Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I am making a goal right now. After this baby is born, I'm going to do everything I can to get back to the weight I was before Lilly. I know its a long shot, but I've gotta try. Hubby didn't know me when I was skinny. He first met me when I was about 7 months pregnant the last time......and a year later we started dating. So, that's my goal. I want him to see the skinny me. I miss the skinny me. My bff sent me a pic of me and her together and it kinda made me sad. That was my motivation. I'm trying not to gain very much weight with this baby. I gained so much with Lilly. It sucks a little that its going to be born in the middle of winter. It makes it hard to get outside and exercise. Hopefully if we have that house, we can put exercise equipment in the basement or something and I can just workout at home.
I still have all this energy, but I'm so tired. I could lay down and go to sleep any time of the day....if I could just stop long enough. Been going to bed later and regretting it in the morning, but a few hours later.... its like a drank a large cup of sugar. I'm still tired, but I just can't stop.
My boss just told me that I should come up with a few goals that I would like to achieve in the next year or some things I would like to learn. There's quite a bit of things actually. I don't really understand what my department does. I know what I do. I file, transfer some money around, maintain files for housing bonds, and just a couple more things. I work in the corporate trust department of a bank, by the way. We deal mainly with companies and bonds and such. I would like to learn more about the things we do with DTC, how to close a bond, how to open a bond issue, how to do account reviews, and more about bond maturities. I don't really know much of anything about any of those. My boss said that I was hired to take her job when she retires.... I may or may not be here to do that. I have a good job with good pay and good hours, but I want a job that I enjoy doing. If I take her place that would put me out there working with the public on a very professional level...and well...let's face it....I'm not a very professional person. I still have goals to go back to school to be a teacher. That's my dream job. High school Biology and Anatomy teacher. One day.......one day. So anyway...while I'm here, I'm going to do my best to learn and maybe learn to like this job and everything that comes with the territory.....but I doubt it.
Yesterday when I got home I laid down on my stomach to play with Lilly for a bit, but I couldn't stay in that position. I could feel where the baby is. The baby, the fluid, everything....its like I was laying on a rock. I felt like I was squishing the baby even though it didn't protest and throw a fit...I rolled over anyway. I have been feeling the baby move like crazy now. There's no question that little weird feeling I feel is the baby now. Its like its break dancing in there. The movements aren't often, but they are strong. I was reading a magazine yesterday about pregnancy and it said if I made a fist....that's how big the baby is right now. Wow! I wonder why I'm not really huge. Imagine something the size of your fist in your stomach.....
I do think I'm a bit more excited about this pregnancy than I am with Lilly. Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant with Lilly and enjoyed every second of it...but I am more aware of what's going on this time around. I'm actually keeping track of what's going on, I know what to expect....last time I just went with the flow. I didn't track the growth, I was young, I was single, I was scared......well......I'm still scared. Its all very scarey to me.
I have also decided that I'm getting my hair chopped off before this baby is born. Maybe a month or so before. I have long brown hair...its past my butt. I can't remember the last time I had it cut. Trimmed yes, cut....no. I'm gonna go for anything super short...maybe somewhere between my shoulders and mid-back.... that's a big deal for me. I don't remember my hair ever being that short. I just remember how much of a pain it was to deal with my hair in labor and with a new born and I'd rather not do that again. Maybe even get rid of my bangs. I've had the same 'do forever. I did change it up a bit in '07, I got red streaks and a new style. My hair was parted on the side and my bangs were swooshed off to the side too. It made me look 10 years older than I was.... that hairstyle only lasted maybe 5 months before I put it back to normal. If I had my old phone I could post a picture of it.
Its only Tuesday and I'm already ready for the weekend..........

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