SQUEE!!!!

My little man is on 1000 awesome things. Took me half an hour to get the picture.

So, I finally received my much awaited Book of (Even More) Awesome and I couldn't be happier. I flipped through it last night and loved it. I even noticed a special something in the back. I have plans to go get more books of this one and the first one and tab some pages that I think my brothers would like and could really relate too. They are in need of a good pick me up and I believe these books will do the trick.

Ok, so my diet...... its not working. I'm too on the go to take the time out to sit and eat with utensils and a plate. I did cook last night, but I hate the deer steak while feeding Zach. I just poked it with a fork and started munching...I used a fork, it counts right? And then I put the rice on some bread and had a rice samich while playing with Lilly. I'm gonna try harder today.

Gas prices are up to $4.29 a gallon here. Luckily I have a full tank of gas.

Lilly's outfit yesterday... well, she liked it until she got home and took off those huge shoes. They were the shoes that went halfway up her leg, and her legs were black. She started freaking out. It was kinda funny. Needless to say, this is one outfit that I will not be sending her back to her father in. She will not be wearing this to school, unless of course I don't know about it. I should have taken a picture of her and her black legs. She said, "Did my shoes bruise my legs? They look like bruises!" I told her it was just the coloring in the fabric that rubbed off on her. "Is it ever going to come off?!!" I had to laugh a little.

Lilly has a ball game tonight, and its suppose to rain. It'll probably get canceled. I've been trying to get a picture of her on my phone during a game, but the zoom on my phone isn't all that great and she looks so tiny.

Signing Lilly up for day camp at the Y today. Its $225 just to register her! How crazy is that? They have a lot of great things planned this summer for the kids. Taking them to the bowling alley, skating rink, petting zoo, pool, to some caves, out to eat, and having a carnival. The very last day they have a food fight. Lilly has already said that she will not be in the food fight. She will watch, but won't participate. Last year a few of the kids got sick and threw up. I guess its really gross.

Oh, I stopped by the book store in the mall to take a quick peek at the Book of Even More Awesome yesterday, but they didn't have it. I was very disappointed. Why?! Why don't they have it?? I couldn't even find the first Book of Awesome there either. What's the deal? I'm going to have to file a formal complaint or something.
Zach has been doing great eating baby food and being spoon fed. He loved his carrots last week, but this week, we started on green beans.

And here's just a really cute picture I took of him right before bathtime. He is almost always smiling these days, I love it!!

Happy May!!!

My Book of (Even More) Awesome is suppose to be in my mailbox today when I get home!! How exciting is that??!!!!

Got a picture text from hubby's mom today showing me what Lilly wore to school... what her father put her in. Yeah..its really not school appropriate. I guess its ok for playing dress up or even going out to the store, maybe...but not school. She's wearing this pink leopard print long shirt with a tiny purple shirt over it. Big poofy, lacy, black skirt and shoes that go halfway up her legs. One~ don't put her in a skirt to play in at school. Two~ the weather isn't going to be very warm and its going to rain like crazy today. Sometimes I would just love to slap some sense into him. Yea, its a cute outfit, but its not for school. Ten bucks says that outfit isn't even hers, its her sisters.

Went to see my dad on Saturday. My step mom hasn't seen Zach since we were in the hospital, I think. Two of my brothers was there. They didn't say much. I tried to coax a conversation out of both of them, but I failed. One brother is very depressed. He was the main reason I went down there. I wanted to try to get him to talk to me without him knowing that I'm trying. I want him to want to talk to me. He's been going downhill for quite some time now. He opened up to my oldest brother. I think he was trying to open up to me on Easter, but I didn't pay any attention and was preoccupied with the kids. I feel bad now for not taking the time out to listen. I want to do something special for him. Staying at Dad's isn't helping. There's nothing to do there. All they all ever do is sit and watch tv. I need to get him and my other brother out of the house every once in a while and do something special with them. I don't really know what. The brother with the deep depression has a phobia of being around a lot of people. I don't know if its just a phobia if he's by himself or if its all the time. I need to be there for him. I need to find a way to help.

