Tuesday, August 31, 2010
You know.... I see my mom once a month if I'm lucky. I don't go see her unless I have Lilly and I have to take days off work or go on holidays to see her cuz I don't have weekends. I couldn't tell ya the last time she got to spend any time outside of school with any of her friends and I don't remember the last time she saw my dad. I try to spend as much time with her as possible, but time is limited and things are so rushed. Between her school and my work and her going away to her father's house... there's no time for anything but bad moods, crying, frustration and 10 minutes of play right before bedtime. We need a better, more organized routine allowing for more time for Lilly. School is a very important thing and I just don't think her father is taking the situation as seriously as he should. Instead of being concerned about HIS time he should be concerned about LILLY'S time.
Yeah...I have just a few more hours of pulling my hair out before court. I'm already getting anxious and a bit upset.
I have no idea what else is going on....... this seems to be consuming all of my thoughts since yesterday when I found out I had court today. A little more notice would have been nice.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Last night when I was trying to go to sleep, he starts kicking and moving like crazy. I think that he's just trying to find a comfy position. About ten minutes of him constantly moving about, he balls himself in a tight little ball.......... and it hurt so bad. I tried to massage him out of the ball, but he wasn't having any of it. Hubby finally gets home and I tell him to come here. He feels the big ball in my belly and starts freaking out. He tried to rub the baby, but nothing happens. I finally have him help me up and I walk around a bit. Baby finally stretches out. He had me in tears it hurt so bad.
Hubby starts training for his job today. Its gonna be hot this week, I hope he's not outside too much. There is a 90 day probationary period, ya know, like most jobs have..... but the only small problem is that we can't even try to get a loan for a house until those 90 days are over. Which means by the time the 90 days are up, the paper work goes through....we won't get a house until after the baby comes. I'm not complaining, I'm just worried. I think we are going to try with my bank where I work to see if they will be a bit more lenient with us and give us a loan sooner.
The good thing is, he's not too far from home. He's only like 10 minutes away on the interstate. And he's close to where his dad works, too. I still have no idea what exactly he will be doing. I don't think he does either, yet.
We've agreed on a middle name...Alexander. For a first name he wants Michael, I want Benjamin or Dominic and we both kind of like Zachary. That's about as far as we got. Mike, Ben, Nick, or Zach/Zack?
And for some reason I can no longer see who is following me. I noticed that I have a new follower, but I have no idea who you are. The people at work apparently blocked that section. So if you don't mind, leave me comment who you are. I like to follow back whoever follows me.
Friday, August 27, 2010
I can tell the baby is growing. He is no longer below my belly button. I can feel kicks and bumps just right above my belly button now. He's a very active little boy. I like to play with him already. Whenever he gets in his moods where he just wants to move around, I'll put my hand or just a finger on my belly and push a little.... and he will kick away at my hand.
Lilly finally got so spend some time with her best friend from pre-school. They are in the same Kindergarten school, but not the same class and they only see each other at lunch time, but they can't sit together. When I dropped her off at the before school care, he was there and you should have seen her face light up. As soon as we got in the doors she went straight over to him and they gave each other hugs like they hadn't seen each other in years. I'd think they would see each other on the playground, but maybe the classes go out at different times. He hasn't been at the Y all summer and today was his first day back. It was nice to see them back attached at the hip. She's been talking about him since June.
I really wish I could send videos from my phone to this computer. I have some great videos that I would love to share, but the only way this phone lets me share them is through bluetooth.
My ankles are so swollen I can no longer see my ankle bones. My feet hurt all the time. :-(
I did have a problem with my feet swelling up last time, but it wasn't until I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant. I'm just 4 1/2 months now and I can't see my ankle bones. I even saw a new stretch mark last night! I freaked out. Lilly did horrible things to my stomach with stretch marks and I even used Cocoa Butter (sp?) about 3 times a day from the time I found out to the day she was born. Of course I didn't really show until I was 6 or 7 months along. One day it looked like I wasn't pregnant at all, but when I woke up the next day I was 3 sizes bigger with a tummy full of stretch marks.
