play.

I don't get Lilly back until tomorrow because she doesn't have any school today and her father wanted another day, so I let him...trying to be the nice person.

I need to work on my books today. I need to get the first one finished. I'm going to try to get it finished this week. Its becoming a bit of a pain. Its easier for me to type it out than to write it or even do it on my phone so oddly enough, the only time I can do it is while I'm at work. I still stand firm on not getting a computer at the house. When the time comes that Lilly needs one for school, I will get her a laptop and put strict parental controls on it. We don't need one. We function fine without one. There is no reason to get one.

Diets going ok. I'm feeling tired though, but I don't know if that's due to the dieting. I think not having food is making me grouchy. I haven't lost anymore though. I feel like I'm killing myself over nothing. I know its a slow process, but I swear if things don't start looking better soon, I'm stuffing my face with chocolate cake.

I have a lot I want to write about, but I really don't feel like it. I want to go home and crawl back into bed and cuddle with my babies. I wish I could be a stay at home mom and spend as much time as possible with my kids. That's one reason I'm hoping my books take off and I can make a name for myself. Cross my fingers and pray that this works out for me. These books are my 'second act'... I've worked for people that could care less about their employees and worked with the public that would spit in my face if given the chance. I've applied to countless other jobs and nothing has came my way. I like to write. Its the only kind of 'job' that I like to do. I'm in no way a kind of reporter writer so I don't want to work for any news source, but if I had to, I would. I do need to learn to slow down and quit trying to get to my point as quickly as possible. I can't stay where I am for much longer. My immediate boss is retiring in a couple of years and after she is gone, I seriously don't think there will be a place for me. She keeps telling me that she expects me to take over her department, but she hasn't trained me and the bigger boss guys are probably planning on selling her department out. The bigger boss guys already walk all over me, I can't imagine how bad it would get after my immediate boss is gone. My goal is to be published by the end of the year.

Lost

I haven't seen CJ in a long time. I miss her. We have lots to catch up on. I dot even talk to her that much anymore. The only person that I can really say is my friend, I hardly talk to. Ive tried to get together to hang out, but nothing's worked out yet. I hope we can hang out soon. I'm in need of some CJ time.
Things have been rough the past few days. I thought things were great but I guess I was wrong. I wish I could live in a bubble with my kids an live happily ever after. Life has been hard lately and I'm second guessing a lot of things. Every time I think I'm happy, I'm proven wrong. Lilly and Zach have been keeping a smile on my face and when I look at them, I'm strong again. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what my next step is. All I can wish is that I finish my books and they are a big hit.
One day..... Things will be great and I won't have to force a smile most of the time. I feel empty when I'm not around my kids but sometimes they do make me want to pull my hair out. That's normal though, right?
I'm at the point where I'm ready to seek professional help.
I'm just at the point where I'm lost and I dont really know what else to do. My kids are my life, there's no doubt about that. But momma needs more to be happy about. I keep telling myself that they are all I need.

Puddles, diets, sleep and fun

Well..I'm sure I've talked about the drain in the basement that overflows when I run the dishwasher or do dishes in the sink or anything, right? I'm sure I have. Well... a couple nights ago there was a puddle downstairs in the basement and I didn't do dishes...so we have no idea what happened. We cleaned it up, but now I can't wash dishes until the pipe is re-routed, which hubby keeps saying that he's going to do soon. I'm at the point now where I can't cook because I have no clean dishes. I'm going to have to wash the dishes in the bathtub or just risk it and do them in the sink and hope the puddle doesn't get any bigger. I hope he works on it soon. He isn't going to dig up the floor or anything. There are some pipes that run along the ceiling in the basement and down the far wall so he's just going to connect it to that instead of the kitchen sink running to the pipe under the floor.

I walked 4.12 miles today for my lunch hour. It took me an hour and 6 minutes and I burned 495 calories! I'm very proud of myself. I walked from my work to the state capitol. I really didn't think my work was 2 miles away from the capitol. I made it there without any problems, but on the way back, my hips and back were hurting. I made it though!! Today I had a cinnamon roll for breakfast that was 410 calories and for lunch I had about a cup of rice a roni. I brought a spinach salad, but come to find out that the spinach was a bit more wilted than I originally thought. I'm going to Walmart tonight to pick up a few things. More salad stuff and some fruit. I hate to buy too much of it because it goes bad so quickly. Yesterday I had one of my days where I was so hungry and nothing filled me up.

