The benefits to having a daughter that's growing up? I get to wear her stuff. Today, I'm wearing one of her necklaces. She's going to be really mad when she's a teenager and I lose all this weight and I can wear her clothes!
We've been wanting to get the kids one of those big wooden play areas/swing sets. But.. the biggest problem we run into is that we don't have a lot of flat land. Hubby's talking about digging up the big hill in the backyard and putting up a retaining wall, so we can have more room to put a swing set and even a little BBQ area. I'm unsure about this. My biggest concern is Zach and the retaining wall. And I do kinda like that little hill we have. The kids like to climb it and kick balls up it. We have this huge front yard too, but only this little piece of really flat land and its a little too close to the road for my comfort. I'm sure we'll end up cutting the hill out because its what hubby wants to do. I keep telling myself that after we do it, the kids will have more room to play and we can get them a swing set.
I didn't get to go running last night. Hubby took the day to mow and weed-eat the yard. I thought about taking Zach, but if I did, I'd have to go to the track and it is kinda hard to run with a stroller and a fidgety kid. If hubby is busy tonight, I will take Zach with me. I really need to get out there.
Taking Monday off because Lilly has an awards assembly around 9:00 and then after school she has a game. If I go to her assembly, I wouldn't get to work until about 10:30 or so, but then I'd have to leave about 3 to get the kids for the game. Its not worth the gas. I'm going to take a ME day. I'll go to her assembly and maybe go for a run before it gets warm out. Then, I'll take a shower, have lunch, clean up a little and then nap. I love napping. And then I'll go get the kids. Love the kids to death, but I've been stressing out a lot lately and I really need some alone time.
Job hunt is back on today. I just really hate never having any money and I really want to be closer to home. This crap of driving into the city every day has to stop. I don't even enjoy my job even the slightest any more. I just do what I have to do to get by. I feel like a lazy student on their senior year. I'm running myself thin for all these other people and they don't pay me nearly enough for all the crap I do. I'm done. I wish I had the motivation I used to. I wish working with kids paid more than it does. That's what I want to do, but I can't afford to work for minimum wage.
I wish I had some kind of direction with my life. I feel like I'm just floating along and I'm miserable, I really am. The only thing that I know is certain anymore is my love for my kids. They are my whole world. But I need more. I need something. I'm only in my 20's and I'm already stuck in a rut. Of course this could very well be the depression talking, or this could be the cause of my depression. I know I talk about this stuff all the time, but its constantly on my mind. I'm stuck at this job mostly because I can't get a job anywhere else that pays near what this job pays AND offers health insurance. I don't have a degree, so a lot of places won't even look at me.
Alright...I guess its time for me to start getting to work. I have quite a lot to do today actually, especially since I'm taking Monday off.