Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Randomness

We are having a potluck lunch today and a gift exchange at work... so today is going to be pretty laid back. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having nightmares and I felt sick too. I have a sore throat this morning, I hope its nothing. I ran out of medicine on Sunday and forgot to order it... so I went without last night. I feel ok today. One day without won't kill me or make me crazy, right? I just don't think I can get any more until Friday when I get paid. I don't know if I should go that long without it. Hopefully with it being Christmas time, my spirits will be up and I won't come crashing down.
Last night, as I lay there not sleeping, I kept thinking of all my favorite movies. I thought I'd share them on here since they seemed to be on my mind. Here they are in no particular order with the exception of Wizard of Oz, which of course if my all time #1
Wizard of Oz
Now and Then
Remember the Titans
Saving Private Ryan
Forrest Gump
Gone With the Wind
Shawshank Redemption
Schindler's List
Chicago
The Princess Bride
The Notebook
A League of Their Own
... and I think I'm about to add the Hunger Games movies in the mix too. I love the movies so far, and the books were great, but I'm not sure if they are quite worthy of being on my list just yet.
 
Today Lilly is having a Winter Wonderland workshop at school where the kids get to go and buy some stuff and it helps benefit the PTO. I gave her $6 and everything there is $2, so she'll get to buy for 3 people. Last year she gave me a little ceramic flamingo that hangs on the wall, Zach got a glass votive candle holder, hubby got a 3 piece glass bowl set with flowers on them, mother in law got a Santa mug and father in law got Santa kitchen towels. She was so excited about the gifts. This year she's only getting me, hubby and Zach something. I told her she didn't have to get me anything, but she is. I remember doing these things when I was little. Mom never gave me any money to buy anything. One year I stole 50 cents from her and ended up buying my step dad (at the time) a mini screwdriver. Kids really like doing this kind of thing. It makes them proud to be able to pick something out themselves.
Tomorrow, Lilly gets to wear her PJ's to school. They are going to watch the Polar Express and have hot cocoa. Zach is having his Christmas party tomorrow too. I'm leaving work early for that.
Yesterday I send my big boss an email asking for a promotion/raise. I'm nervous about his answer. I haven't heard back from him yet, but saw that he did forward my email... no idea to who, but he did. I guess that's a sign of progress. I'm in desperate need of a raise. I'm so far in the hole, I've been having problems getting out. Hubby found out just how bad it is the other day and I got yelled at. I can't help it. Day care costs went up, my pay did not. The satellite bill went up, my pay did not. I'm trying. I really am. And with Christmas its just been even harder. Crossing my fingers for that raise!!