I have a recipe for chicken cordon bleu for a crock pot that I'm really wanting to try out. Maybe I'll go ahead and get the stuff for that tonight too and fix it since the crock pot is clean.

Nothing new or exciting really to report on for the kids. Zach slept through the night 2 times in a row. Last night he only woke up once for a drink and a new diaper. Lilly was up because her nose was stuffy. I gave her medicine, but I guess it wasn't working well enough for her. She goes to her father's today and he's keeping her until Tuesday this time since there's no school on Monday. I'm going tomorrow to order hubby's Valentine's gift. I don't really want to do anything for Valentine's Day. I usually take the day after off work, but I'm taking the 22nd off because there's no day care that day.

I called Donavan for his birthday and he told me that he wants a big Nerf gun, so I'm going to get him that and a Ghost Adventures DVD set. He really likes that show, but sometimes he can't watch it.

So, I've been doing ok on my resolutions so far I think. I'm sticking to them. I'm doing crafts, losing weight, cooking new things, working on my patience...but I'm having trouble finding 'me' time. I guess I can count the times I go out walking. I go by myself. I'm not really relaxing, though. The 18th is my 'me' day. Lilly has school, but the bank is closed so I'm home. I'm sending Zach to day care and I'm spending the day alone. I'm probably going to end up eating McDonald's and sleeping... and renting a movie. Any suggestions? I still haven't seen Bridesmaids yet. I might get that. Hubby rented Here Comes The Boom with Kevin James in it. I love that man and the movie was cute, but a bit predictable.

The girls at work keep talking about books that I want to read. 4 of them are passing around the 3 book series by Gillian Flynn and now one girl is talking about Room..the #1 book on my list to read! So, my headphones have been in all day. I need to get these books on my Kindle and start reading them! I've been working on my  Wizard of Oz series and I'm about halfway through the second one, but I really want to read these others books before they are ruined for me.

I worked on my children's books yesterday and got to about page 10. I think I'm being a bit too descriptive for it to be a kids book. I'm going to have to go back and shorten it a bit or aim for an older range of kids. I think I might try them out on Lilly first. If she likes them and can understand them then we are good to go, but if she has problems following the story then I have to rewrite.

A guy I work with found another job and his last day is tomorrow. We are throwing him a party and bringing food. I can't cook since my kitchen is broken, so I'm going to go pick up some cookies or something from a bakery. Just thinking about it makes me want a cookie. Its days like tomorrow that make my diet difficult.

I have finally discovered the fun of the Pandora app. I think I can delete my music app now. Pandora just eats up my battery really fast. I need to get a second phone charger and bring it to work.

Rambling now? Ok.. I'll stop....

I ramble too much to think of a title for my posts

I talked hubby into playing the Wii with me last night. I got him to play 2 games of bowling, 3 holes of golf and 3 innings of baseball. Then I proceeded to box and then do some stuff on the Wii Fit Plus. I jumped on the scale this morning and saw a number that I hadn't seen in a loooooong time. And then today, I was doing great. I brought boiled eggs for breakfast and veggie pizza for lunch, but I decided I wanted to go out for lunch. I hit up Subway and ended up getting some cookies. I hope the cookies don't hurt me too much. I've been doing fantastic! I know I should have gone to the mall and stuck with what I brought, but I had a wild idea to go window shopping for Lilly's birthday. Mostly to try to see if I could find some Twinkle Toe shoes that I liked for her. I got her some last year for her birthday, but they didn't light up and I'm going to get her some that do. Her feet won't quit growing! The weather looks like its going to warm up a bit, so I can get out there and walk some more. Softball season starts up soon. One field is by a track that I'll probably walk while she's practicing. I'll stick Zach in his push bike and take off. Just a couple of rounds... I can't miss her practice... I like watching her.

I didn't really do much else yesterday. I got home and felt sick. I asked hubby to cook and I ran out and got some milk and Lilly some candy to take to school for Valentine's Day. I feel better today, but sore where I went stair climbing here at work. Thursday looks like a good workout day. Hubby has a meeting at the fire station...if he goes. He didn't go last night. He said it was because I said that I didn't feel well, but it never stopped him before.

