I am beyond exhausted today from the weekend. Oh, I didn't stop. Friday after I left work, I went to the store for some grocery shopping for the cookout I was having on Sunday for my family. Then I picked the kids up, let them play-Zach ended up wrecking his scooter, fed them and then helped Lilly pack and dropped her off to the camp out. Zach went with me and he carried her pillow.
Saturday, I got up, took a shower and went to pick Lilly up. Brought her home and told her to go to bed since she didn't sleep all night. I cleaned. I did laundry and washed dishes, swept off the front porch, fed Zach breakfast and then woke Lilly up to leave. Dropped her off to her father and I chatted with my grandparents a little. Stopped on the way home to talk to Tony while he was at work. Went home and finished laundry and finished up the kitchen and played with Zach. I rode on Lilly's scooter, we picked apples and went for a walk with Oreo, played with chalk and Lilly came home around bedtime.
Sunday, I swept and mopped, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned the mirrors, cleaned off the tables, cleaned Zach's room, put some more pictures in frames, dusted, hubby cleaned up the outside furniture, and I started cooking around noon. I put on the ranch mushrooms in the crock pot, baked a cake, made a huge fruit salad, and made an Oreo pudding pie. Even ended up making another run to the store for more chicken. Mom, Seth, Donavan, and my nephew Jacob showed up first. We chatted for a bit and then hubby's ex brother in law pulled in. He stayed and talked to hubby for about 10 minutes and left. While he was there, Jeff, Josh, his wife Tish and her kids, Patrick and Austin showed up. I went out on the porch and chatted for a bit and watched the kids play. Then my in-laws showed up. I went inside and started cooking and told hubby to start up the grill for the chicken and deer steaks. He waited. Tony and Bre showed up while I was cooking. I sliced up some red potatoes and baked them, made a green bean casserole, cooked some baked beans, baked some fish, cooked corn on the cob, and made the kids hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Also made some lemonade and sweet tea. Hubby finally got done grilling and everyone ate... except Seth. He decided he was going to go sit in the car. I tried and tried to get him to eat or at least get out of the car. He finally got out of the car and sat on the porch and played his guitar. I got him to take a bite of Oreo pie and a strawberry and that was it. I got to talk to people for probably 20 minutes before they all left. Found out mom is smoking again.
I'm glad I got to see everyone, but I was too busy cooking that I didn't really get to visit. Oreo was very well behaved and the kids had a blast. It didn't take long to clean up and then the kids took baths. Lilly's elbow started bleeding again, but she wouldn't let me put a bandage on it. I finally got some big ones, but she started crying saying that it would hurt, so we just put a towel on it.
My evaluation of Seth... I think he is wanting attention. He made a big deal about not eating, he went to sit in the car. He made it very known to everyone that he hasn't eaten all day and didn't want to talk to anyone. If someone is depressed or suicidal, they don't do that kind of stuff. Yes, they may seek attention to get help, but he doesn't even want to try to get help. I think all those days of being alone in the apartment has taken a toll on him and he saw just how fast people will come running when he wants them to. I'm just afraid of the measures he will take to get attention, though. I wish he would go get help and maybe get put on some medication.
I've noticed some things about my medication. I'm not depressed anymore, but I'm not really anything anymore. I'm not sad or overly happy or angry or anything... I'm just content all the time. My dreams are more vivid than before and sometimes, I swear, I actually FEEL like I'm in my dream living it for real. I feel the pain and the fear and I'm just so tired anymore, like I really did live my dream. I wake up with sore muscles when I can't think of a reason why they would be sore. I also can't breathe through my nose hardly anymore, but of course it could be a cold or allergies. My appetite has gone down significantly. I don't eat hardly as much as I used to and I'm just not hungry. Some days I have to make myself eat. I'm thankful for the medicine, I'm no longer falling down the endless spiral and feeling so alone, but there are just a few things that I have to adjust to now, I guess.