Ok, I didn't report on how my first day on the new diet went, so I'll do it now. Its harder than I thought it was going to be. Especially right after Easter when there's a bunch of candy in the house. So, yeah, I cheated. I ate candy. I ate pizza. The pizza was a late night dinner. It was Saturday after we came home from Dad's, Zach was super whiney and crying and I couldn't get in the kitchen to actually cook, so around 10 pm, I gave in and made a pizza. Friday, we had Chinese, (I also had Japanese for lunch) but I did put it on a plate...and ate with chopsticks. Cereal for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I made pork chops on the George Foreman grill. Very yummy. I did have a boiled egg for breakfast this morning. I just don't see how that could be worse than cereal. And I need to eat up all the Easter eggs or they will go bad. They probably are already bad. If I get sick today, we all know why. So, today I have planned to eat my yogurt here in about an hour and then around 1:00 I'll have some Progesso Light chicken vegetable rotini soup. Tonight I'm frying up some deer meat and onions. Fork and spoon!! Its harder than I originally thought it was going to be. I didn't realize how many things I ate with my hands. No more sandwiches, no Subway, no tacos, pizza is out....its crazy. I was beginning to be a big fan of Subway. I was eating there about once a week. I guess if I go, I gotta get the salad. Oh, Thursday for lunch I had a small chili and a baked potato from Wendy's. Its hard and its going to take some getting use to and way more self control.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to work here. I know they are trying to improve me and train me to take over, but I really don't want to. This isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. This isn't what I want to do now. I want a better job. I want a physical job. I hate sitting at a desk all day. I hate not being physically busy. This is how I gained all this weight. I've gained 25 pounds since I started working here, and that was before the baby. This is my first 'sit down' job and I really hate it. I was born to move around. I was made to work. I was raised to work in a blue collar job. I need to get out of these computer chairs, flourescent lighting, confined inside jobs. **sigh** but I'm too much of a wuss to leave. I know my boss depends on me and honestly, I'm scared to leave. What if the next job doesn't work out? What if they go under? I'm not a fan of the 'what if' world. I took a risk a while back and it nearly broke me. I have no money to be risky now. I need to be financially stable. I need to know that my next job will be better and I will be safe, no chance of unemployment. I have that stability here. I know they won't let me go. I know I have a job to come to everyday, the pay could be much better, but I have a job. I hate my job and think I was made to do better things. I guess I'll just have a look around and see what's out there. I'm just not sure what to look for.

I should be able to try again for a house loan this week. I'm going to try on Friday. That gives me enough time to get all of our stuff together and its the only day that I really don't have anything to do here at work. I'll just hop downstairs and have a chat with the mortgage lady. Hopefully she'll give us the green flag. Our apartment is getting smaller and smaller everyday. I would love to have a bigger kitchen, two bathrooms so no one is doing the potty dance, separate bedrooms for obvious reasons, and a yard for the kids to play. We have none of that now. Zach is in the living room, Lilly is in our room, we have no yard, we have our stuff piled up everywhere cuz there's just no room to put any of it away and out of sight. I hate our kitchen, I have no space to do anything. I hate climbing those 30 stairs everyday with a baby in my arms. I hate the fact that Lilly doesn't have much room outside to play. I hate that I can't get her a swing set or a pool or have a place for her to ride her bike. We need out of there and we need out SOON!

Book of Even More Awesome comes out today

The Book of (Even More) Awesome comes out today (in Canada) and I couldn't be more excited. If you didn't pre-order the book, I strongly suggest that you go get one. Here is a link to order it off Amazon~ http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399157506?ie=UTF8&tag=1000awesthin-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0399157506

I absolutely loved the first book and I can't wait to get the second one. A part of me wishes I would have just waited and went to the bookstore this week during my lunch hour to buy one, but I pre-ordered it and now I won't get it until next week. I want to congratulate Neil Pasricha on all of his accomplishments and I can't wait to see what he does in the future. I really wish I could get this second book autographed. I got the first one autographed....I need to find a book signing near here.

On another note....

Zach hardly slept last night which means mommy didn't sleep at all. I am exhausted, my body hurts and all I want to do is cry.

Lilly has a game tonight, I'm going to remember to bring the camera this time. Hubby can actually come to this one. Of course I said that about the last one and he was busy, but her game got canceled anyway.