I haven't gotten any further in writing my books. My brain seems to be at a stand still right now. I want to bring to work what I have written down and type it up so I can look at it as a whole and not on little pieces of paper. I need to go buy a notebook instead of using a little notepad.

Mom told me yesterday that Tony probably has a job installing cable. All he has to wait for is the background check to go through. My oldest brother Josh works for them as a dispatcher and was pulling for Tony. I'm glad he finally got something that pays good. Josh requested for Tony to be put in the town that he grew up in so he knows the area well.

I'm thinking about becoming a consultant for Pampered Chef or Tastefully Simple. I would like to do something that would bring in a couple extra bucks here and there that wouldn't require me putting in a lot of time. I could do that while working at my current job while writing my books. Hopefully my books will take off and I won't even have to work here. I just have so many ideas...its just finding the time to put them into writing. I tend to want to rush through my idea without putting in more time or details. I really hope this works out.

My youngest brother, Donavan turns 16 today. Hard to believe. It kind of breaks my heart. I'm probably going to cry on his 18th birthday. I was a bit sad on Tony and Seth's 18th birthdays. Tony turns 20 this year!! Makes me feel old. I raised these kids. Tony's been having problems out of his car lately and he'll call me asking questions and then I'll call mom and tell her that our son called. Its kinda funny but its so true. My boys are growing up.

Donavan turns 16 today. My dad's 49th birthday is on the 12th. My uncle's 39th and hubby's sister's 41st birthday is the 23rd. March is a busy month. My grandma is on the 3rd, Tony is 20 on the 4th, Josh is 31 on the 7th, my boss' is the 11th, Lilly is 8 on the 22nd, her sister is 9 on the 24th, hubby's mom's is the 29th. I gotta go shopping! Josh really turned 30 last year? How did I miss that? I'm going to be 27 this year. How did that happen? I swear I still feel like I'm 15 sometimes...until I look in the mirror. I don't FEEL this old. My joints ache and I have stretch marks and scars...but I'm still 15 right? I still go running through mud puddles and ride sleds down big hills. I still watch cartoons. I still stay up late eating pizza. I still play my radio way too loud. I still doodle instead of listening to adults! As I sit here with my earphones in listening to 90's music, I realized that the key to my happiness is to not act my age. I mean, I do a lot of kid stuff with my kids, but I need to do more kid stuff for me. I need to be sillier. I need to laugh more and talk loud. I need to stay up late talking about stupid stuff. I need to stop stressing so much and enjoy what I have. This whole being a responsible adult is fun and all, but I'm ready to release my inner child. I also still think the 90's was only 10 years ago!! What is going on? Where did all the time go? My boys are growing up and are graduating and driving and getting jobs. My kids are growing up so fast I can't keep up. I'm older than I am. I was once told that I had an old soul. I do believe that I do. I believe that I am mature for my age and I tend to have friends that are way older than I am. So, am I 15, 26 or 84? My brain is 15, my body is 26 and my soul is 84. That settles it!!

The girls at work have been talking about a book that I want to read, but I'm not going to for a while, so my earphones have been in my ears all day. They are books by Gillian Flynn called Dark Places, Sharp Objects, and Gone Girl. I'm very interested in these books. At the end of last year, I made a list of books I'm going to read this year and Room by Emma Donaghue is number 1 followed by these books. But I picked up my Wizard of Oz series last night and started reading on it. Here's my book list for this year...

1-Room by Emma Donague

2-Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

3-Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn

4-Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

5-The time Keeper by Mitch Albom

6-Finding Emma by Steena Holmes

7-The Lion, The lamb, The Hunted by Andrew Kaufman (might take this one off)

8-War Brides by Helen Bryan

9-11/22/63 by Stephen King

10-The Host by Stephanie Meyer

 

I have my list beside my desk to remind me what to read next. I haven't even started. I finished the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series and I took a break, but I'm ready to get to reading again. Maybe I'll put my book list on hold for a year so I can finish the 15 book series for Wizard of Oz. I wish Lilly loved to read as much as I do. I loved it as a kid. I just don't get why she doesn't. She likes some books, but she doesn't really like to read.