So I guess all around, everything is good. Its been a really good week, or even couple of weeks. It seems like as soon as I hit my second trimester, I've been happier. Yeah, I still get mad and upset, but it doesn't last nearly as long at it use to. I'm hoping this new mood will last me forever.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Here's his cute little feet. One is bigger than the other cuz its closer to the ultrasound thingy.
Here's his head and a hand. You can see his face in there; the eyes, nose and mouth.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Lilly's first day of school went great. The night before I was freaking out. I was trying to make sure she had everything she needed. I made a list and I still forgot some stuff, but nothing too important. We got up at 7:00 and she was ready to go at 7:30. She was sitting on the couch with her backpack on asking when we were leaving. We made her lunch and got her snack together. We left the house at 8:00, school doesn't start until 8:35, but breakfast starts at 8:00. There were no parking spots left. I had to park in the grass. We went in through the main doors and there was just so many people! We were told that we had to go to the classroom first, but I should have just taken her for breakfast first instead. So we make our way all the way to the end of the hallway, slowly since its so packed. We wait in line at the door so she can get her locker and put her backpack up then we head to the cafeteria. She gets a donut, milk, cereal and some strawberries, but 15 minutes later the bell rings and she starts freaking out. I tell her she has plenty of time to finish, but she wants to go now. She said, "The bell rang, that means we have to go to class!" I felt kind of bad cuz she only ate her donut and half her cereal. I tried to get her to sit and eat a bit more cuz she had 10 minutes before the second bell rang, but she wanted to go.
I walked her back to her classroom and took her inside after "pushing" our way through the door. There was a few parents and kids having problems with their goodbyes and taking a bit long at the door. I took her in and she found one of her friends. I told her that maw maw was going to be in class in just a minute (hubby's mom is the teacher's aid) but she wanted me to stay. I told her that I have to go, gave her a hug and kiss, told her I love her and to have fun. Her eyes started to swell up, "Mommy, don't leave, I don't know what to do." I said, "You just sit here and play for now, the teacher will tell you what to do." I gave her another kiss and walked out of the room before she could start crying. I stood outside the door for a while, I was waiting on hubby's mom cuz she was suppose to give me something, but she was nowhere to be found. I peeked in on Lilly and she was sitting there mad at the world. Her arms were crossed and she was just sitting there, not playing or anything. There was nothing I could do, so I left. I finally found hubby's mom and we talked for a bit and then I was on my way. Walking back to my car, my heart fell and my eyes started to tear up. Not because I was "letting go," no we are used to that. I was worried about her not having enough breakfast and her being scared in a big school. It still makes me sad when I think about it. Tears are rolling as I type this.
The time to pick her up finally came and me and hubby went down there to get her. The teacher wouldn't let us in the classroom, the parents had to stand at the door and she got the kids for you. There was a line halfway down the hall. We finally got there and Lilly came to the door very excited. She had to tell me everything she did right that minute. The most exciting thing to her was that she ate all of her lunch. When we got home she was still talking, but she had a few people that wanted her to call her. My mom, my grandma, her father and her father's mom. So, we called my grandma first cuz I knew she was home, then her father's mom. We tried calling my mom, but she wasn't home. About an hour later mom called back and they talked a bit. We had to wait a while to call her father cuz he wasn't home from work, but she got to talk to everyone.
I'm glad she likes it and is still excited about going. I still worry though. Hubby is taking her to school today. I'm worried he won't get there in time for her to eat. The day care bus is picking her up at school and she is very excited about that. I'm going to pick her up at the day care center after my doctor's appointment. Then tomorrow, I'm dropping her off at day care and they are taking her to school. They have breakfast there before they take the kids to school, but if she doesn't eat there, she still has time to eat at school if she wants. I don't see her eating breakfast at school by herself. Unless one of her close friends does breakfast at school that rode the day care bus with her, she's not going to do it. I'm worried about her getting to her class by herself too. The kindergarten classes are all the way at the end of the hallway. So I sit here and picture her hungry and lost in the school. She never had to do anything like this by herself. I know she will get the hang of it, but until then, I'm going to worry.
