starting to get bigger.

I've only gained one pound, but my pants are fitting way tight now. Only 13 weeks and its already time to get clothes....sigh

So I had my first real doctors appointment today and I still don't really know anything other than I'm depressed and the doctor wants me to see someone. I mean...I kinda knew it, and I even told hubby that I thought I was and I might want to go see someone, but money stood in the way. If by some chance I do get the state insurance and it covers a psychologist, I will go. Being pregnant kinda heightens my depression a little. I think that's why I've been crying a lot more lately. Its not just the hormones, its the depression on top of it all.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat for a while this time. Didn't get an ultrasound done though. This visit they asked a lot of questions, did a pap smear, and then sent me to get some blood work done. I was there for 3 hours. 45 minutes of that was spent in the waiting room because no one knew I was there even though I did sign in. I finally got tired of waiting and went up to the window and they had forgotten about me. I was so mad. Then, another half an hour as spent waiting to get blood work done. Even though I was the only one in the waiting room and there was 3 people back there, I waited 30 minutes or more.

In 4 weeks I get to go back to the doctor. Hard to tell what they will do then. I don't really remember too much about doctor visits with my last pregnancy. The doc was asking me all these questions about last time and I just couldn't remember. I told her that I did use a doc that was in the same hospital and I'm sure they still have my chart there if she really wants to know. Like one of the things was, I told her that I thought I had gestational diabetes last time. I remember drinking the horrible chalk like crap and almost passing out. I don't remember what happened after that, if they took blood or what, but I do remember being told that I have it, but I don't remember what they did about it. I swear all they did was give me a shot right before I gave birth, but I can't remember. The doc said that it doesn't sound right. That if I did have it I would have had to take meds, watch my diet, and prick my finger to check my sugar several times a day..but I didn't do any of that. So I don't know.

In about 6 weeks, I get to get my ultrasound to figure out if its a boy or a girl. WOOHOO!!! Hopefully by then we'll have a house, or at least a bigger place and I can start decorating the baby's room in the appropriate colors. Still haven't heard anything on the loan for the house yet. No news is good news though, right?

They said that if I can't get the state insurance when I try again that they can write off all the work that is done at the hospital. The only things they won't be able to is lab work, ultrasounds, and the actual delivery. So that's still a big hunk of change right there. I seriously don't think I will be able to get it. My paycheck that I get tomorrow is gonna be way less than usual and if I can just get 2 in a row like that, I would be fine...but its so hard to get 2 in a row. The paycheck I get at the end of the month is going to be pay for 3 weeks..with like 25 hours overtime on it. I can't not get overtime. I need to pay my month to month bills. After I get Lilly out of day care and into Kindergarten, I should be able to stop getting so much overtime, but until then, I need it. Especially with hubby still unemployed and not looking for a job. I told him last week that since he was going to be in town with me that he should go to the unemployment office to apply for some of the jobs they have posted....some are excellent jobs. I even printed him off a bunch of them so he could take them in with him. I reminded him yesterday, last night and this morning to go and apply. He picked me up, we went to the doc, he dropped me back off at work, and then turned to go home. I sent him a text saying, "So you didn't go did you?" and he has yet to send anything back to me. I sent him another saying, "So that's a no?" and still nothing. So I sent him one last one saying, "ummm....ok then." I have this little sliver of hope that he did go. I know he didn't but I can still hope.

I know I haven't written anything in almost a week.....its been so busy....and I have been so upset and pissed off at times, I didn't want to write and do nothing but bitch about everything. Even though that's what I need. I need to get my emotions out there....but I just.....I don't know....moving on.

Lilly had fun camping, but was excited to come home. I missed her so much. Bought her a bunch of stuff while she was gone. I told her that I would get her some surprises..and I did. She got some jewelry, a water ball thingy (a ball that you can put water balloons in and you set a timer, toss the ball back and forth and it pops...whoever is caught with the ball gets wet), some tattoos and a pair of shoes. I'm saving her shoes for Christmas though. I bought them 1/2 size bigger so she would have a good pair when she needs them, so she can wait 5 more months for that.

On our way to get Lilly on Sunday....my car tried to overheat. I've been telling hubby for over a month that my antifreeze was low and he did nothing. He won't let me do anything to my car, even though I know what to do. So it got empty, or leaked...something...and we had to pull over. I yelled a little cuz he should have paid attention to what I've been telling him. Thankfully baby daddy met me where we broke down and he even offered to give me and Lilly a ride if we needed it, but I told him we were good and he could go. After 2 days without a car, hubby and his dad finally fixed it. I'm just glad that I didn't have to replace the engine....again. I had to do that 3 years ago and engines aren't cheap!

So, yeah..... that's a nice little recap I guess.