Yesterday was such a mess. After leaving work to give day care the formula I forgot, I came back to work to be busy the rest of the day. Then I go home to rush, rush, rush. I had to make dinner before hubby went to his meeting at the fire station. Zach needed his dinner which was carrots and for some reason that boy ate and ate and ate yesterday. He ate a 3 ounce bottle right before his carrots. He had 2 tablespoons of carrots with 2 teaspoons of rice cereal mixed in. Right after that he ate another 3 ounce bottle and an hour later he took a 4 ounce bottle. I didn't want to make him a big bottle cuz I wanted him to eat his carrots, but he just kept eating. He won't take the spoon if he is really hungry. All he wants is that bottle in his mouth and since I'm still trying to get him use to the spoon, I give him a bottle. I don't want his first experiences with the spoon to be him crying cuz he's so hungry. I do try to give him baby food or cereal about an hour before I know he's gonna want a bottle, but day care left him hungry when I picked him up. They also still have 3 of my bibs. I'm going to have to retrieve them today.

I need a day or two just to myself. One day to sleep and one day to clean the apartment. Its such a mess.

We're suppose to be able to retry getting a loan next week, but I seriously doubt we can afford it. We'll see I guess. Part of me is sure that we'll end up living with my in-laws.... and if that does happen, I will surely go crazy. I have been keeping an eye on the what houses are for sale in our area and there really isn't anything that I like. I hope something pops up within the week.

no title today...sorry

In a better mood today. It helps that I got some really good news early in the morning. There's going to be a Book of Awesome 2!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!
I've had this horrible pain in my neck/back since Monday. It feels like a pinched nerve or something. Hubby was nice enough to give me a backrub, trying to help, but it just put me in more pain. Loved the gesture though. I can't remember the last time he offered to give me a massage. It was really nice.
Lilly starts school in just a month. We are all excited about it. She's going to be in hubby's mom's classroom. She is an assistant teacher. At least I know Lilly will be watched over. I'm a bit over-protective.
Yesterday wasn't really a good day for all of us though. Lilly was tired, therefore she was very whiney. I was in pain and a bit grouchy. Hubby was frustrated for some reason when we got home. We did suck it up long enough to play. Me and Lilly went outside in the sooooooooo hot weather cuz she wanted to play frisbee. I love that she wants to be active and play outside, but its just so hot here.
Didn't sleep last night very well. Haven't really slept well all week since my neck hurts. I can't roll over without being in such pain. I'm hoping that it will stop hurting by Sunday when I get Lilly back.
Been feeling the baby move a bit. Mostly when I'm upset it will move around, but as soon as I put my hand up to my stomach to see if I can feel it with my hand....it stops. My tolerance of meat is a little better now. I can now eat, smell, and look at meat without wanting to throw up all over it.....most of the time. Every once in a while the smell will get to me.
I haven't gained any weight, I've actually lost 5 pounds, but I can tell I'm getting bigger. My clothes are tighter and I just feel...well...fat. I can't paint my toenails anymore without taking a break to stretch out. Bending over like that is almost impossible anymore.
I've been craving chocolate like crazy. Yesterday I begged hubby to go to the store to get some pudding so I can make it and then eat all of it. I was craving sour stuff, but that all ended. Chocolate now. Yum!
I may or may not be alone all weekend. Hubby might be going to hang out with his dad at his uncles "farm." I put the little quotes around it cuz its not really a farm, but a little house on a big piece of land. There's no animals or crops or anything. Anyway...Lilly goes to her father's today and if he's gone, I'm all alone all weekend. I'll probably sleep....and eat.....

well......HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!!

I wanna scream

How in the world could I not mention.... I was featured in the 1000awesomethings blog today!! Not a very good picture, but oh well. I took the picture after crying for a bit after seeing the two lines on my pregnancy test. I should have taken the picture before I took the test. Nah...it better documents what was going on that day.

So......I have been having problems getting insurance. My pay and hubby's unemployment puts me at $700 over the limit to get the state insurance. I'm $300 over the limit getting insurance through the Maternal Child Office. I called them back today and asked why they didn't calculate in what I pay for day care and they said that I fall too high in the bracket for them to consider that pay. I don't understand. I pay almost $500 a month to day care. How can they NOT count that?? And I had a little too much overtime in the checks I sent in, but even if I only got 40 hours I'm still too high for them to count the day care expense. So, I called the lady here at work that deals with the insurance. I was trying to avoid getting work's insurance because the coverage sucks, the deductible is $3,000 and the monthly pay is $150. I can't really afford that, but I can't afford to not try to get some insurance, right?? WRONG!! She said that I'm past my 30 day time limit. Hubby lost the insurance in March along with his job....if I would have applied for the insurance here within 30 days of him losing it, I would have been able to get it. But now she said since I waited so long, I can't apply until January. I just started laughing at her and I couldn't stop. After all of these headaches, trying to get insurance through the state and elsewhere, I was using work as a backup plan but now I can't. I've been going through hell for the past month trying to get insurance and trying to get hubby to get a job that offered insurance (still no job...I want to strangle him), and I don't qualify for anything. I don't make that much, how can it be too much??

