Thursday, May 26, 2011

More luminary bags

Here are the other 3 bags
Lilly's is the yellow handprint with a blue finger, Zach's is the two small handprints missing a finger and I just did one more simple bag. For some reason I couldn't get Zach to put his pinky on the paper, he'd curl it up and wouldn't straighten it out. Lilly did decorate the back of hers with a picture of her jumping in a pool, but she didn't color it, so I didn't take a pic. It wouldn't have shown up very well in the picture.
Lilly had a game yesterday and she did great. The last inning of the game the coach went out there and pitched to the kids, if they didn't hit the ball in 10 tries, they used the tee. Lilly hit the ball on her second try and she hit it hard. She was so proud of herself. I didn't bring the camera. That'll teach me to leave it at home. She has another game on Friday, 3rd game of the week.
Zach has a doc appt today. I believe he's getting shots. I had a dentist appointment yesterday for a cleaning and I guess I haven't been flossing good enough and the fact that I hadn't had a cleaning by a dentist in years didn't help. They had to do a deep cleaning, I go back in 90 days to finish it up and get a filling.
Going to hubby's uncle's "farm" on Friday after Lilly's game. Hopefully going to get to shoot my gun. I've had it almost 6 months now and haven't had the chance to try it out. Lilly's gonna be with her father, but we are taking Zach. Its going to be his first overnight stay somewhere other than home.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Pics of the bags

Here are two of the luminary bags that I did yesterday- front and back view.

I'm a big fan of the poca dots on the bag. I do it every year. Lilly worked on hers last night. She traced her hand and painted it and painted some other decorations on it, but only on the front. We had to let it dry so she can do the back tonight. She made her hand yellow except one finger, its blue.
Lilly had a game last night. It was at a new field outside of town. There was two ball fields right next to each other. We were waiting at the lower field and was getting mad cuz the other team wasn't there so we all got ready to leave, and there they all were on the the upper field. Lilly had her game and she did great. She loves playing ball so much. You can tell by the big smile she always has on her face during a game.
She has another game tonight. Its the first time she has games two nights in a row, but this one is at the regular field. Its suppose to rain, but it was suppose to storm yesterday and all we got was a little bit of light rain.
School ends in 8 days!! I can't believe the school year is already over. I swear it was just yesterday I was getting her ready for her first day. Well.... it feels like it was just the yesterday when she was a baby. Why? Why do kids have to grow up so fast? Why does time go by faster the older you get? Lilly has done so well in school. She has learned a lot and I am so very proud of her. She made new friends, learned to read, learned how to add and subtract, and so much more.
Mr. Zach still hasn't rolled over again. Lilly keeps waiting. Last night he rolled to his side, stayed there a while like he was stuck or something and then plopped back down on his tummy. Lilly was so mad.
Hubby's birthday is almost here and I still don't have his gift. I kind of know what I'm going to get him. I want to get him a blu-ray player, but I don't know what brand. I don't know if I should get the same brand as the DVD player we have now or get the brand to match the tv or if he has a favorite brand...I have no idea. I'll probably just go for cheap. I'm hoping to have his Father's Day gift done by the first weekend of June....that way we have time to do it over if we have to for some reason.
My birthday is next month too and I think I'm just going to tell hubby to get me a set of 5 or 10 pound weights. I've been wanting some for a while now, maybe even the Shake Weight. 25... I'm going to be 25. Seriously...what happened to the time? I'm halfway to 50. Hubby's gonna be 34. Next year I want to plan something big for him since I didn't get to on his 30th. Plan something fun and childish. 
I don't know if I'm going to get to do Zach's luminary bag tonight since Lilly has a game, so I'll have to post the pic of that one later, but tomorrow I should be able to put Lilly's up.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Wanna donate to American Cancer Society?

Our Relay event is fast approaching. We are holding our ceremony on June 10. I have only raised $180 so far, but that doesn't have my recent fundraiser included. So, this is me asking for donations. If you would like to make a donation to the American Cancer Society, please go here to help out. This is my personal page, the money goes straight to the American Cancer Society. If you would like, you can even donate "in memory of" a loved one or "in honor of" a loved one. We do a beautiful luminary service. If you donate in the luminary section, a bag will be made. The luminary bags is only a $10 donation. I'm making 5 this year for my friend that died last year of lung cancer. I'm putting Zach's handprints on one, letting Lilly decorate one, putting "in memory of Mary Bowen" on one and I don't know about the other 2 just yet. Feel free to go to the site. Click here to go to my personal page to make a donation. It doesn't have to be for a luminary, it could just be a donation. Your donation will go towards my goal, but will go directly to ACS. Take a look around the site. This specific link is to my county's Relay, but you can search further. Maybe you'll find an event near you.
If you donate to make a luminary, you can tell me how you would like it decorated in the comment section of this post, I'll take a picture and post it on my blog. If you just make it "in memory of" or "in honor of" someone, but don't tell me here in the comments how you'd like it decorated, I will just write "in memory" or "in honor" of the someone you listed during your donation process. I'll post the pictures of the bags I'm making now either tomorrow or the next day.
To further explain the luminary bags~ We put candles in the bags and light them while we say a prayer during our Relay event. Read how the ACS decribes it here, of course they call it luminaria. I guess I'm just different.
Thank you all!
I'll take pictures of all the bags lit up during the ceremony and post it on here after Relay.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Big weekend, hot weekend

This weekend was pretty great. Got up early Saturday cuz Lilly had her parade. Oh, she was so excited. I couldn't get her to calm down. She loved the sign that she made and she was ready to go. We get to the meeting place and the coach is not prepared at all. He made some signs that just had the kids names on them, no decoration. He didn't have anything other than signs to decorate the 'float' and there's suppose to be a contest on best decorated float. One of the dads runs and gets some balloons and streamer and we decorate. Lilly's sign got a prime spot so everyone could see it.