When I was in Elementary school, everyone had to go to the cafeteria and your teacher came in there and go the class. I think they did that up until third grade. I think if this school did something like that, I wouldn't worry so much. And all of those kids there. Hubby's mom told me that this school has more kids than any other elementary school in the county. Yeah, that's reassuring.....
So anyways..... here are a few pictures of Lilly's first day at school.
Here's Lilly eating her first breakfast at school.
Lilly at maw maw's desk before I told her I was leaving.Ok, Ok....maybe I am having trouble letting go. She's my baby and I worry.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Taking tomorrow off to tend to Lilly. She is starting Kindergarten tomorrow and we both are very excited. We went shopping yesterday for some things she can take for snack time and whenever she takes her own lunch. I don't think either one of us are going to have any kind of problem in the morning saying our goodbyes. I mean, we've been doing it since she was a baby. I've always worked. She's always been in day care. Yes, she's growing up and is starting a big school, but I know she will be ok. We went Tuesday so she could meet her teacher and see the kids in her class. She already knows 5 of the kids. Anthony, Drew, Brayden, Shane and Abigail. I don't know Abigail or Drew. I got more papers to fill out. I need to make my first day of school list so I know we have everything ready to go. I still haven't even written her name on any of her things yet! I need to do that and finish filling out the papers and make her lunch and remember a few more things. I am nervous that I'm going to forget something. Tuesday night I couldn't sleep cuz I kept thinking of things I still needed to buy for her.
They finally finished painting a bridge here. I don't remember when they started, but it seems like it was taking forever. Well... they aren't quite done yet, but almost. There was a voting for the color of the bridge. The options were red, green, light blue, dark blue, or gray. I kept voting for red, cuz really... how many red bridges do you see? I'm always seeing green or blue or gray. Orange would have been nice and bright. So anyway, the dark blue won mostly cuz its the college colors. Some people were making it kinda like a rival thing. Green for Marshall and dark blue for WVU. I still voted for red. This bridge is a very important busy bridge. In order to get from town to the main shopping places you have to go over this bridge and taken the exit that's actually on the bridge. The exit everyone takes here at work to get to work is on that bridge. All of it was closed for the painting. As far as I know, the exits and on ramps are all open again. I don't know. I try not to take the interstate unless I have to or I'm in a super hurry or whatever. I just don't like the though of there being a wreck or something and I'm stuck sitting on the interstate for hours. And the thought of wrecking at 70 mph is a turn off also. I've wrecked, but my major ones all happened at less than 40 mph. I use to not have a problem with the interstate until one guy basically ran me off the road cuz he was going to miss his exit. Stupid people and high speeds do not mix very well. Anyways...here's the bridge....
The baby is moving A LOT now. It kinda feels like someone is trying to tickle me from the inside. It doesn't tickle, it just feels weird. Um.... whenever I go a long time without eating anything I get the worst heartburn. I guess that's baby's way of telling me to feed it. I use to get sick if I went too long without eating, but now baby has found the power of heartburn. I can handle the sick feeling, but not the heartburn. Its like slowly throwing up fire. I can't wait until Monday. I just know that day is going to go by so slow. I should have had my appointment early in the morning, but I made it at the end of the day so I could just leave work. Now I have to wait until 2:30 on Monday to find out if I'm having a Morgan or a Cameron. A Benjamin or an Asilia. A Rose or an Alexander. Lilly was trying to throw some names out last night and I told her we just need to wait and see what it is first. I think she has forgotten all about wanting to name the baby Octopus. Although, if it is a boy, I'm probably going to get a tattoo of an octopus, kinda like an inside joke while still representing him. I have a tattoo on my ankle of a blue Lily for my Lilly. Of course if its a girl her middle name will be Rose and I'll just get a rose, but a boy...what kind of tattoo do you get for a boy? I don't want to just put his name. I want a picture that represents him. So I figured an octopus would be the way I do it. I'd have a funny story behind that tattoo.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Lilly has an open house at her Kindergarten class today. She'll get to meet her teacher, see what kids are going to be in her room, get her locker, her desk... and I'll get to ask all my questions. We are all very excited. School starts this Friday!! I'm taking that day off. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I want to take her to school and pick her up instead of using the day care to do it on the first day. The day care will do it from now on, but for the first day, I want to do it. I got the lunch menu offline yesterday and I highlighted the days I know she will want to take her own lunch and I even went ahead and made a list of what she is taking on those days. This way we're not fighting about it or rushing around trying to come up with something that morning. She's taking her own lunch on the first day. They are having chicken fajitas. Yes, they are yummy, but my little girl is a very picky eater. She likes tacos, but not chicken tacos and fajitas are just not her thing.