I figured it out....if I quit my job then the government will give me health care, food stamps, day care help if I need it, utility help, and free housing. If they help out the unemployed like that, why can't they help out the ones that are out there busting their asses everyday to try to make ends meet. I'm sorry....I'm just really angry about the whole situation. You have no idea what I have been going through with these people.

So...Lilly's father's girlfriend works in the hospital where I want to have the baby and where my OB/GYN is. She said that I can go through the clinic and everything will be free or at least close to free. That counts checkups, medicine, lab work, ultrasounds, the delivery and my 6 week checkup. The only kind of bad thing is that I won't have MY doctor. I will have whatever doctor is available at the time. Right now, I don't care. I have no other choice. I have to go to the clinic or be paying off this baby for the rest of my life.

There's my vent for the day

positively positive

Ok....so Thursday I found out I was pregnant. I took an at home test and it was positive....and I got the Book of Awesome on Thursday too!! I was on my way home Thursday and I decided I was going to stop and get one. There were no signs pointing to pregnancy, I just knew I was. I was going to go to a Kroger next to our house, but last time I was there getting a test, I ran into his mom. So, I decided to stop at a K-Mart between work and home. As soon as I pull into the parking lot, baby's daddy's girlfriend, Lilly and her half sister pull in right beside me. Lilly runs up to me and I walk inside with them. I tell her to go with them and I will see her in a couple days. I finally get down the right isle, pick out the test I like (its only $10 and comes 2 in a pack), and I get to the counter. The cashier noticed that the security strip was put over top of the bar code. While she was trying to get it off, she ripped the bar code. She couldn't scan it or make out all of the numbers so she sent another cashier to go get another one. She took forever! She came back and said there were no more. Then my cashier literally ran to get the bar code numbers off of the shelf. I was in line for like 10 minutes, and the whole time I was waiting and looking for Lilly and her little group of people that I didn't want to find out just yet.

I get home....and I really have to pee. Hubby's not home. We agreed that I would never take a test without him being there, but he was gone, I had to pee and I had to know. Getting the test was a spur of the moment thing, I didn't know I was going to get one until I got in my car to go home. So I take the test, and I flip through the Book of Awesome while I wait for the results. My favorite I think has to be on page 321. I seriously laughed for like 5 minutes over that one. Two lines pop up on my test and I call hubby and tell him to come home. Of course he's all excited and all I can think about is, how am I going to afford to go to the doctor? Where are we going to put the baby in this little apartment? Its going to be born in January! I didn't want one in January. I didn't want to go into labor and have to deal with the snow, road blocks, wrecks... ya know. How are we going to afford a baby...he has no job.....

When I got pregnant with Lilly, I was 18, going to college full time and working full time. I lived by myself, but I was never home. 7-2 I was at school. 3-11 I was at work. I didn't have to worry about any one else. I had money. I saved well. When Lilly came, I of course dropped out of school, but still continued to work full time. I paid for everything myself. But now..... I have more bills, there are more people I have to worry about, I'm actually buying food to keep in the house ( I use to live off hot pockets and egg rolls when I lived by myself...of course that changed a little when Lilly came, but not much).....food is expensive.

My pregnancy with Lilly was wonderul. I didn't get sick, I didn't have any pains...it was just wonderful. I did get some swollen feet at month 8 and gained like 50 pounds, but that all went away. I'm hoping this one is just as wonderful.

Besides me freaking out about money and space, I am excited and happy. I called everyone on Friday after my blood test...but I couldn't get a hold of mom. She was out camping on her new land and has no cell phone service. I didn't get a hold of her until Saturday night...and she already knew. Moms always know. That's what I tell Lilly all the time, I should have known that she knew. I told her on Tuesday that I was eating a lot and was always tired...... that should have been our clue.

Lilly thinks that every girl is always pregnant and the baby just come out whenever. For like 6 months now she has been asking me when is that baby is coming out of my tummy!! She has been saying forever that if I have a girl she wants to name it Kelly, but if its a boy she wants to name it Octopus..... and she really wants a brother. I'm sorry Lilly but Octopus is just not on my baby name list.