 We left her there to find a spot to watch. When she wheeled by her face was lit up. I got some great pics but they are on my other camera. After the parade all the kids lined up and they were all announced/introduced. It was suppose to be family day, too. Family day- I was thinking big inflatables, carnival games, hot dog vendors, maybe some cotton candy, something to do with water cuz it was so hot... ya know... a lot of fun stuff. There was one inflatable for all those kids and one dunk tank that was full of dirty water. Everyone was saying that last year was much better. We let Lilly do the inflatable once and we went to Dairy Queen. She had a game later that day too. We went to hubby's mom's house for a bit. She was going to watch Zach since its so hot.
Her game went ok. They only did 2 innings and my grandparents finally made it to watch. After her game we went back to hubby's mom's house. His sister was there with all her kids and Lilly played with them for about 5 hours. Running, playing, riding her bike, swinging, climbing...we put her to bed at 9:30 after her shower and she still got up at 6:30 the next morning!
Friday night, Zach rolled over for the first time. I was the only one that saw him the first time. Hubby just got up from the couch and Zach started to turn. I said, "Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Hey. Dad. Look. DAD!" and by that time he had rolled and Hubby just turned around and missed it by 1/2 a second. I put him back on his belly and hubby got the video camera. After about 5 minutes he rolled again. Then Lilly got mad cuz she didn't get to see him do it. He hasn't rolled since.
Sunday was just a nice relaxing day. Lilly played outside in the water. It started with just squirt guns and I took Zach out there and she squirted his feet. Then she wanted the big water gun that she needs the bucket for, so I got it. Then, she wanted to change in her bathing suit and play in the bucket.
Hubby then ran to the dollar store and got a little pool. Its not much, but its all we can do at the moment. Zach got in it for a little while. He liked it.
I traced Lilly's shadow with chalk Saturday evening. It was tall and stretched out. I did it so she could see how different shadows were at different times of the day. Sunday, we decorated it. We drew on clothes, shoes, a face, some flowers and even a purse. It was a nice artsy time for Lilly.
Zach has even found his toes. He tried to pull his sock off on Saturday, but he didn't pull hard enough.
Here's some close up tummy time picks of Zach and him with his hammer

Friday, May 20, 2011

Lilly jumping rope

I've been meaning to tell you guys for weeks now, that Zach has found his hands. I think it was the day right before Easter when he started staring at them. Its so funny. His eyes will zoom to his hand that is in front of his face. He'll open his fingers wide and just stare. He looks all serious like he's thinking, "What is this? Where did it come from?" And he'll look at it for 5 minutes at a time and when he's done looking at it, he jams it in his mouth.
Lilly went out on the porch to jump rope, here's some cool pictures I got of her.

We made her sign for the little league parade last night too.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Lilly's little league is having family day this Saturday. She's going to be in a parade. She was all worried this morning. "But we haven't practiced!" I told her that she didn't have to practice for a parade, that she's just riding in a truck and waving at people. I'm going to stop on my way home today to get a posterboard so she can make a sign to hang on the truck. I've been trying to remember all the kids names. I think I got them all. Her game was canceled yesterday too. It didn't rain yesterday but I guess the field was flooded from the 3 days that it did rain.
Went to Walmart yesterday and found Zach some onsies. 2 are hubby's favorite NASCAR driver, Tony Stewart and one is camo that says, "Dad's major man" or something like that. The camo is a bit big, I tried finding one that was his size, but they were all out. Lilly got another Justin Bieber shirt. It was only $4, so I let her get it. She was all excited.
Also going to get hubby's father's day gift today and we're gonna try to get it done either this weekend or the weekend of June 4. I'm getting a kit to do stepping stones. I found a kit that does 4 so each kid can do a foot and a hand. I'm very excited about this. I told hubby's sister that I'm gonna need her help. I don't have room in our apartment to do it. Probably going to buy another kit of the same thing so we have Christmas presents for grandparents. $12.99 for a kit of 4 stones, that's pretty good for Christmas presents. We can do 2 stones for each set of grandparents. I might even ask hubby's sister if she wants me to pick some up for her kids. She has 4 kids, so there's a full kit right there.
Hubby found a house that he liked yesterday that is for sale by owner. We don't know anything about it, the price, how many bedrooms...nothing, but he likes it. The owners are putting a new roof on it right now. It has an ok sized fenced in back yard and a garage and its on a backroad that's hardly traveled....but its right up the hill from his mom. She could walk up to our house if she wanted. Hubby's sister's kids could walk up if they wanted, they aren't that far away either. I guess its both good and bad and I could learn to deal with it. I've actually grown quite fond of his family. They are more of a family to me and Lilly than my own. I've tried looking up the house, but its not listed anywhere, not even on
I don't know if he's wanting to look into that house or not. Wouldn't hurt to take a look inside.
Here's some pics of Zach, enjoy!


Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Lilly helped me make lasagna last night and she ate it. She said, "I like this mommy. I don't like the kind that comes in a box from the store. You make it better."
Zach slept through the night. I put him down at 8:30 and I had to wake him at 5:30 so he could eat, get changed and all that fun stuff. I didn't want to be in the middle of getting ready and trying to leave the house and then he decide that he was hungry, so I got up early and got dressed then I woke him up to eat. We left he house at the same time. I did wake up at midnight and 3:00 and once more at 5:00 to check on him. Sleep is so wonderful.
Lilly has a ball game today. Its a bit earlier than her other games so hopefully we'll get home at a decent time. The little league has a parade thing on Saturday.
We got approved for our loan, but we haven't talked much about anything. We haven't talked about if we are going to try to get the house that we originally wanted and how much we are going to offer or if we are just going to look into other houses. Hubby hasn't been in much of a talky mood lately.
Keeping this one super short, just wanted to brag about Zach sleeping.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Couldn't wait 'til tomorrow


I went down to try to get a loan this morning and we were pre-approved!!!!!! FINALLY!! Oh, I am so extremely excited! This month has been so good to me. Our maximum price is $110,000. I was very surprised to see my credit score has risen so much, about 15 points. Happy happy happy happy happy happy. Now, all we have to do is find a house that we both agree on, which I don't think agreeing is going to be the hard part. There isn't much for sale in our area that meet our needs. Decent sized yard, not on the main road, at least 3 bedrooms, at least 2 baths, decent sized bedrooms, good size kitchen, not located up a big hill... the list goes on. There was this one house that we fell in love with, but its no longer listed. It is still empty and never has been sold, so we are going to check into that one. It has a garage, is the last house on a dead end street, huge back yard, sunroom, propane fireplace, hardwood floors in most of the rooms, basement and attic. Then, there's this cute house that was just put up for sale about a month ago. Its on the corner of two backroads, has a decent size yard, but its not level. The kitchen is small, but the bedrooms are ok. Has a huge deck that goes around 3 sides of the house, a lot of trees for privacy, garage and car port. We haven't been on the inside of this one, though. Then, there's this other house that I just printed off today. Its right next to Lilly's school with a huge back yard. Kitchen in a good size and so are the bedrooms. Hardwood floors, fireplace, garage... all the good stuff, but its a bit more pricey than the other houses. Well, hopefully I'll be able to report back soon about which house we are going to get. WOOHOO!!
There's a few houses that I love, but they are on the wrong side of town and Lilly would have to go to another school and I don't want to do that to her. If there was a way the school would let us move on the other side, but her still go to the same school, I'm sure we would do it. We don't really have to worry about her catching a bus or anything since she goes to the YMCA and they transport her. Hmmm... seems like I have some investigating to do.