Speaking of her day care... they lost her beach towel and bathing suit. I bought both at the beginning of summer and she has only used them there for water days. We haven't gotten to use them at home. She's been using my beach towel and a different bathing suit that we had to go buy cuz her other one was at day care. A month ago I started asking where her things were and they are still "missing." I think a parent took her things home. They had everything just laying on top of the cubbies out in the hallway where no one was watching. They could have at least put it in HER cubby instead of laying everything on top of all the cubbies. I am very upset about this. I pay good money for her to go there and for her and her things to be well taken care of. If they are going to start losing her things and being negligent then I'm going to have to find another day care. I pulled her out of one already because the teacher watched as another parent took Lilly's jacket and they did nothing about it. I don't pay them to lose her things. It would be understandable if it was something small like a toy and it got mixed up in their toys, broken or even lost...but this is both her towel and bathing suit. I finally sent the director an email telling her what's going on and she said she will see what she can do. If they still can't find it, I expect them to do something. Buy her replacements or something.
Hmm... an hour til lunch and I'm starving. Should I eat now and be hungry later, or just wait it out? I think I'll wait half an hour. This baby is keeping me hungry. I'm hungry all day every day and I can't eat enough to get full. I have to stop myself from eating too much.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Had a regular doc appt Friday. All they did was weigh me, check the baby's heartbeat and my blood pressure. Everything is fine.
I have been timing myself. Every two hours my bladder has had enough and needs to be emptied. The baby isn't even all that big yet and its still putting so much pressure on my bladder. My back hurts a lot too. I've also noticed that if I lay on my side, kind of on my stomach the baby kicks the hell out of me. I guess I'm squishing it, but that's the only way I can lay where I'm comfy. Well...I'm comfy until it starts moving. All of my sickness is gone but the emotions are still there. I'm generally happier, but tears still fall sometimes for no reason at all. My eyes need drained, that's all.
Saturday I got to hang out with my bff. We didn't really get to do much. She did get me a really cute baby book and bought me some baby clothes (yellow and white) and then we went to the firefighter picnic. It was too hot. We only stayed about an hour and a half until we had to head out so she can meet up with her family. I ended up going back after me and her departed only to be all hot and gross and bitten by bugs. I watched some people play horseshoes and then we did Bingo. Everyone was wanting me to stay and camp out like we all usually do. I didn't want to stay. Everyone was going to go 4 wheeling, I can't. Everyone was going to be drinking, I can't. Some of my favorite things to do, I can't do and I don't want to just sit there while everyone else enjoys it and rubs it in my face. Plus there was a storm rolling in. After I left hubby called me and told me there was a hole in the air mattress. HA! Another reason I'm glad I didn't stay. I had the air conditioning. I had McDonalds. I had a nice comfy bed all to myself. It was nice. I never get time like that alone anymore. I don't like sleeping by myself, but I made do that night.
Still no good word about the loan for the house. I think I should just forget about it at least until hubby gets a job. I was wanting to look for places to rent, but I don't want to sign a lease and then hubby gets a job and we can get that house... ya know? I keep hoping that a cheaper, better house will pop up. I've seen some, but not in the right area. There's this one cute house I saw on this site I check all the time www.realtor.com and I fell in love with it. It was white with blue trimming, a huge back yard, one car garage, 3 bedrooms..... but its not in the right area. If it was on the other side of the hill, we would be fine. Its on the east side of the hill and the cut off is at the bottom of the west side of the hill.
I forgot to wish everyone a Happy Friday the 13th on Friday.........