Monday, December 16, 2013

100 Thing You May Not Know About Me

2 posts in one day... I'm on a roll

1- I've never been to a beach
2- I'm afraid of deep water
3- I don't make friends ...easily. I tend to keep my distance from people
4- I love to cook but sometimes I'm really bad at it
5- I hate to clean. I do the bare minimum.
6- I cannot sleep with socks on
7- I've never been on an airplane
8- I've been in 2 bad car wrecks that have totaled my car. Both of them in a Ford
9- my favorite sounds are- newborn babies crying and locusts.
10- I quit eating fish when I was 12 up until just a couple months ago.
11- I can't wear high heels. My feet are too wide and just weren't meant to be in them
12- I absolutely love Christmas. I start planning and buying months before
13- I've moved about 20 times and have been in 5 different school districts
14- if I won the lottery, id probably end up giving most of it away
15- I haven't played the flute in nearly 15 years but believe I could still do it
16- I'm in denial about how old I really am
17- anytime I have extra money, I spend it on the kids even if they don't need anything
18- almost every night I have a very vivid, very terrifying, very memorable nightmare
19- one of my biggest fears is having a heart attack
20- I hate having my picture taken. It makes me really see just how much weight I've gained instead of imagining that I'm still the skinny girl I was in high school
21- I love to read but need to take a break between books unless it's a series
22- I love scary movies but find most of them to be corny
23- my dream is to run a marathon
24- I wish I saw my family more
25- I hate folding clothes
26- i still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up
27- I love the feeling of a baby sleeping on my chest.
28- I don't like to talk about just how much my kids have grown
29- I hate that I've lost touch with a lot of great people
30- i don't mind making a fool of myself, I don't easily get embarrassed
31- seeing a wiggly tooth makes me nauseous.
32- my favorite color is purple, but my favorite crayon is orange
33- I love rice!
34- I'm addicted to Chapstick
35- I've run 4 5k's so far
36- the first time I rode a roller coaster was on my honey moon
37- I like to hunt but haven't been in years
38- I cry very easily
39- I don't know how to drive a stick shift
40- I hate shopping for myself
41- I can fall asleep at any time of the day in just about any position.
42- I don't have to wear glasses anymore even though I've had them since I was 5
43- my first pet was a Beagle named Dan
44- I like to talk in a Brittish accent
45- I cannot keep a house plant alive
46-I love to watch game shows. Especially the old ones
47- I didn't go to my senior prom
48- I didn't get my drivers license until I was 18
49- I've had 5 different jobs
50- my first crush was on Mikey, the orange teenage mutant ninja turtle
51- my first car was a '91 gray Dodge Dynasty
52- When I was little I accidentally killed my pet duck by feeding it a crawdad with the pincers still on
53- a bat flew in my hair when I was 15 and riding my bike at night
54- favorite all time movie is Wizard of Oz
55- My favorite actresses are Jennifer Lawrence and Natalie Portman
56- favorite actor is Morgan Freeman
57- least favorite actor is Nicholas Cage
58- in high school I was into Egypt and mummies
59- I originally went to college to be a high school science teacher
60- I hate the taste of beer
61- I've been smoke free for almost 4 years
62- I've had the same hair style since I can remember
63- I've never broken a bone
64- I used to paint, write poetry and even started a book
65- I love taking pictures
66- my favorite toy when I was little was a stuffed orange cat that I named Orange
67- the carpet in my first bedroom was yellow
68- I've been to Canada once back in high school
69- I have no desire to go to Hawaii but would love to go to Alaska
70- I got my belly button pierced at 16 but had to take it out at 18 because my pregnant belly got way too big and it looked like the ring was going to pop out
71- I have one tattoo- a big blue Lily flower on my right ankle
72- I had a lisp up until the 2nd grade when I taught myself how to talk normal.
73- my favorite flowers are lilies
74- I lived with my grandparents during the first few months of my first pregnancy
75- I have 6 brothers with 2 of them being half brothers and one being a step brother
76- I took up running this year
77- i saved one of my younger brothers from drowning once when I was 10
78- I am fascinated by space and can spend forever just staring at the stars
79- swinging sometimes makes me nauseous
80- I have scar on my left knee from when one of my brothers threw a cat at me
81- my front left tooth is slightly chipped from when the same brother threw a metal pipe at me
82- I have scar on my left forearm from where my oldest brother burned me with a piece of wood that he just sawed in half
83- I've had 7 stitches in my head
84- I wore a heart monitor in high school for a while due to panic attacks
85- I have bunions on both feet and have since I can remember. Born with them?
86- anytime I smell veggie soup cooking, it reminds me of grandma Lesher's house
87- I have a psycho ex bf that I'm still scared to death that I'm going to see out in public and we broke up 10 years ago
88- I love driving when it's dark
89- I feel awkward in crowds but don't mind public speaking
90- I can't do small talk
91- one day I will go back to school for a college degree
92- I like to add hot sauce or ranch dressing in just about everything
93- there's not much food that I don't like
94- I have 2 kids but they aren't the first kids I've raised
95- my world revolves around my kids
96- I'd love to have a more meaningful job
97- i have a permanent callous on my right middle finger from where I used to write so much
98- growing up, I'd always pick a GI Joe to play with over a Barbie
99- I spent most of my high school years without running water
100- my lifetime goal is to see the 7 wonders of the world