I'm a good cook

Friday I got to the day care the same time as Lilly's father so I took Zach down so Lilly could tell him bye. I told her father the day before to pack her an extra pair of clothes cuz they were going to play in the water. He did, but he was not happy. She came to the door soaking wet and muddy. The kids had made a mudslide down the hill to the playground. I was standing there laughing with Lilly and asking if she was having fun, and oh she was. Her father just stood there. Finally he asked her where he shoes were. I looked at him and said, "I told her they were going to play in water. What did you expect?" He was so mad. I thought it was funny. I guess we all know which one is the cool parent, ha ha.
I don't remember anything else that happened Friday, but Saturday we went to hubby's nephew's bday party. It was cute. He's 4 now and he had a Toy Story themed party. His cake was done by this one lady, who only charges $35 for a cake, it doesn't matter how you want it decorated or anything, $35 flat. She uses all icing, too, no fondant and it looked and tasted so good. I told hubby's sis to keep her number, I'm gonna wanna use her. Zach was so good Saturday too. He cooed, he laughed, he smiled, just like he always does.
Sunday hubby went to Ohio to look at some fire trucks, he left at 8:00 in the morning. I was up with Zach. He hardly slept this weekend. He got up every 2 hours, even did it last night too. So, I got him ready and we headed to the store. I was going to go to my dad's house and cook for everyone, my dad, step mom, and two brothers...the two that surround me-one older, one younger. My younger brother informed me that Dad had left to go back to work and my step mom wouldn't be there, she was going to her mom's for a cookout. I was very excited to cook for my brothers. My step mom doesn't cook, so they don't get REAL food. I bought stuff for a green bean casserole and a chicken bake. Mom use to make the chicken bake when we were itty bitty and we called it chicken crap, so I made chicken crap. It was Chris's (older brother) favorite food. I also bought stuff for a pudding pie. When me and Zach got home from the store, I made the pie and cut the chicken in little pieces while he napped. I wasn't going to Dad's house until 4 when Tony (younger brother) got off work. I even went through some baby clothes and packed them up for my step brother (Josh-Little Josh) who has a baby boy coming in July. I gave him those zip up sleepers. I hate the zip up sleepers. You have to unzip the baby just to change his diaper and he gets cold. I only used them a few times then learned that they suck.
I had also bought Tony a shirt that said, "Have you seen my zombie?" and on the inside was a zombie face so when you pull the bottom of the shirt over your head, your face is the zombie. When I got to Dad's, he was wearing that shirt. Dad got it for him for Christmas. I had to laugh. He was wearing the exact shirt I got him. At least I know that what he likes. So I gave it to Chris.
Chris seemed better, too. I'm so worried about him. I've written about him before. He's got something wrong, but won't talk about it. He's a manic depressive, paranoid, and has a fear of large groups of people. He won't even go to the store to shop for groceries. Anyway... he seemed better this time than he did last time I saw him two weeks ago. He was actually talking this time. I worry about him. He got a cat and that seems to be helping him. They were so excited to see me and have me cook for them. The whole time I was preparing the food, they stood in the kitchen and watched me. They didn't do much with Zach, but I didn't expect them too. They aren't "baby" people. Zach was good while I cooked, though. He watched the big screen tv in his bouncy seat.
They loved my food. I didn't eat any cuz I wanted to make sure they had enough, so they could have left overs. I stayed about 3 hours before I decided to head out cuz hubby was due to be home. Chris actually even THANKED me for cooking and coming to see them. I left that house with a huge smile on my face knowing that I helped them out. I had been wanting to cook for Chris a long time ago when him and his girlfriend broke up cuz I knew he wasn't eating right without her there to cook. I never had the chance to cook for him then, I wanted to. Then he headed out on the road to work with Dad and I knew he wasn't eating right if he was even eating at all. And I feel bad for them now, staying at Dad's house. I'm going to cook for them again, I just don't know when. Next time I was thinking about a ravioli casserole. They love ravioli... and some chocolate chip cookies. Maybe I just need to teach my step mom how to cook and that would solve everything. HA, no. She was at a cookout at her mom's house and didn't even invite my brothers. I keep telling hubby that if we can get a big enough house, I want Tony and Chris to come live with us. 6 brothers to worry about. Its hard to do.
Speaking of a house......... I've got all my stuff together and I'm doing today to see if we qualify for a loan! I'm so tired of trying and being turned down. I can't help that my credit hasn't had time to build. Fingers crossed!