I have an  hour and a half before I leave to go home and I don't feel like I've done much today. I guess I must get to work. I'm so far behind on my input and filing that its not even funny.

Snowy Weekend

I feel horrible today. I think I'm getting a cold or something. It sucks.
The weekend went well. Hubby's dad's surgery went fine and he's home now. I finally got to take the kids to play in the snow. It was Zach's first time since we didn't really get any snow last year. He loves to ride the sled. I took them out at our house Saturday and let them play for about half an hour. It was about then that Zach was looking really cold. I had no problems getting them back in the house. Lilly likes pulling Zach around in the sled and sliding down the hill on her stomach. Sunday we took the kids to hubby's parent's house to play in the snow. They have a big hill behind their house. Zach loved it and I did have problems getting Lilly to go inside this time.
I got to do some crafts with the kids. I cut out big hearts and let them decorate them for Valentine's Day. Zach colored on his with crayons and then covered it with glue and stuck one small ribbon on it. Lilly put glitter and lots of ribbon on hers and then she made 3 smaller hearts that said "I love you" in glitter. It was a nice fun activity that they both enjoyed.
The new recipe that I tried was onion potatoes. I cut up 2 large potatoes and put some onion soup seasoning on them and baked it. I made that with some pork chops. Turned out great. Hubby loved the potatoes.
Weight loss is still going strong. I still haven't gained. I lost about 1/2 a pound last week. Today I had 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast and I have a small spinach and cucumber salad and a piece of veggie pizza for lunch. Tomorrow will probably be the same. I have no idea what's going to be for dinner. I'm going to try to work out on the Wii today, but I'm aching all over and I don't feel well. My workout for the weekend was playing in the snow with the kids and pulling them around in the sled.
It looks like the weather is going to warm up and probably Thursday or Friday I can go for a walk during my lunch hour. I'm hoping to make it 3 miles this time. I've been averaging 2 miles.
I don't know if I mentioned yet or not, but hubby is back at work. Has been for a while. He was only off work for 3 days before he got to go back. So, all is good.
Lilly's birthday is a month and a half away!! She decided she wants the decorations to be flowers and purple, blue and green. I don't know if I'm having it at the house yet or not. It depends is softball season is in at that time, I guess. If she invites the team, I'll try to go somewhere else. There's a movie that's coming out 2 weeks before her birthday, so I'm going to take her to see it. It's Oz The Great and Powerful. We both love Wizard of Oz and this is one of the continuing stories. There's 15 altogether. I have the book of all of them. You can get it on Amazon. Its a 15 story book in one. I haven't read any further than the first book yet. I want to before we go see the movie.
Me time.. OH, me time. I'm going to get some me time on the 18th. I don't have to work, but Lilly has school and I'm sending Zach to day care. Part of me wants to use this time to clean, but part of me just wants to sleep and watch tv. My house really needs cleaned up, but I really want some rest. I need to work on the basement and the kids rooms. I don't know. We'll see what I feel like doing when the day arrives. I'm probably going to treat myself to some McDonalds since pay day is the Friday before. Or I'll do some Wii... Who knows?
My head feels like its going to explode and I can't think of anything else to write about. I hope I just have a cold and its not the beginning of something worse. My throat is sore, my head is pounding, my eyes burn, my nose is runny but I can't breathe, my entire body aches, I'm exhausted and I can't stop coughing and sneezing. All I want to do is to crawl back into bed with a box of tissues and some hot chocolate.

Lots of Words

Its snowing today! I can't believe the weather lately. I had the kids outside playing on Tuesday! I'm hoping to get to be able to take them out to play in the snow. Its supposed to snow more this weekend. They still don't have snow boots yet either.

I don't really remember when I posted last.... I could go back and look, but I'm feeling lazy today. Zach had a dr appointment Wednesday. He weighs 34 pounds and the dr said that he is developing perfectly and that his vocabulary is high for his age. After we left the dr office, I had to take him to day care so I could go to work. We got stuck in a storm. Strong winds were pushing my car around and the rain was so heavy that I couldn't see far in front of me. It only lasted about 5 minutes though.