Keeping Up Wtih it Now

Ok, I know its been forever, but I'm seriously going to try to keep this thing up to date now. Seriously. I mean it this time. Didn't I say that last time? Well... I really mean it. I hate that I haven't written in so long. So much stuff has happened. SO MUCH.
It seems that ever since I've been on this medication, I just can't seem to get my thoughts together enough to write on here. I'm going to try from now on. I have to learn to keep my head straight.
Weight loss is still at a stand still... well, actually, I've gained some weight back. I've gotten lazy. I vowed last night that I was going to start anew and make this happen. I have so much further to go and I'm not going to ruin how far I've come.
I don't really remember what all I have written about. I know its been a while, but I don't know how far I should go back.
My bff had her baby, beautiful baby girl with a head full of hair. She's about 2 1/2 months old now. I've actually been trying to hang out with CJ a lot more lately. I really need her in my life and I haven't realized it.
I ran the a zombie 5k back in October. It was lots of fun. Not my best time, but I had a blast.
My grandpa had surgery, but it all went fine. He is cancer free.
I came so close to kicking out hubby in October because he was so close to cheating on me. I told him this is his last chance and he will not get anymore. I'm too forgiving, I think.
The kids had fun trick-or-treating. Zach was Spongebob and Lilly was a Monster High doll. They got tons of candy.
I have a bit of my basement cleaned out now. I gave 2 car loads of stuff to one of my cousins. She was worried about providing Christmas for her 6 kids, so I gave her stuff. I'm also giving a lot more stuff away for Christmas. Saved me some money.
I didn't get to go Black Friday shopping this year because I had to work, but a lot of places started their sales Thursday evening, so I went out then. I got just about everything I wanted to get and got in bed around midnight. My brother Tony and his fiancé watched Zach for me and we spent the night there. Zach loves Tony, he calls him his Pony. So cute
Saturday was the fire fighter Christmas dinner. Zach was dressed all snazzy in a suit and was so excited to see Santa. Lilly didn't go this year. She kind of chose not to. I hope she's not starting to not believe.
I am done Christmas shopping and halfway done wrapping gifts. The kids aren't getting as much from me as they did last year, but I did overdo it last year. There was so many things that they didn't even bother with. Sometimes its hard for me to remember that they are getting other things from other people.
I get to spend Christmas with my mom's side of the family this year. I haven't done that in years. Hubby is working until that evening, so I'm going to see mom and family, then go to see dad and family then its off to the inlaws. We will be celebrating at my house the day after Christmas.
Lilly is getting just about everything on her list. Her big things were a cell phone and a trampoline. We got her a trampoline and she's getting a tablet. Zach won't understand the trampoline until its out of the box and set up... which isn't going to happen until the spring.
What else? I'm sure I'm missing plenty.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

POST!!

I really like to type. Is that weird? I like the sound the keys make when I'm clicking away.
 
A lot has happened since I last posted that I don't even know where to start. I've been so busy lately that its hard for me to find time to post anymore. Work has picked up, Lilly's doing fall ball, hubby has a new job with a new schedule, I'm going walking on my lunch breaks at work and climbing the stairs in my spare time. Life and stuff, right?
Ball is going great. Lilly plays mostly first and third base and she's very happy about it. They've only lost 2 games so far.
Zach is Zach. Still running around like crazy.
Hubby's new job requires him to work shift work so there's some days that we don't even see him. He's been on night shift the past couple of days. Its ok. The only problem I really have is what I'm making for dinner since he's not home.
My second colorful 5k is coming up this Saturday and I haven't even talked about my last one. I think I'll do a comparison post on the 2 and post some pictures as well.
I'm going to seriously try to find time to keep this blog updated. Its a great way for me to collect my thoughts and have a place to go back and read what's been going on. My medication is helping still and I couldn't be happier.
My bff is due to have her baby girl tomorrow, but she's not showing any signs at all of labor, so she'll probably be induced on Monday.
My grandpa is in the hospital because he was passing blood and having chest pains. He passed blood for an entire week without even mentioning it to my grandma. I'm going to go visit whenever he's out of his colonoscopy.
Weight is at a stand still. I haven't been exercising like I should. At least I'm not gaining weight, right?
Ok...I'll keep trying to update this thing.