Friday, May 13, 2011

TGI Friday 13

Happy Friday the 13th!! Today is MY day. I rule Friday the 13th's. I was born on Friday the 13th. Today is my good luck day, my good mood day, my happy day...see ----->  :-)
Today's awesome post is about cool moms, so I got to thinking a lot about my mom and the childhood I did(n't) have. She was a strict parent, Dad was worse. As I got older, mom did lift up the rules a bit but not much. The phone conversations were 30 minutes. After that you better be off the phone or Mom would hang it up for you. If it wasn't storming, we better be outside and we could only come in to go to the bathroom. All through high school, I was the one that did all the cooking and the cleaning and I helped my little brothers with homework and gave my youngest brother his baths. I changed my first diaper at the age of 6, and kept changing them after that. Whenever mom didn't feel like doing something, she would call on me to do it. We even lived in this one house where my bedroom was just on the other side of the wall to the living room. Mom would knock on the wall and if I didn't come running, I got yelled at. Yeah.
In 2000, Mom had her first heart attack and that's when I had to take over everything and that's when mom stopped being a mom. I was only 13 at the time. It was the summer before my freshman year in high school. I had to take on being on the bottom of the ladder in school, peer pressure, stress from school and then all the stuff from home. I think I've talked about this before. I grew up way too fast and I didn't have a chance at a real childhood.
But somehow I smiled through it all. I would go grocery shopping with mom and that alone helped me stay happy. Just a little alone time with mom, sneaking candy bars or McDonalds and then hiding the evidence.
Shortly after mom's first heart attack, she divorced my first step dad and that's when she stopped being a mom. She did what she wanted to do, when she wanted and I was the one to pick up the slack. I disciplined my little brothers. I put them on the bus to school. I did all the things a mother should be doing while my mom acted like the teenager. I never got to go to parties. Instead I was at home putting bandaids on scrapes, putting kids to bed, holding their hands and telling them everything's going to be ok. 
I don't regret anything. I believe that doing what I did and being who I was led to who I am today. I am stronger because of all that. I am a good mom because of all that. I could have very easily turned my back on my family, but I didn't. I stayed. I took over. I have a very close relationship with my little brothers because of that. My brothers and I have been through hell together and we survived. My older brothers and I had it way worse than my little brothers. My little brothers had me as a mom instead of our mother. But my older brothers and I, we had Dad, and our step dad. Dad would yell at us for no reason or get us up in the middle of the night just to beat us. We couldn't talk to him unless he talked to us first. When we played, we had to be quiet. We couldn't even talk in the car. If we even looked at him wrong, we got it. My step dad was the same way, but he was a drunk on top of it all. We never had any money because my step dad and my mom would blow it on themselves. They wore name brand clothes while we wore hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. Mom's cigarettes came first, our groceries came second. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had learned to buy an entire wardrobe for me and my brothers for super cheap, we had been evicted from 3 houses and I had moved 11 times, I had been to 4 different school districts and I delt with mom's second divorce and third marriage. My older brothers moved out as soon as they got a chance. My oldest brother moved out in the middle of mom's second marriage, when I was about 10, when things were real bad. He moved in with my mom's mom. The brother right above me moved in with Dad right after mom's heart attack. I stayed. I couldn't leave my little brothers to fend for themselves. I lived through all kinds of abuse and so much neglect, but I couldn't leave...I wouldn't leave.
When she married the third time, things got a little better. This guy was great. He was a little more lenient and more understanding and he could cook great. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when he came into our lives. I still had to take care of my little brothers, but he was there in the background to help out. I still did all the cleaning, but he did most of the outside work with my little brothers. Things were better, they weren't great, but they were much better. Mom even stopped being so strict and I could hang out with friends after school and go to football games.
But then my second step dad's work went on strike and things were tight. We got evicted again and then we moved into a 2 bedroom shack with no running water. There was 6 of us, but we made it work. After I got pregnant I moved out.
After I had Lilly, my relationship with mom took a turn for the better. Then after I started dating my would be husband, mom kicked my second step dad out and I was back in the middle of everything. She had run into her first boyfriend and wanted to get back with him, so she ruined a great marriage. Here we go again, I thought. I gave my step dad a place to stay and gave him rides to work. He finally got his own place after about a month. Mom still does what she wants when she wants. The brother above me won't speak to her anymore, the brother under me didn't talk to her for almost a year. The brother under me moved in with Dad about 3 or 4 years ago and the brother under him moved in with his dad about the same time. I've lived through a lot and I have forgiven so many people for the wrongs they've done to me. My dad, my mom, my oldest brother..... so I have been able to move on and have good relationships with each of them. I am very proud of the life I've made for myself. I hear all these stories of people that turn to drugs and/or alcohol cuz they were abused as a child. Yeah, well...I lived through it all and probably worse and I'm doing just fine.
I have vowed, even before I had Lilly, to be a good mother, to be a cool mom, to always be there for my be the mom mine wasn't.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Need a change

So....... I don't really have anything to write about today. I'm bored out of my mind and kind of want to go home.
I'm still unsure if I'm taking tomorrow off or not. I might just come in for the extra hours. I was planning on having all 40 hours by the end of today and not use a vacation day, but I could use the over-time. I do have my fingers crossed that I have some kind of raise on my pay check tomorrow. If not... I have a couple applications that I'm going to mail out. I hate to do it, but I desperately need to be making more money. Thinking about working for the state. Pays good, great benefits and where I'm applying is closer to home than my current job. Its just at the point where I hate coming here now. I hate the work I do. The people aren't all that nice. I could give you a list of things, but I'm not. Not today anyway. I don't like that I dread coming to work everyday. I want to have a job that I like, one that I can be proud of. I don't know.
Gonna try tomorrow to get a loan for a house, even though I don't think we can afford it. Even if my credit score is high enough to get a loan, I just don't see how we are going to manage. Unless hubby is making more money than I thought, there's just no way. Hoping that I'll get a good paying job soon, then I won't have to worry. I don't like how everything depends on how much money a person makes. Can't afford to put gas in my car or to pay day care. Might as well just stay home. I'll save money that way. No $900 a month for day care, $60 a month for parking, $175 for gas....  I'm generally a very happy person, until you get money involved. Things are just so expensive these days. I know I tend to talk about money a lot on here, but that just seems to be the biggest problem in my life right now. Actually, I think its the ONLY problem. Everything else is perfect. Ok, almost everything else.
Update on my 'diet.' Yeah, last night I made tacos. I had them on a plate and I very well could have eaten them with a fork, but it would have been a little messy. I guess they don't count as diet food. haha I did bring a salad today for lunch. A gold star for me! Yesterday I had soup for lunch-another gold star! Can't think of what I made for dinner on Tuesday or what I had for lunch. OH, stroganoff for dinner (gold star) and something.... I don't know what...for lunch. So I'm doing ok I guess. I could be doing better with my "food needs to be on a plate and eaten with utensils" diet. Been climbing the stairs a lot too. Every time I go to the restroom, I climb the stairs since they are right there. The first time I went to the 11th floor (I always start out on 3) then went all the way down to 1 and back up to 3. The second time I just went up to 10 and back down to 3. Next time I'll probably do the same. I can now make it to 10 without having to stop and stretch my legs out or take a breather, so that's pretty awesome.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Its raining, Its pouring

