This weekend went ok. Kids fought and just couldn't get along, Lilly was back talking way more than usually and Zach was whinier than usual too. I cleaned all weekend to get ready for the party on Sunday. It was crazy. I swept and mopped, dusted (long task since we have been using our fireplace), cleaned the windows, cleaned the kids bedrooms, did laundry, scrubbed the bathroom, hung up pictures, baked 48 cupcakes, put up decorations, wrapped presents and I swear we ended up taking out the trash twice a day since Friday.
Saturday we went to my grandparent's house for Lilly's party #1. She got her gun. Its a pink gun with interchangeable .22 and 4/10 barrels. She's already planning on going hunting. Hopefully in just a couple of years we can all go as a family and I can get out there again and show up hubby!! She also got a big porcelain doll and some Stompeez slippers. I stayed up late to make her cupcakes, green swirled and rainbow with green icing. I also blew up a bunch of balloons and threw them on bedroom floor while she was sleeping. When she woke up, her and Zach played in them.
Sunday was her party. I decorated the house like crazy. Everything was green. I had it at 3:00 and exactly at 3:00, Zach was in much need of a nap. I tossed him in bed and stood by the door so no one would ring the doorbell. 2 of Lilly's best friends and her little boyfriend showed up. Hubby's family and family friends also came. Hubby's mom decided she wanted to give people a tour of our house. I made her stop. You just don't do that. I don't go to everyone else's house wanting a tour. Its not normal. You just don't do that, especially if its not even your house! Kids played for about an hour and we woke Zach up so he wouldn't miss the party. Everyone ate pizza and then she opened her gifts and loved everything she got. Her little boyfriend gave her a heart necklace. I think her favorite thing was the Full House DVD I got her. She liked her MP4 player, but wasn't as excited as she was about Full House. I think she has a crush on Uncle Jesse... but who didn't? Then we ate cupcakes and everyone went home and I got to clean up the mess. Good times.
I know this is short, but my mind is still elsewhere. I called mom just a bit ago and she was filling me in. The coroner's office hasn't released the bodies yet, so there's no date set for funerals yet. I don't know how much is planned yet. I don't ask questions, I just listen to what mom wants to offer me. The kids' mom is in a very bad place right now. She's ready to just get a gun and kill herself. I told mom to put her in therapy as soon as possible. I can't imagine the pain she is going through, but she has another son and baby girl on the way that she needs to think about. I wish there was something I could do. The kids are going to be buried in a family cemetery up behind mom's house. Mom is freaking out about all the people that are going to show up and expect food since its 'custom' to go back to the person's house and feast. I told her no one is expecting anything and not to worry about it. If people are so concerned about food, then they can bring their own. Its a funeral for babies, not a lunch buffet. I'm trying to stay strong for mom because she is trying to stay strong for everyone else. I let her call and tell me what she wants for feels the need to tell me. I let her cry and tell me stories of the kids. Tears roll down my cheeks while I'm on the phone, but I don't let her know and try to keep my voice from quivering. I'll tell her something funny my kids did to get her to laugh before we get off the phone. I told mom that it wouldn't hurt for her to go to therapy too. She said she'll be alright, but I'm going to keep telling her. The whole thing breaks my heart. I try not to think about it much unless I'm talking to mom. It makes my thoughts go crazy with 'what if it were my kids' and I break down. It makes me want to keep my kids in a bubble forever. If you can, please pray for my family.