Of course if its a girl, her middle name is going to be Rose. I'll have Lilly and Rose. I like the name Morgan for a first name, but I don't know yet. Alexander for a boy. We have yet to really discuss anything...these are just names that have been on my baby name list for years.

Now...I'm sitting here at work awaiting for people to show up and say something about it. All the girls that are married and is of child bearing age is pregnant or had a child this year already. One girl had a boy in January... one girl had twin boys in March....one girl had a boy on Friday....the next girl is due in a few weeks with a boy...and there's one due in September, but its too early to tell what it is. All signs point to boy for me. I'd like to have a boy, but I already have all the girl stuff. I haven't given or thrown away any of Lilly's stuff. I have clothes and toys from birth to 5 years old. Pink car seats and strollers, pink sheets and a pink crib liner...the crib is brown so there's no worry there. Pink bottles...well...I think the bottles were all different colors. Her bouncy/vibrating seat is blue and green with Pooh bear and her walker thing that has a bottom on it is red...but I think I did throw that out. All of this is in my storage building along with all my maternity clothes. I'm going to have to pay my storage building a visit.

I think this is a bit long............one more thing.....................................





I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I ended up going to my bff's house over the weekend. Didn't really get anything accomplished. We got 3 boxes packed for her. Was hoping to get more done than that, but Saturday kinda got away from us. We always seem to lose time. Don't know what's on my agenda for this weekend yet. HMmmmm..... Oh and I need to retract any statement I made on here that said that she lived 2 hours away...yeah...its 4!! So I guess moving 5 1/2 hours away in a month isn't much of a difference except she will be in a different state then.

I'm still waiting for my autographed copy of the Book of Awesome. I'm still so very excited about it!! I'm going to have to go get some family members a book. Today's post is about napping with someone else. See...they are all awesome!! Little things like that. Things that we know put a smile on our face, but we don't really pay much attention to. Love that blog and I can't wait for the book!!

Something I found quite interesting....a cat that traveled from New Mexico to Chicago in 8 months. Wow!

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/missing-cat-charles-found-chicago/story?id=10403983 ~ there's the story.

Nothing new really going on. Still haven't gone to visit Mary's grave. I really want to. Hopefully I will get to do that soon.

Anyways....its Tuesday. Lovely, lovely Tuesday. Work is getting kinda slow. Boss is out today. I want to take a vacation day so bad just to spend the day by myself doing nothing in particular, I want a day off from everyone and everything.

AWESOME

Oh...how could I forget to mention~ THE BOOK OF AWESOME is out today. So excited for Neil. I am awaiting my copy in the mail and am planning on buying some more. Again....if anyone is reading this and hasn't checked out 1000awesomethings.com you really really really should. In a world full of grief and horrible news, this blog brings a positive light back into the world. Can't wait to read the book. I'm sure it is just as good...maybe even better. I will have to let ya know.
It makes a person really appreciate the little things in life and makes you stop and think. It reminds me to look around everyday to find all of these little things that make me smile or it reminds me of childhood memories I had long forgotten about. Oh, I could go on and on about how great this site is, but you'll just have to go check it out for yourself to see. Did I say it was a great site? I meant to say AWESOME site.
Just thought I'd put that out there........ go to the site, give a look around, comment and meet some really great...no....awesome people, and if ya like it.....go get the book. I highly recommend it.
:-)

Another Day

Yet another day.
I was looking around on here yesterday and I noticed that most of the people with blogs are professionals.... Web designers, realtors, managers, and even a few translators. I'm not a professional in anything. I couldn't really find a 'normal' person on here.
In case anyone is reading this that hasn't heard of 1000awesomethings.com you really need to go check it out. Possibly the best blog EVER!! It always puts a smile on my face and I have met a few really nice people. Its a guy counting down the 1000 most awesome things. From the cool side of the pillow to hitting a string of green lights to unsafe playground equipment to having a really good cry....this blog has it all. The Book of Awesome comes out tomorrow. I urge anyone and everyone to go get one. I won mine on that site. Neil, the creator, was holding a contest and I won a book. I'm so excited about it!


So, I will probably post again later today. Depends on how I'm feeling. I'm a bit sick right now, so I wanted to keep this short and sweet.