I read a really inspiring story today from a ninth grader named Arvind. Go here to read it.
The rain here has been crazy. All it does is rain anymore. Where is my sunshine? Yesterday on my way home, the sky was black, so black it looked like night time. Then, big rain drops started to fall and they were pounding really hard on my windshield. I also saw a ton of lighning, striking right beside the road. It was so awesome. Part of me wanted to pull over just to watch the lightning. I love watching lightning and it was just so close. Its suppose to storm again today.
Yesterday was ok. I was tired, but tried to keep myself moving. I climbed the stairs twice and finished some filing. I can't believe that its only Wednesday.
I'm going to keep this one short.
I went to Walmart last night, by myself, at 9:00 at night. I really needed to go by myself so I could think and not get frazzled. I also liked that there wasn't that many people there shopping and I could whip in and out of isles like I owned the place. I waited until Lilly was in bed and Zach was asleep and I told hubby was I leaving. He was kinda surprised. I was too, actually. I didn't think I'd have the energy to go. I bought $298 worth of stuff, but I had coupons, so I paid $262. ( Had to use my Wal Mart Discover card) I even found a way to bypass my coffee situation here at work. I bought some Maxwell House International coffee that all I have to do is put a couple spoonfulls in boiling water and I have my coffee. I even splurged and bought French Vanilla and Suisse Mocha. I'm drinking the Mocha right now and I gotta say...its pretty awesome. Its also nice cuz I hardly ever buy stuff for just me.
I found a shirt that I just HAD to get for my little brother, Tony. Its black (he only wears black) and it says, "Have you seen my zombie?" He's really into zombies and all that. (Oh, and in case you didn't know, its Zombie Appreciation Month. I don't really get it either, but whatever) And when you flip the bottom of it over your head, your face is a zombie. They printed a zombie face on the inside of the shirt so when you flip if over your head the face is over your face. I wonder if it glows in the dark. Hmmm..... I'll have to check that one out. Bought Lilly a bathing suit too. Its pretty. Its got peace signs on it and if I remember right, its green. I almost bought her 2, but we need to see if the one from last year fits before I go get another. We need one for the Y and one for home. The Y lost hers last year. They also lost her beach towel, but after me complaining so much about them losing stuff they finally handed over her towel. I think another parent took her bathing suit home. The staff at the Y just put everything into a big pile and it was basically a free for all. I was usually one of the last parents to show up, so the pile was always small... and Lilly's stuff missing.
Anywho, I'm kinda tired, but not as much as yesterday even though I was out shopping late and didn't get to bed 'til midnight. Zach got up to eat twice last night and once he even tricked me. I thought he was waking up, I made a bottle, and he went back to sleep. So I put the bottle in the fridge and climbed back in bed. He woke up later to eat the bottle. He's wearing his cute blue and white plaid romper that says "Yacht Club" on the back of it and a matching hat. I love that outfit, but today is the last day he's gonna get to wear it. Its getting too small. He's growing so fast.
I was trying to feed him his sweet potatoes last night and I dropped the bowl all over me. I had orange pants instead of black. He likes sweet potatoes though. So far he just doesn't like green beans, but next week is peas. So far he likes all the orange food. I'm not going to give him any fruit for a couple more months. Get him in the habit of eating his veggies.
I also took a peek at some of the blu ray players last night at Walmart. I know they have the one I want, but it may just be available online cuz I couldn't find it anywhere in the store. I want to get hubby a blu ray/vhs combo for his birthday. I only have a couple weeks left. Crap!! I forgot to look for the hand print stone things there. I was going to go ahead and get it if they had it. Oh, well. I know K-Mart carries it and its for Father's Day so I have a few weeks.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My list

Lilly's game went great yesterday. She was awesome!! She got out in front of that ball and stopped it, she threw the ball like she meant it and she hit it like she was mad at it. She did this one play-the little boy hit the ball right to Lilly, it was a grounder, she caught it and threw it right to first base. The little girl on first base, Chloe caught the ball and touched the base before the boy got there! I was so proud. Lilly moved so fast, she knew exactly what to do, she was paying attention and she threw that ball right to Chloe. It was perfect. Here's some pics of her warming up. I couldn't get any good ones on my phone while she was playing, my zoom doesn't zoom very far. She doesn't have anther game until next Wednesday.

My 'diet' has gone completely off track, but I'm jumping back on. I gained a couple pounds over the weekend. Hubby and Lilly bought me and his mom a giant cookie I ate basically half of it by myself. I LOVE cookie cakes, and so do my hips unfortunately. I'm back to climbing the stairs during my lunch hour and only eating with utensils.....but for how long. I'm going to really try to stick with this. I think that I'm going to do my horrible diet the week Lilly is with her father this summer. I eat nothing but fresh, raw veggies and fruit. No meat, no dairy, nothing cooked or steamed. I haven't done this since last year. Every time I do it, I do it for about a week and lose about 10 pounds. My body reacts horrible to this diet and its probably not very healthy for someone that's not use to eating that way, but I've been doing it about twice a year for 3 years now. The weight I lose usually stays off, unless, ya know, I get pregnant like I did last time. I told hubby last night that we need to have another kid just to make the world a prettier place. He quickly gave me weird look.
A few years ago I started this list of 25 things I wanted to do before I turned 25. Here are the things. The underlined ones are the ones I have already done.
*Buy a house
*Empty storage building and have a yard sale
*Organize pictures into photo albums
*Lose 30 pounds
*Get a new hairdo (I've had the same one since elementary school)
*Go to a comedy show
*Get new shoes
*Save $5,000
*Fix my car completely
*Do something new as a family
*Go to a concert of one of my favorite bands/signers (I've done this back in the day when I was younger, but I haven't done this recently)
*Ride in a boat (again something I did in the past, but would like to do again soon)
*Go somewhere I've never been
*Have a baby
*Get great at my job
*Take up a new hobby
*Cook Thanksgiving dinner (Can't do this one before I turn 25 seeing as how my bday is next month)
*Make a gourmet meal
*Drink a fancy wine
*Ride a horse
*Go to WWE event
*Finish writing my book (I'm a long way away from accomplishing this one)
*Read 10 best seller books (I only started counting when I made this list. Past books didn't count)
*Meet someone famous
*Be more social
8 out of 25 so far. Being more social- I kind of am, but I'm not at the point yet where I can mark it off my list. I've also been working on my list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. I will share those on or around my bday. Some of my things from this list are on that list. I also have a lifetime list. Some of the things on that one are-learn to drive a stick shift, learn Italian, relearn French, go to Italy, go to the beach, buy a house, get to pre-Lilly weight.... There's a few more and I'm pretty set on getting that list done. There are several places that I would like to visit, even here in the US, but I figured it would be a nice thing to do for hubby once we are retired. He's got some Italian in him, I don't know which side of his family is. Both his parents LOOK Italian, but I don't know.
Looks like I'm down to one cup of coffee a day now. No one is allowed to use the kitchen here at work that has the coffee pot in it. A lot of people already had their own coffee pot by their desk. I don't own a little one to bring to work. Might be something I put on my bday list. No one really knows why we can't use that kitchen anymore. There was some mumbo jumbo about interrupting meetings with clients and whatnot, but those meetings are held behind closed doors away from the kitchen and I'm here making coffee before ANYONE is here anyway, so I don't see the big deal. It gave me an excuse to get out my coffee pot at home. I got it as a wedding present, but I've only used it maybe 10 times. I don't drink coffee on the weekends unless I crave it. So I got it out, dusted it off and made my coffee this morning, but its already cold. How can I continue the day without my coffee. I didn't drink coffee while I was pregnant, but I was getting sleep back then. No sleep=needs coffee. I can't afford to go out and buy it everyday. I'll just have to get my own little coffee maker and put it in my office right beside my Sentsy warmer.

