Another day....

Yesterday at work I felt a bit accomplished. It was like a light bulb came on and I understood some stuff for a split second....just long enough for me to finish my project. It still wasn't great enough for me to decide to stay. I need a new environment with new people. The people here are just ...... no....I'm not going to say it. I have actually found some jobs today with the state that I'm going to look into. Stuff like data entry, child support, lottery, health & human services, and my favorite... employment programs interviewer. The starting wage is more than what I make now and there's no degree required. The benefits are great and the hours are too. I'm excited about it. I'm going to take the info home today to talk to hubby about it first...see what he says. My boss did do my evaluation today right after I found that other job online. She said that she just wanted to make sure I knew how good I'm doing and how much she appreciates my hard work. That's how I roll....I've always been a hard worker, but to actually hear it from my boss makes me sad for thinking of leaving. She is a really great boss and after I leave I plan to continue to talk to her as a friend. I just really need to get out of here and find better opportunities for myself. I've just been going with the flow. I did have an awesome job back in late '07 early '08, but I let that one go cuz it took too much time away from my family. My family is and always will be my first...very first priority. Time with family is more important than money.

And yes...last night reality hit me and it hit me hard. I'm not a big fan of reality....I like my little dream world that I live in. Just the possibility of not getting that house, hubby not having a job yet, me not being able to find the time to go back to school, money being tight, not having insurance, a baby coming in 5 1/2 months, being disconnected from my family.... it all hit me last night at the same time. I made the mistake of telling hubby and now he thinks its all his fault... its not. He said that if we wouldn't have gotten laid off none of this would be happening...well...its not like he could've stopped them from laying him off. Yes, he should have done something about a job when he knew about his lay off back in March.... and we would probably have that house by now and health insurance but....... I don't know. I just don't want him to be sad over my ways of thinking. Yes, I'm sad about it all, but its ok.

I've been having a problem getting full. I can eat and eat and not get full anymore. I have to keep track of what I'm eating so I don't over eat without knowing. I'm still not really gaining any weight.... I think I've only gained a pound, if that.

Lilly's been doing great with writing. Her letters are more clear and recognizable. I mean... you could always tell what the letters were, but now they are on the lines right where they need to be. Her handwriting is getting better. She's also more interested in how to spell words instead of just making letters. She already knows a few words, but she's really getting into it now. I'm excited that she's so excited to learn. I hope she keeps that excitement, I always did. I loved school and learning new things. Even now, I love learning new things....