EDIT: I wrote this earlier today. I did go see my grandpa. They didn't do his colonoscopy today because the nurse didn't know to give him his meds to start it. It's going to happen tomorrow now. He's doing ok. In good spirits and making jokes. My grandma is a nervous wreck. Now this isn't the same grandpa that was in the hospital earlier this year. This is my other grandpa, my dads dad. 
Just me and Zach tonight. We chased each other through the house, had a tickle fight, cuddled, watched cartoons and I even ordered us pizza. He's finishing up now then it's off to bed. 
I forgot Lilly's lunch box in the fridge this morni g and felt so bad about it. School was having something I knew she wouldn't eat and I forgot. So on my way to daycare to get Zach, I stopped and picked Lilly up a little something to eat and have it to her. I hope it held her off until she got to her fathers house. 
This is hubby's last night shift of the week. He will be off the next couple of days and then back on day shift a couple of days. It's actually quite nice when he's working nights. It's quieter. The kids listen better. I get to watch what I want on tv. When Lilly has a game, there's no hassle to get there and we are on time. I know eventually I'll miss hubby being here at night, but for now I'm kinda enjoying it. 

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I don't know why I keep forgetting about my blogs. I just haven't felt like doing much lately. I have lots of pics to post and a race to talk about. Hopefully I'll get to that soon. I just wanted to leave a short note here so everyone knows I haven't abandoned my blog, I just temporarily forgot about it. 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Look.. I'm stull Updating

Well... apparently the app on my phone messes up some of my pictures. There's one picture that's supposed to be me, Zach and Lilly, but Lilly is cut out of it. I've tried a few more times to get the whole picture to show, but I just can't. Its a really good picture too.
Lilly has ball practice today, so I'm leaving work early and then its a big rush to feed the kids and get Lilly's homework done. And I just really want a nap. That's all. Is that too much to ask? :-)
No, but seriously... I'm so tired. I could sleep all day. Bad thing is that I think my medicine is doing it to me. Fatigue is one of the side effects. I'm always tired, but not like this. I'm just always exhausted now and it seems like I don't ever get enough sleep. No amount of coffee helps either. I need a nap day. I think its about time I schedule me a nap day.
Did I mention that hubby got a new truck. Yep. Hasn't even started on his new job yet and he has a new truck. Oh, and if that thing isn't his baby, I don't know what is. Every little scratch upsets him. The kids had to wipe their shoes off after playing outside before they could get in. Absolutely no eating. He was a little hesitant to even let Zach have his sippy cup in the truck. I swear, boys and their toys. I hope I'm never this crazy about a car. My kids and their messy happiness is way more important to me than any car ever would be. My boss said that her husband is the exact same way. Is it a guy thing? I just don't understand. There's nothing in this world that I'm that crazy about except living, breathing human beings.
Well.. with hubby's new job, hopefully I can go back to school in a couple of years and I think I've decided I want to go back for social work. I love helping people, and what better way? I'd also love to minor in a foreign language. I'd prefer French since that's what I took in high school and I already know some, but I think Spanish would actually be a smarter thing to study since that seems to be the second language of America. I have plenty of time to think about that though.
My race is 3 days away. I'm going to try to get out to run tonight and tomorrow and take a break on Friday before I race on Saturday. I'm so excited and nervous. Past me would never imagine future me to run a race. I love surprising past me. I'm hoping to be able to run the entire 3.1 miles without slowing down, but me not training in the past 2 1/2 weeks will be a bit of a problem with that. I just wish hubby and the kids could come down and cheer me on, but hubby has to work so the kids are going to my in-laws for a bit. I think I'd be happy if I can run a 12 minute mile the entire time. Maybe I should change that to 12.3 minute mile. That extra 30 seconds doesn't seem like much, but it could mean the difference between my knee acting up or being ok. I've been having problems out of my right knee when I run and I ice it every time I'm done. I just don't know what else to do for it. I'll have to research a bit.
Lilly has been slacking off from school. She's forgetting to do homework, forgetting to bring it home, failing vocabulary tests.... I hope my talk with her last night helps.
Almost 11:00 now and I'm going to probably have my lunch here soon since I'm leaving early today. Still wish I could take a nap though.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