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Your Pregnancy: Week 17~By now you're well aware you're pregnant, even if your Mini hasn't started to make too much of a ruckus yet. You'll feel random aches and pains in weird places as your uterus grows. It's all part of the whole journey so don't freak out too much. Focus on those little flutters you feel in your belly as your baby lets his presence be known.
Your Body~Talk about mixed messages. After spending your whole life trying to avoid gaining weight, now you're told you must pack on the poundage. But not too many pounds, of course. And not the wrong kind of weight. It's exhausting. The bottom line is this: It's essential to gain an appropriate amount of weight but via healthy foods, not milkshakes and FlufferNutters. Work with your health-care provider to develop a weight-gain plan that will work for you. Now's not the time to diet. You should never try limiting calories while you're pregnant. Don't worry about gaining more weight than you should while pregnant. You can lose it after the baby is born. Remember that a pregnant woman needs about 300 extra calories each day, which is just a small snack, like a small bag of trail mix or some crackers with cheese.
Your Baby~Speaking of packing on the pounds, that what it's all about for baby this week. He's adding fat stores that will keep him warm and cozy after he's born. Your baby's weight will increase approximately six times over the next four weeks. Good to know you're not the only one tipping the scale. Also this week: Your baby is hard at work honing his sucking and swallowing reflexes—all the better for eating that 2 AM (and 5 AM, and 8 AM ...) meal in a few months! The finger- and toenails are beginning to grow from their nail beds, which would explain why he'll need them trimmed almost as soon as he's born! Your baby weighs nearly 5 ounces and is a little over 5 inches long—about the size of a baked potato (load on the butter and sour cream, please).
Monday, August 9, 2010
Lilly finally asked me the question I've been expected her to ask for a long time. "Mommy? Mommies and Daddies are suppose to live together, so why don't you and daddy live together?" I explained it the best way I could.
"Because I'm living with Da da (that's what she calls hubby. That's what she's always called him) and Daddy is living with his girlfriend (we'll call her just gf for this blog). Da da is your step-dad and whenever daddy gets married, gf will be your step-mom. You'll have two dad's and two mom's. Daddy and gf have a kid and me and Da da is getting ready to have one."
"Yeah, mommy but how did daddy and gf have a kid and then you and daddy have me?"
"Um... that's just the way it worked out."
"But how are you and Da da having a baby if you and daddy already have me?"
"Because God wants you to be a big sister."
It was a bit awkward, but I think she gets it. I told her about how I have a step mom and some step dads and that my mom and dad don't live together and everyone had different kids.
Oh..........................2 MORE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And happy 8-9-10!!!!!!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
And yes...last night reality hit me and it hit me hard. I'm not a big fan of reality....I like my little dream world that I live in. Just the possibility of not getting that house, hubby not having a job yet, me not being able to find the time to go back to school, money being tight, not having insurance, a baby coming in 5 1/2 months, being disconnected from my family.... it all hit me last night at the same time. I made the mistake of telling hubby and now he thinks its all his fault... its not. He said that if we wouldn't have gotten laid off none of this would be happening...well...its not like he could've stopped them from laying him off. Yes, he should have done something about a job when he knew about his lay off back in March.... and we would probably have that house by now and health insurance but....... I don't know. I just don't want him to be sad over my ways of thinking. Yes, I'm sad about it all, but its ok.
I've been having a problem getting full. I can eat and eat and not get full anymore. I have to keep track of what I'm eating so I don't over eat without knowing. I'm still not really gaining any weight.... I think I've only gained a pound, if that.
Lilly's been doing great with writing. Her letters are more clear and recognizable. I mean... you could always tell what the letters were, but now they are on the lines right where they need to be. Her handwriting is getting better. She's also more interested in how to spell words instead of just making letters. She already knows a few words, but she's really getting into it now. I'm excited that she's so excited to learn. I hope she keeps that excitement, I always did. I loved school and learning new things. Even now, I love learning new things....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I have not had any success up to this point getting itapproved. The low reserves and credit scores are an issue. I have notlooked at it yet as a Housing program loan. I am wanting to check onthe scores for the PMI on that. I am sorry, but that is where we are atright now. I will check those scores and see it that will work and Iwant to check with another lender to see if she thinks she might be ableto get it to work through FHA, if that is ok with you. I will just talkto her and explain the situation and then if she thinks it might work, Iwill give you her number."
