Lost

I haven't seen CJ in a long time. I miss her. We have lots to catch up on. I dot even talk to her that much anymore. The only person that I can really say is my friend, I hardly talk to. Ive tried to get together to hang out, but nothing's worked out yet. I hope we can hang out soon. I'm in need of some CJ time.
Things have been rough the past few days. I thought things were great but I guess I was wrong. I wish I could live in a bubble with my kids an live happily ever after. Life has been hard lately and I'm second guessing a lot of things. Every time I think I'm happy, I'm proven wrong. Lilly and Zach have been keeping a smile on my face and when I look at them, I'm strong again. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what my next step is. All I can wish is that I finish my books and they are a big hit.
One day..... Things will be great and I won't have to force a smile most of the time. I feel empty when I'm not around my kids but sometimes they do make me want to pull my hair out. That's normal though, right?
I'm at the point where I'm ready to seek professional help.
I'm just at the point where I'm lost and I dont really know what else to do. My kids are my life, there's no doubt about that. But momma needs more to be happy about. I keep telling myself that they are all I need.