Monday, February 24, 2014

I Just Want To AHHHHH

Sometime this week, I'm supposed to find out if I got the job or not. I'm scared and excited. I want this so bad. It will open so many more doors for me, it will help me get out of this rut I'm in and this dead end job. But... I will miss it here. I've been here 6 years and I've seen so many people come and go, but I feel like it was here that I came out of my shell. My first job, I wasn't shy at all. I was young and the world was mine. But job after job, I became more afraid of crowds, to even speak my mind in front of people. I'm finally ok with talking in front of the people I work with. It might just be the new group of people here or it could be that I've been here long enough, I feel like I belong. I just want to go back to my outgoing self.
If I get this job, it means so much. Its close to home. Its more money. Its the kind of job I want to do. I feel like its a job that I will look forward to going to every morning. The boss seems super nice. I'll be helping people. I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm trying to be ok with whatever they decide. I find myself wanting to get everything caught up here at work just in case I do get the new job, but then again, I just want to sit here and wait for my phone to ring.
Moving on
This weekend was beautiful. I finally got to get the kids out to play and I rode my bike a bit. Saturday was also cleaning day. I was on my feet from 8am to 10pm. I was so sore. I cleaned all morning, went outside to play, then cleaned and cooked all evening. My lower back still hurts. Sunday my grandparents came down for a visit and after they had left, we went to my in-laws and ordered pizza. It started snowing before we left there. Beautiful weekend-gone.
I didn't take my medicine last night and I can tell. I'm getting very anxious and antsy and I kind of want to just scream. I was out and forgot to reorder it. I ordered it last night so I should have it to take tonight. I don't feel depressed, really. I did a little bit last night. Today, I just feel very anxious and my heart is racing. My body wants to constantly move, but my mind is running slow. Right now, my fingers are typing way faster than I can think and I have to keep hitting the back button. I'm so tired that my eyes hurt, but my body won't slow down enough to rest. I feel like I want to go outside and run around the block a couple of times and I am just so hungry. I can't seem to stop eating today. I don't know what's going on. I've eaten donuts, my breakfast bar, an orange, a donut stick, 2 cups of coffee and I'm still so hungry. Its not even lunch time and all I packed today was a salad. I might have to just save that for tomorrow and go out and get something. Maybe just the walk out will help calm me down a bit. And itchy... I feel ichy all over. But of course that could be the anxiety.
I think soon I'm going to have a yard sale. I really need to get rid of my stuff and I would really like to have the money. I have so much stuff and it just keeps piling on. I did give a bunch away to my cousins, but I still have so much left.
Ok, Ok... back to work I guess. Or lunch...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Good News, Sad News

Been super busy again lately, sorry for not posting. I'm trying to get a new job and also trying to get everything caught up with my current job in case I do leave. I've had a phone interview, a face to face interview and another phone interview for this one job that I want. Its so close to home and I'll make more money and it really seems like something I will enjoy doing. I should know one way or the other within a week or so. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!
A lot has happened, of course. Zach is almost 100% potty trained. He is in underwear throughout the day instead of a pull up and even stays dry most of the night. We got him a toddler bed that he loves too. The night we put it up for him, he put himself to bed an hour early. Its certainly made the bedtime routine so much easier. I was worried about him constantly getting out of bed or roaming the house in the middle of the night, but he's been doing really good.
I just signed Lilly up for softball so that should start real soon. She just brought home her midterm grades and I'm very proud. All A's with 2 B's in reading and spelling. She's really been trying lately. Her birthday is a little more than a month away. She's decided that she wants a dance party theme. I guess I'll have the Wii ready to go and also her little disco ball and stuff. I'm still trying to figure this one out. She's getting old enough now where I should have a separate party for family and friends.
Oh, I've also began volunteering at the day care to help out with the kids when I have spare time. I love holding the babies, but will go where they need me. Friday, they were horribly short staffed, so I had some toddlers. I really do love it.
We didn't really do much for Valentine's Day, but I'm not really a person to celebrate something like that. Hubby got me beautiful flowers, I got him a few little things and we went out to eat with Zach (Lilly was with her father) and had Chinese food. I did spend most of the day at the day care because I took the day off and hubby was sleeping since he had just come off midnight shift. The day after I went out and bought a bunch of Valentine candy for half off.
My step dad had his first wreck on Saturday. The weather was bad, we had lots of snow and ice and he isn't a very good driver anyway. He spun out, ran through someone's yard and hit and apartment building. Thankfully he is ok and his truck only has a dent. No damage to the building. I was freaking out, but he wouldn't let me come help him out. My oldest brother was already out and about and he stopped to help.
About a week ago, a guy I went to school with passed away in a car accident. He was a volunteer fire fighter from my home town, an EMT, he was in the army and did one tour in Iraq, he was a first responder and worked for the medical examiners office. He was a very busy guy. Such a nice and friendly person, it was sad to see him go. His best friend said at the funeral that he was now in Heaven helping to put out fires in Hell. And the next week we got sooo much snow. His best friend posted on Facebook that he knew it was because he was putting out fires.
I think that about sums up my past month.

Sunday, February 9, 2014