So I sent her an email back and told her that hubby is really trying to get a job, but the unemployment office won't send out his application. He knows a guy that does the hiring at a warehouse, where he would be getting paid $19/hr.... but he had to go to the unemployment office to fill out the application and now its just sitting on some guys desk under a pile of papers. Its been there for about 2 weeks now....maybe more. His credit score is way better than mine...he's had more time to build on it. If they would have just sent out his application in a timely manner like they are suppose to do, he would have a job, and we would have the house. The whole situation makes me so sad because I know we can make those payments for the house with no problems. Even with him being laid off we can do it....just imagine if he got that job! The loan lady showed us an amount of around $566 for the monthly payments...that is no problem. We pay $250 in rent right now, I won't have my storage building anymore which is another $80, I pay $460 a month in day care which is getting ready to be reduced to either $256 or $336 (it depends if I put Lilly in before and after or just after school care).... my credit card balance is almost zero so that's another $100 (that's what I choose to pay monthly, not what I have to)....his is almost zero too, but he likes to use his, I don't. We have everything else paid off, our cars his 4-wheeler, our rings, my other credit cards, our medical bills (well I guess that's not counting what I'm accumulating now though, but I've still got my fingers crossed for the state insurance).... we can do it with no problems. I don't know... I just know we can do it. Even if we had that payment right now with everything else, we could probably still do it. He pay half, I pay half.... makes me sad.
Taking a day off next week to go see mom. I haven't seen her since June sometime. I'm excited.
Lilly's growing up just a little too fast....although having her being independent is going to help when the baby comes...its still makes me kinda sad. She no longer needs me to tie her shoes or help her take a shower. She doesn't need me to wash her hair or even brush it anymore. My baby's growing up... :-(
Monday, August 2, 2010
I went to the mall on Friday and bought some Belly Bands. They are suppose to help you keep wearing your regular clothes. You just put this band over top the pants that you can't quite fit into. You can leave them unbuttoned and the band smooths it out so no one can tell and it hold up your pants. They were about $17.00 each, but I know I will save money since I won't have to go out and get pants every time I get bigger. I can't find any maternity clothes that I like, so I've just been buying bigger clothes, but now I won't have to until its absolutely necessary. I'm wearing one today, I wanted to try it out so I wore a pair that's a bit snug. I don't know if I like them or not. It doesn't stay where its suppose to stay. Its rolls and moves about. If I put it where its suppose to go, when I sit down it rolls up on the bottom. If I fold it over, it makes me bulge in weird places. I'm going to be adjusting it all day. They only have one size....one size fits all deal. I mean...it fits...its just awkward. I may have worn the wrong shirt too. Its not that long and its a bit form fitting. This will probably be the last time I wear this shirt this year. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Life is good. Haven't really been too unhappy lately. I still have my moments, but they aren't as bad. Been getting along with hubby very well. Been more patient with Lilly. Everything is fine and dandy..... for now anyway.
I think when I come back from maternity leave, I'm going to start actively looking for another job. They are wanting to move me up in this company and I just don't feel comfortable doing what they want me to do. I don't like this job and its getting harder for me to pretend that I do. I don't understand this job at all and I've been here for 2 1/2 years. I've told myself that if hubby does get this really good paying job at the warehouse, I'm going to go back to school. Take weekend or night classes or something. Something that won't interfere with my duties at home and take time away from my family. Maybe something online. I don't have a computer at home and I won't get one, but I could go to someone's house if needed I guess. I'll have to see what is offered before I get all excited about a certain job. I still really want to go into teaching, but if that's not really an option, then I will just have to settle with something else. Something that I know I'll like and enjoy. I need to stay here at this job until at least my maternity leave. If I change jobs now I won't be there long enough to qualify for a paid leave. I just really need to get out of here. I am miserable here. I've tried to put a smile on my face and learn to like this job, but I just can't anymore. If I could get out now and still have my leave.....I would in a heartbeat.