More pics!!

Here's a split shot of Zach last year on the 4th of July and this year on the 4th

Zach and Oreo

Me and the kids

Lilly shooting her gun

Lilly on the first day of school. She would not let me get a good picture. 

Here's me and my journey with weight loss. The before pic is me in February and the after us me in July. Same shirt. Same pose. Same mirror. 20 pounds lighter. 

Our first picnic under our apple tree

Zachs in the pool 

Lilly's dunking her head. 

Lilly and her softball trophy for spring ball this year. 

The kids playing in water that's being sorted from a fire truck

Kids and Oreo

Brought Lilly to work with me and set her up a little desk to watch movies. 

Zachs washing my car. 

Lilly and her softball team in the Spring parade. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

Pics

Here's a few pics to start out with..

Here's Lilly accepting an award at school

Lilly got her face painted at the Y

Me and Zach during Mother's Day tea at the Y

Lilly running to home during a ball game
Lilly chilling during a game

Zach climbing a jungle gym before sissy's game

Zach hitting throwing ball and me not paying attention
Zach has a cold


New Post

I haven't written anything for a while... and honestly, I kinda forgot about my blog there for a bit. A lot has been going on and my head has been kinda scattered lately. I'm actually a little sick today, but had to come into work because the other person in my department is on vacation, so I might leave early. Yesterday was kind of a waste, I slept and puked and felt bad, but still played with Zach. I don't think what I have is contagious, its a mix of allergies, my birth control giving me problems, my new meds, and being a girl. I feel like I've been stabbed in the stomach, hit by a bus, a piano dropped on my head and I've been awake for weeks. I need Advil and sleep right now, but I have to settle for coffee and florescent lights and staring at this computer.
I have no idea when I wrote last so I'm just going to talk. My first 5k is in less than a week and I haven't run for over 2 weeks. Life just gets in the way sometimes. I will still run, but I just won't have a really good finishing time. I'm excited. I've even gotten to the point where I can download the Blogger app again, so pictures will soon be coming!!
Lilly had a blast at Disney World, but she only talked about what she did there a little. She was more excited to tell me about her hotel room and what foods she ate. I never brought up that I knew that a bird pooped on her head. She's loving 3rd grade and loves her teacher. I even like her teacher, but I don't think she's had one yet that I don't like. Fall ball has started and we ended up with the coach I didn't want. The one that yells a lot and throws fits like a little kid, but I'm giving him a chance and so far he is ok. He seems to have settled down a lot. Lilly is actually the best player on the team this time. She's gotten better, but we have a lot of girls that haven't played before.
Hubby has a new job. He starts September 16. He will be working shift work. At first I was upset until I noticed that he's not home a lot right now as it is, so there's not going to be much of a difference. I just won't have him with me during Lilly's games and stuff to help out with Zach, but there was a few that he missed anyway. Not really more money starting out, but he's supposed to get significant and frequent raises. Hopefully by the time Zach hits preschool, I can go to part time and work at the Y so I can still be with the kids, but have a job... and a free membership to the gym.
Zach's growing up too fast. He's sleeping better, but he does have his nights when he's up. He's eating more foods and saying more words. He can even draw a circle when you ask him to. He has to have a stuffed animal to sleep with now, but he doesn't really care which one. He gets his stool out and can get in the cabinets now too. He snuck a cookie the other day doing that. He even likes monsters. A couple nights ago he was yelling for some monsters to come sleep with him.
Oreo is growing too. He still jumps and bites, but playfully and I'm trying to teach him not to. He is good about staying in the yard until he sees another dog. The neighbors have a dog named Sam that Oreo likes to go visit. He'll crawl under the fence, but he's almost too big. He's going to get stuck one day. He's good at playing fetch too and we didn't even have to teach him how.