As for my New Year's resolutions... I'm still going strong. For my crafts with the kids, me and Lilly finally finished her Valentine's box for school. I need to do crafts more often with them. As for cooking new stuff.. its coming along. I made Cajun chicken for the first time last week and hubby was not a fan. He only likes Cajun when its a taco. I don't think I'm averaging a new recipe every week, but I'm doing my best. My weight loss is coming along slowly. I'm still watching what I eat and trying to get some exercise. The Wii is hooked up to the tv in the living room and that's the one hubby watches all the time. So, I can only get on it when he's gone or in the shower. I've been eating better, but I still find myself falling of track sometimes. Like today... I didn't get to pack my lunch this morning, so I went out and grabbed something. Bad mistake. But its all a work in progress. I would love to be at least 10 pounds lighter by my anniversary in June. And patience... Some days are better than others when it comes to having patience. I'm still working on that too. What else did I have on my list? Saving money... yeah, I'm finding that hard to do since my take home pay has decreased since taxes and healthcare increased. In the summer, paying day care for Zach and summer camp for Lilly...it'll take all of my paycheck. Being more social... slowly. I don't think there's anyone I'll consider a new friend though. I'm trying to get old friends back. Does that count? Me time... that's hard to come by. Some nights I have to decide weather I'm going to watch one of my shows or try to workout and then every 5 minutes Zach is yelling for something. Me time is sort of non-existent. I'm waiting for a good movie to come out and some extra time so I can go to the movies myself soon and watch something I actually want to watch. Oh, wait... no... back on the social thing... I think I'm close to considering my Bre a friend. She is going to illustrating my children's books. Ok, moving on....

I still haven't lost anymore weight, but I haven't gained either. I'm at a standstill for now. The first 5 pounds were easy. I'm kind of getting sick of salads and water. Here's how my week has been- banana for breakfast and usually a spinach salad for lunch with carrots for a snack. One day I made tuna salad sandwiches. Next week though, I'm having 2 boiled eggs for breakfast and I have no idea what for lunch. Dinner is the hard part.

I had plans to go see Mom tomorrow, but she got a lot more snow that I did and told me not to come. Donavan's 16th birthday is Tuesday. I need to go get him something.

Tony's truck is falling apart. One of his friends have been working on it for him. I feel bad for him because he doesn't have a job yet and now he's paying to fix his truck. He's thinking about going back out on the road. I wish he wouldn't but if he can't find a job here, he's going to have to.

I have a lot on my mind. Its racing like I just drank a tub of coffee or something. I have so much I want to talk about, but I don't think I can stay on track.

Lilly didn't have school today due to the snow. She was excited this morning. She's missing her spelling test. She has been doing fantastic in school. I'm a very proud momma.

Zach's new favorite words are "hello" and "alright" and when something isn't alright he says "no-right" and it cracks me up.

I love my babies. Part of me wishes I could stay home with them and spend every possible minute with them, but then part of me knows that I'm a working person and I'll go crazy if I stay home. Maybe after I get my first series of books going, I'll start making some money and can stay home. Then I'll be working and be home. I haven't gotten to write any this week. Its been a weird week. I'm going to try to work on it some more this weekend and then I can send Bre the first book next week. That's what I really want to do... I want to be a writer. I used to write all the time back in the day when I was less stressed out and had more time. I wrote mostly poetry, but there were a few short stories in there too. Every once in a while I'll pump something out of my brain, but not as often as I used to. I need to start looking around for publishing companies nearby. I'd hate to have to travel or something. Hopefully there's something close.

Since I'm not going to mom's this weekend, maybe I can work on getting the house to feel more homey. We have a lot of clutter and there's no cleaning the basement until we have a yardsale. Maybe that'll happen next month.

CJ is moving tomorrow. In this cold and snow. I'd love to go and help her especially since she's helped me move several times, but its just so cold and I don't really want the kids there. They wouldn't be able to help and I'd be more concentrated on what they were doing or where they were than I would be helping. I feel bad. I'm sure she's going to have plenty of help though. I just hope she doesn't try to lift anything too heavy.

What else could I possibly have to ramble about?

Oh, hubby's dad had surgery today. He had a hernia in his esophagus. I haven't heard anything yet. He was supposed to go in at 10:30 and its 3:30 now. I hope everything went ok.

Yep... I think that's all I have right now.