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Day After

Saturday we went to see my grandma. We only stayed for about 45 mins, but in that short time I already had a headache. Then we went to visit mom. She wanted to go find some yard sales, so we drove around. Zach got fussy. He hates being in his car seat and I told her that, but she still wanted to go. He screamed and cried, I got aggravated. On our way back to drop mom off at her car, we stopped at a playground to let Lilly play and I fed Zach a bottle. We dropped off mom and went to see my second ex step dad. Two of my younger brothers were there. I haven't seen my youngest brother since February. My step dad held Zach for the first time. He wouldn't hold him while he was tiny, but he's a big boy now. I even weighed him on Saturday. 15.6 pounds and only 15 weeks old. So then we were getting ready to leave, as soon as I put Zach in his car seat he started screaming. I felt bad for him cuz he's been in that thing almost all day. He screamed for about 10 minutes and fell asleep. I called hubby to tell him we were on our way home. Lilly was asleep too. About 5 minutes after Zach fell asleep he started coughing and woke himself up....and he started screaming.... the rest of the way home....about 30 minutes. He didn't want his bottle, or a paci, or to play, or anything. I even pulled over and got him out of his car seat for a while and gave him gas drops, but he still screamed. We finally made it home and he stopped.
Sunday, Zach got me up at 5:00. He wasn't hungry, he just was ready to wake up. Lilly got up at 7:30, as soon as I got Zach to take a nap and was planning on taking one myself. I made her breakfast and she wanted to give me her Mother's Day stuff she made at school. Oh, on Friday she gave me a Marigold. So she hands me this white bag that she drew on, which is pretty. Inside is this house she colored and if you open the door there's a picture of her. There was also another picture of her in a frame that she decorated. I got her hand prints and a list of things she said she was going to help me with on Mother's Day. 1-Help mom feed Zach. 2-Help cook. 3-Help Clean. There was a paper with a sentence at the top "When my mom smiles I" and she had to finish it and she said, "am nice and not mean." Then there was this certificate thing that said something along the lines of -this certifies that this is the best mom because- and she had to finish the sentence and she said, "She gives me any food that I want to eat." That made me laugh. 9:00 we went to wake hubby up and Lilly gave me what she bought when he took her out on Friday. She got me a singing card and a picture frame. The plan was to put a picture of me and the kids in there, but one doesn't exist, so I just got the frame. I told them that we'll get a picture soon and put in there.
We then go to hubby's mom's house and cook out on the grill. It was an ok day. All I really wanted was rest, but I got the opposite. I am so exhausted today. My weekend was busy. My body actually hurts today from lack of sleep. I got to spend the day with my kids and that's all that matters. I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day and you visited/called your mom if you could.
Oh, something that made me smile brother, Chris texted me Happy Mother's Day! That was pretty awesome!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Mother's Day just days away

Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there and to everyone's mom too! Day care gave me some flowers in a pot. They drew flowers on the pot, too, with Zach's fingers as the petals. Its cute and its on proudly displayed on my desk for all to see.
Just this morning, I made cards for my step dad's birthday and mother's day cards for my mom, both my grandmas and hubby's mom. I put a picture of the kids on the front and instead of signing their names, I'm going to have them put their hand print inside. I don't know if I have any paint at the house. I might go out at lunch and see if I can find any at the mall.
Lilly's game went great. She did really well, I was so proud. Hubby's mom finally got to come to see Lilly play, but hubby missed this one...he had a meeting. Her father, his girlfriend and their kid came. They always come. I do wish they'd go stand on the other side or something. They are just so loud and distracting and they don't even watch the game, or Lilly. Zach was good, until it was time to leave. It got cold outside and he was all cuddled up against maw maw in his jacket and wrapped in a blanket and when we put him down in his cold car seat, he started screaming.
Today is 50's day at school for Lilly and she looks so cute. She's got on her black skirt with a pink poodle on it, a white t-shirt, a black and purple checkered scarf. They are dancing at 9:00. I couldn't go watch. Maybe next time.
Tomorrow, we venture out to see my mom and grandma's. I'm going with both kids, by myself. Its over an hour long drive to get to my mom's mom's house. I don't think I'll be driving to my mom's house. I'll tell her to meet me at Maw's. Mom lives on the same road as grandma, but half an hour past... on the gravel, then the dirt, up a big hill, over a rickety wooden bridge, up another dirt road/hill... I don't really want to make that drive with Zach just yet. There's no where to pull over if he needs something. I don't know yet. Also going to visit my step-dad. Ok, my second ex step dad. His birthday is today. He's 45 today.
My bff is also coming in today, but I can't figure out when I'm going to have time to see her. She won't get in until about 7 or so tonight, tomorrow my day is full from the time we wake up 'til way past Lilly's bedtime and Sunday I'm going to be busy also. I haven't seen her since February and that was only for 5 minutes. I mostly wanted her to see Zach and she did. I just wish there was more time. If she would have come in last night or even this morning, we could have spent today together. I could have taken the day off to hang out. My boss would understand. As a matter of fact, my boss took today off to go visit her mom. I'm sure a lot of people in my office are taking the day off. Today was the day that I was suppose to be able to try to reapply for a loan for a house, but this week has been so rushed, I haven't even had time to get the information together. I'm going to try to do it tonight and apply on Monday. It'll be the best Mother's Day gift if we do get approved...and then get a house by our anniversary...oh, that would be awesome! Cross your fingers for me!!!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo. I don't think I have anything planned for today for Cinco de Mayo.... I don't think I need to. I know a lot of people are going to go out and have Mexican tonight and drink a little....
So...Zach has found his thumb. I don't know if I've mentioned that or not. Its so cute. He'll plop that thumb in his mouth, but he doesn't close his other fingers into a fist yet and he pokes himself in the eyes and pushes down on his nose so he can't breathe. He found his thumb the day before Easter, so that's what he did all day on Easter and its what he does all day now. Its funny sometimes. We'll put the paci in his mouth and he'll slowly reach up there, grab it with this thumb and fore-finger and pull it out then quickly shove his thumb in there. Sometimes he goes a little crazy and makes weird noises and shakes his head. This is the best pic I have so far.
I'm losing my hair!!!! My hair was great when I was pregnant, but the first time I brushed it after delivery it looked like someone seriously went in and chopped all my hair off. My bed was covered. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. You can't really tell by looking at me, but my hair is falling out. I knew it would get thinner after birth, but seriously??!! Every time I brush my hair, my brush is full. All throughout the day, I notice more and more hair just randomly falling out. I mean, yeah... I guess I lost the normal amount of hair before I got pregnant. I know people lose hair all day long, yadda yadda, but this is way more than I have ever lost in a day and it just continues every day. Its crazy. When it become noticeable, there's gonna be some screaming. Right now I'll just deal with it and say its normal. Hey, maybe its stress related. Who knows.
Lilly has a game today and the weather is suppose to be ok. She's only been able to have 2 games. Ok, the team has had 3 out of 7, but Lilly missed one cuz she was on spring break with her father.
Yesterday was kind of bland. I didn't do much. I didn't say much. I just sorta kept to myself at work. I just feel kinda down lately. Tired, rundown, blah, blah, blah.... but it'll pass, it always does. I'm always in such a good mood in the mornings, but as the day progresses, my mood changes. I think, that for my own Mother's Day gift to myself, I'm going to take the Monday after Mother's Day off...just to rest and/or get the apartment clean. We'll see. I doubt I will, but its a thought.
Zach hardly slept last night. It was crazy. 11:00, eat. 1:00, cry. 1:45, eat. 2:30, cry. 3:00, cry. 4:15, eat. 5:00, cough, cough, cough, sneeze, cry. 5:30, burp, cry. 6:00, cry until he found his thumb. So..yeah..I'm tired.
Lilly is going to be super helper today at school. Its where she gets to help out the teacher and always be first in line and all that stuff. She just HAD to make sure that she wore her Justin Bieber shirt today. Tomorrow is 50's day. Hubby's mom has a cute little poodle skirt for her and she'll wear just a plain white shirt or something. I wonder if I still have my poodle skirt. I had to wear one for a play or whatever it was at church back when I was 12. If I remember right, it was green. Anyway, for 50's day they let the kids go into the gym and dance for half an hour. I don't know what else they do. This summer at the Y they are having a flashback week. Monday will be 50's, Tuesday 60's and so on, so that'll be fun. Every week at the Y has a theme and they go on great field trips.
Summer is only a month and a half away and when I looked at my car this morning, it had frost on it!!! Come on, now! Are you serious with this stuff. Just last week, we were up in the high 80's and now we have frost??!!
Still job searching. Told hubby to look for me and he asked me if it was really that bad. Yes...yes it is.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Have you bought your book yet?