Work is ok. I just have to keep bearing it until I can get out of here. I keep applying for jobs, but keep getting looked over or turned down.
Tony is back on the road with Chris and my uncle Bill. I'm glad that he's making money again, but I hate that he's out traveling.
Its been raining a lot lately here and my work got flooded again. The hidden elevator and the garage elevator got flooded and so did my office. The hallways stink and there's industrial fans set up everywhere to dry the carpet. I'm sneezing like crazy because there's so much mold.
Mom is smoking again. You'd think after all the trouble she's had out of her heart that she would be smart enough to not pick it up again. Donavan is very upset about it and everyone keeps telling him that he doesn't understand just how hard it is to quit. I let him in on the secret that I used to smoke and I had no problems quitting. If mom can go a month without it, then she can keep going with no trouble. She just doesn't want to quit, that's all there is to it. Mom is going to do whatever Mom wants to do and no amount of talking or badgering is going to change her mind. If a doctor telling her that she needs to quit isn't good enough for her, nothing is. She's going to end up a mess and I wish I could get her to see that she probably won't live to see Lilly get married if she keeps this up. It breaks my heart that Mom is so stubborn.
Cj's baby shower was Saturday and it was fun, with a good turnout too. Good food, fun games, great company and lots of gifts for new baby. I brought my grandma and she had lots of fun too. I was trying to hang out with grandma while hosting the party and making sure CJ stays off her feet. I had to force her to go eat. I told her that we are not going to do a replay of her wedding and she's going go feed the baby and I'll take care of everything. Oh, the food. She had her family and me make stuff. There was little sandwiches, macaroni salad, pasta salad, fruit and dip, veggie pizza, cocktail weenies, meatballs, pepperoni rolls, veggies and dip, chips and dip... and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Her mom made cupcakes- There was vanilla and chocolate and then there was s'more and Resse's cupcakes too. We played a lot of games and gave away lots of prizes. After the baby shower, she was having game night at her house to celebrate her birthday which is tomorrow. I went back home and picked up hubby and Zach, who spent the day at a family reunion, and we headed to CJ's house to play and eat some more. Fun day. We got home after 10pm.
My weight is now down to 177.8, but I haven't really exercised much lately. I almost weigh what I did right after I had Zach. I just have to keep at it. I've come a long way, but I still have far to go. My goal for the year was only to lose 25 pounds by Christmas, but I'm already almost there. I think I'll tack on another 5 pounds and make it 30 pounds by Christmas. I'd love to weigh 140 or so around my next anniversary. I'd love to fit back in a size 10 again too. I've fallen off track a little, but I'm going to hop back on whenever I'm feeling better. I'm running my race Saturday even if I am sick. I'll walk it if I have to, but I'm doing it.
I just finished reading the book Room by Emma Donoghue. Its a book about a girl who got kidnapped and is being held captive for years in this little soundproof shack and being raped almost nightly. She has a little boy while in this room and the book is from the little boy's point of view. It tells of their stay in the room, the escape and then how they adapt to the world. The boy only knew about the room and things inside of it. Good book, but I don't think it ended right. Of course I thought the exact same thing about Gone Girl. I'm taking a break from books for a while so I can concentrate on my weight loss.
I think I've caught you guys up on pretty much everything. I'm going to probably post pictures tomorrow. I haven't posted pictures in a long time, so there will be lots. With the app, I can't put a description with the pictures, but I can talk about them before... I just can't with each picture. Maybe I'll just do a few at a time for a few days. We'll see.   And also with the downloading of the app, I can keep up my smile blog as well!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Weekend Fun and Then Some

