Sometime this week, I'm supposed to find out if I got the job or not. I'm scared and excited. I want this so bad. It will open so many more doors for me, it will help me get out of this rut I'm in and this dead end job. But... I will miss it here. I've been here 6 years and I've seen so many people come and go, but I feel like it was here that I came out of my shell. My first job, I wasn't shy at all. I was young and the world was mine. But job after job, I became more afraid of crowds, to even speak my mind in front of people. I'm finally ok with talking in front of the people I work with. It might just be the new group of people here or it could be that I've been here long enough, I feel like I belong. I just want to go back to my outgoing self.
If I get this job, it means so much. Its close to home. Its more money. Its the kind of job I want to do. I feel like its a job that I will look forward to going to every morning. The boss seems super nice. I'll be helping people. I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm trying to be ok with whatever they decide. I find myself wanting to get everything caught up here at work just in case I do get the new job, but then again, I just want to sit here and wait for my phone to ring.
This weekend was beautiful. I finally got to get the kids out to play and I rode my bike a bit. Saturday was also cleaning day. I was on my feet from 8am to 10pm. I was so sore. I cleaned all morning, went outside to play, then cleaned and cooked all evening. My lower back still hurts. Sunday my grandparents came down for a visit and after they had left, we went to my in-laws and ordered pizza. It started snowing before we left there. Beautiful weekend-gone.
I didn't take my medicine last night and I can tell. I'm getting very anxious and antsy and I kind of want to just scream. I was out and forgot to reorder it. I ordered it last night so I should have it to take tonight. I don't feel depressed, really. I did a little bit last night. Today, I just feel very anxious and my heart is racing. My body wants to constantly move, but my mind is running slow. Right now, my fingers are typing way faster than I can think and I have to keep hitting the back button. I'm so tired that my eyes hurt, but my body won't slow down enough to rest. I feel like I want to go outside and run around the block a couple of times and I am just so hungry. I can't seem to stop eating today. I don't know what's going on. I've eaten donuts, my breakfast bar, an orange, a donut stick, 2 cups of coffee and I'm still so hungry. Its not even lunch time and all I packed today was a salad. I might have to just save that for tomorrow and go out and get something. Maybe just the walk out will help calm me down a bit. And itchy... I feel ichy all over. But of course that could be the anxiety.
I think soon I'm going to have a yard sale. I really need to get rid of my stuff and I would really like to have the money. I have so much stuff and it just keeps piling on. I did give a bunch away to my cousins, but I still have so much left.
Ok, Ok... back to work I guess. Or lunch...