Finally got to watch the Today Show with Neil on it. I had to watch it online this morning cuz I didn't have any time yesterday to sit and watch any tv.
Lilly was suppose to have a game, but it rained. No one ever called me to cancel, but I wasn't going to let my 6 year old play in the rain and the cold. I hope they didn't go ahead and have the game. I'd feel bad for all the little kids who went.
Let's see how my 'diet' went yesterday.... for lunch I had a sandwich~strike one. When I got home I had a piece of candy~ strike two. For dinner I made enchiladas, which I put on a plate and ate with a fork. Funny how I came about to make dinner. I didn't have any clean pots and nothing was thawed. I didn't even have time to stand there and wash dishes last night. I just don't know where the time goes these days. I even missed out on giving Zach a bath last night. Before I knew it he was sleeping. I guess missing one day won't hurt anything. I just really like that clean baby smell. So, I was searching the freezer for what would thaw the quickest that wouldn't require any pots. I thought about jambalaya, but I didn't have all the right stuff and we had rice the night before anyway. I thought about tacos, but we didn't have any lettuce or tomatoes. I looked anyway to see if we had any taco seasoning and I found enchilada seasoning. Hmm.... I didn't have any ground burger, so I used ground deer even though we had deer the night before. I used 2 different sized shells, quickly washed out one pot for the sauce. Thankfully I did have some tomato sauce. That's what Lilly eats on her spaghetti, so I always try to keep it in stock. It took me quite a while to make them, but I managed and it turned out really good. (dinner being better than you expected...AWESOME) I was surprised. I really need to wash dishes tonight, I have let it go for 3 days now. I just don't understand where all the time goes........
Zach has this new cry. Its worse than his 'I'm in pain' cry. He screams and then in the middle of the scream, he screams even louder. Imagine how you would imagine it 10 times louder... that's Zach. He's only done this twice, so I'm not sure what's wrong. He'll do it for about 15 minutes and then he'll just stop. I've checked everything. I check his diaper, I give him Mylicon drops, I make sure the tape on his diaper isn't poking him, I check all his limbs to make sure they aren't bent the wrong way, I look in his mouth, I feel him to see if he's hot, he just ate so he's not hungry, he won't take a paci. We try rocking him, singing to him, pacing, toys, everything.... and he just screams. Then, out of the blue, he's done. I have no idea.
I'm still trying to figure out what kind of job I would like to have. I can't think of anything. I don't really want an office job. I don't know. Anyone have any suggestions? I open to suggestions. I don't want to work with food, I need a job that pays at least what I make no minimum wage jobs or the mall or anything like that. I do like working with the public. I like working with my hands. I like moving around and being on my feet. It has to be a first shift job also. I can't go working evenings or midnights with the kids. I do miss my job at the Toyota plant. That job was fun, but it took time away from my family and my family is more important. Anyone have anything? I don't have a degree in anything. I will, one day, return to school and get something. I was going to college to become a high school Science teacher....kinda sad I missed out on that, but I'm happy for my reasons that I did. I was thinking about maybe going back and getting some kind of art degree.... or try to pursue my love of science. Anywho.........
If you haven't seen Neil Pasricha on the Today show yet, head over to their site and check it out. He's so smiley through the whole thing and its way better than the first time I saw him on tv. I forget which show it was but they wouldn't let him get a word in. What are you waiting for? Go. And if you haven't bought the Book of Even More Awesome, I highly suggest that you do. It is very awesome.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