I am beyond exhausted today from the weekend. Oh, I didn't stop. Friday after I left work, I went to the store for some grocery shopping for the cookout I was having on Sunday for my family. Then I picked the kids up, let them play-Zach ended up wrecking his scooter, fed them and then helped Lilly pack and dropped her off to the camp out. Zach went with me and he carried her pillow.
Saturday, I got up, took a shower and went to pick Lilly up. Brought her home and told her to go to bed since she didn't sleep all night. I cleaned. I did laundry and washed dishes, swept off the front porch, fed Zach breakfast and then woke Lilly up to leave. Dropped her off to her father and I chatted with my grandparents a little. Stopped on the way home to talk to Tony while he was at work. Went home and finished laundry and finished up the kitchen and played with Zach. I rode on Lilly's scooter, we picked apples and went for a walk with Oreo, played with chalk and Lilly came home around bedtime.
Sunday, I swept and mopped, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned the mirrors, cleaned off the tables, cleaned Zach's room, put some more pictures in frames, dusted, hubby cleaned up the outside furniture, and I started cooking around noon. I put on the ranch mushrooms in the crock pot, baked a cake, made a huge fruit salad, and made an Oreo pudding pie. Even ended up making another run to the store for more chicken. Mom, Seth, Donavan, and my nephew Jacob showed up first. We chatted for a bit and then hubby's ex brother in law pulled in. He stayed and talked to hubby for about 10 minutes and left. While he was there, Jeff, Josh, his wife Tish and her kids, Patrick and Austin showed up. I went out on the porch and chatted for a bit and watched the kids play. Then my in-laws showed up. I went inside and started cooking and told hubby to start up the grill for the chicken and deer steaks. He waited. Tony and Bre showed up while I was cooking. I sliced up some red potatoes and baked them, made a green bean casserole, cooked some baked beans, baked some fish, cooked corn on the cob, and made the kids hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Also made some lemonade and sweet tea. Hubby finally got done grilling and everyone ate... except Seth. He decided he was going to go sit in the car. I tried and tried to get him to eat or at least get out of the car. He finally got out of the car and sat on the porch and played his guitar. I got him to take a bite of Oreo pie and a strawberry and that was it. I got to talk to people for probably 20 minutes before they all left. Found out mom is smoking again.
I'm glad I got to see everyone, but I was too busy cooking that I didn't really get to visit. Oreo was very well behaved and the kids had a blast. It didn't take long to clean up and then the kids took baths. Lilly's elbow started bleeding again, but she wouldn't let me put a bandage on it. I finally got some big ones, but she started crying saying that it would hurt, so we just put a towel on it.
My evaluation of Seth... I think he is wanting attention. He made a big deal about not eating, he went to sit in the car. He made it very known to everyone that he hasn't eaten all day and didn't want to talk to anyone. If someone is depressed or suicidal, they don't do that kind of stuff. Yes, they may seek attention to get help, but he doesn't even want to try to get help. I think all those days of being alone in the apartment has taken a toll on him and he saw just how fast people will come running when he wants them to. I'm just afraid of the measures he will take to get attention, though. I wish he would go get help and maybe get put on some medication.
I've noticed some things about  my medication. I'm not depressed anymore, but I'm not really anything anymore. I'm not sad or overly happy or angry or anything... I'm just content all the time. My dreams are more vivid than before and sometimes, I swear, I actually FEEL like I'm in my dream living it for real. I feel the pain and the fear and I'm just so tired anymore, like I really did live my dream. I wake up with sore muscles when I can't think of a reason why they would be sore. I also can't breathe through my nose hardly anymore, but of course it could be a cold or allergies. My appetite has gone down significantly. I don't eat hardly as much as I used to and I'm just not hungry. Some days I have to make myself eat. I'm thankful for the medicine, I'm no longer falling down the endless spiral and feeling so alone, but there are just a few things that I have to adjust to now, I guess.