My little man is on 1000 awesome things. Took me half an hour to get the picture.
So, I finally received my much awaited Book of (Even More) Awesome and I couldn't be happier. I flipped through it last night and loved it. I even noticed a special something in the back. I have plans to go get more books of this one and the first one and tab some pages that I think my brothers would like and could really relate too. They are in need of a good pick me up and I believe these books will do the trick.
Ok, so my diet...... its not working. I'm too on the go to take the time out to sit and eat with utensils and a plate. I did cook last night, but I hate the deer steak while feeding Zach. I just poked it with a fork and started munching...I used a fork, it counts right? And then I put the rice on some bread and had a rice samich while playing with Lilly. I'm gonna try harder today.
Gas prices are up to $4.29 a gallon here. Luckily I have a full tank of gas.
Lilly's outfit yesterday... well, she liked it until she got home and took off those huge shoes. They were the shoes that went halfway up her leg, and her legs were black. She started freaking out. It was kinda funny. Needless to say, this is one outfit that I will not be sending her back to her father in. She will not be wearing this to school, unless of course I don't know about it. I should have taken a picture of her and her black legs. She said, "Did my shoes bruise my legs? They look like bruises!" I told her it was just the coloring in the fabric that rubbed off on her. "Is it ever going to come off?!!" I had to laugh a little.
Lilly has a ball game tonight, and its suppose to rain. It'll probably get canceled. I've been trying to get a picture of her on my phone during a game, but the zoom on my phone isn't all that great and she looks so tiny.
Signing Lilly up for day camp at the Y today. Its $225 just to register her! How crazy is that? They have a lot of great things planned this summer for the kids. Taking them to the bowling alley, skating rink, petting zoo, pool, to some caves, out to eat, and having a carnival. The very last day they have a food fight. Lilly has already said that she will not be in the food fight. She will watch, but won't participate. Last year a few of the kids got sick and threw up. I guess its really gross.
Oh, I stopped by the book store in the mall to take a quick peek at the Book of Even More Awesome yesterday, but they didn't have it. I was very disappointed. Why?! Why don't they have it?? I couldn't even find the first Book of Awesome there either. What's the deal? I'm going to have to file a formal complaint or something.
Zach has been doing great eating baby food and being spoon fed. He loved his carrots last week, but this week, we started on green beans.
And here's just a really cute picture I took of him right before bathtime. He is almost always smiling these days, I love it!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Happy May!!!

My Book of (Even More) Awesome is suppose to be in my mailbox today when I get home!! How exciting is that??!!!!
Got a picture text from hubby's mom today showing me what Lilly wore to school... what her father put her in. Yeah..its really not school appropriate. I guess its ok for playing dress up or even going out to the store, maybe...but not school. She's wearing this pink leopard print long shirt with a tiny purple shirt over it. Big poofy, lacy, black skirt and shoes that go halfway up her legs. One~ don't put her in a skirt to play in at school. Two~ the weather isn't going to be very warm and its going to rain like crazy today. Sometimes I would just love to slap some sense into him. Yea, its a cute outfit, but its not for school. Ten bucks says that outfit isn't even hers, its her sisters.
Went to see my dad on Saturday. My step mom hasn't seen Zach since we were in the hospital, I think. Two of my brothers was there. They didn't say much. I tried to coax a conversation out of both of them, but I failed. One brother is very depressed. He was the main reason I went down there. I wanted to try to get him to talk to me without him knowing that I'm trying. I want him to want to talk to me. He's been going downhill for quite some time now. He opened up to my oldest brother. I think he was trying to open up to me on Easter, but I didn't pay any attention and was preoccupied with the kids. I feel bad now for not taking the time out to listen. I want to do something special for him. Staying at Dad's isn't helping. There's nothing to do there. All they all ever do is sit and watch tv. I need to get him and my other brother out of the house every once in a while and do something special with them. I don't really know what. The brother with the deep depression has a phobia of being around a lot of people. I don't know if its just a phobia if he's by himself or if its all the time. I need to be there for him. I need to find a way to help.
Ok, I didn't report on how my first day on the new diet went, so I'll do it now. Its harder than I thought it was going to be. Especially right after Easter when there's a bunch of candy in the house. So, yeah, I cheated. I ate candy. I ate pizza. The pizza was a late night dinner. It was Saturday after we came home from Dad's, Zach was super whiney and crying and I couldn't get in the kitchen to actually cook, so around 10 pm, I gave in and made a pizza. Friday, we had Chinese, (I also had Japanese for lunch) but I did put it on a plate...and ate with chopsticks. Cereal for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I made pork chops on the George Foreman grill. Very yummy. I did have a boiled egg for breakfast this morning. I just don't see how that could be worse than cereal. And I need to eat up all the Easter eggs or they will go bad. They probably are already bad. If I get sick today, we all know why. So, today I have planned to eat my yogurt here in about an hour and then around 1:00 I'll have some Progesso Light chicken vegetable rotini soup. Tonight I'm frying up some deer meat and onions. Fork and spoon!! Its harder than I originally thought it was going to be. I didn't realize how many things I ate with my hands. No more sandwiches, no Subway, no tacos, pizza is out....its crazy. I was beginning to be a big fan of Subway. I was eating there about once a week. I guess if I go, I gotta get the salad. Oh, Thursday for lunch I had a small chili and a baked potato from Wendy's. Its hard and its going to take some getting use to and way more self control.
I think I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to work here. I know they are trying to improve me and train me to take over, but I really don't want to. This isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. This isn't what I want to do now. I want a better job. I want a physical job. I hate sitting at a desk all day. I hate not being physically busy. This is how I gained all this weight. I've gained 25 pounds since I started working here, and that was before the baby. This is my first 'sit down' job and I really hate it. I was born to move around. I was made to work. I was raised to work in a blue collar job. I need to get out of these computer chairs, flourescent lighting, confined inside jobs. **sigh** but I'm too much of a wuss to leave. I know my boss depends on me and honestly, I'm scared to leave. What if the next job doesn't work out? What if they go under? I'm not a fan of the 'what if' world. I took a risk a while back and it nearly broke me. I have no money to be risky now. I need to be financially stable. I need to know that my next job will be better and I will be safe, no chance of unemployment. I have that stability here. I know they won't let me go. I know I have a job to come to everyday, the pay could be much better, but I have a job. I hate my job and think I was made to do better things. I guess I'll just have a look around and see what's out there. I'm just not sure what to look for.
I should be able to try again for a house loan this week. I'm going to try on Friday. That gives me enough time to get all of our stuff together and its the only day that I really don't have anything to do here at work. I'll just hop downstairs and have a chat with the mortgage lady. Hopefully she'll give us the green flag. Our apartment is getting smaller and smaller everyday. I would love to have a bigger kitchen, two bathrooms so no one is doing the potty dance, separate bedrooms for obvious reasons, and a yard for the kids to play. We have none of that now. Zach is in the living room, Lilly is in our room, we have no yard, we have our stuff piled up everywhere cuz there's just no room to put any of it away and out of sight. I hate our kitchen, I have no space to do anything. I hate climbing those 30 stairs everyday with a baby in my arms. I hate the fact that Lilly doesn't have much room outside to play. I hate that I can't get her a swing set or a pool or have a place for her to ride her bike. We need out of there and we need out SOON!