You want a salad with that?

I have been trying to eat healthier and drink more milk. I hate the taste of milk, but I need to drink it. I'm eating more vegetables. I need to try to throw more fruit in there. I'm only eating wheat bread. I'm even more active now. I make sure I climb the stairs here at work twice a day... 14 floors. So, I guess technically its 28 since I'm doing it twice a day, right? =)

Yes, I am taking better care of myself with this pregnancy than I did with my first one. For one, I am older and wiser now. For two, I have other people that are looking out for me this time, too. I'm not 18 and running myself thin. I'm not living alone. I'm not smoking. Don't get me wrong, I was an excellent mother and still am to Lilly, I just didn't take very good care of myself during pregnancy. I worked hard, went to bed late and got up early, I ate junk, I smoked, I had the stresses of school...but now its a bit easier. I know what I'm doing and I know what to expect.

I do still kinda feel like I'm doing this by myself. I know, its only been like 6 weeks and I've only known for 3, but it seems that hubby just isn't interested anymore. When we found out he was so excited and I was freaking out. Now, I'm excited and still freaking out and he's just sorta chilling. He doesn't talk about it anymore. He rolls his eyes when I talk about getting fat in a couple of months, but that's it. Makes me kind of wonder. He did look at a few baby things with me over the weekend. Lilly talks about it almost everyday. Then again, I'm sure that's one of the things that are just going to stay on her mind. She is excited about being a big sister. She is almost exactly a year younger than her half sister.

I don't sleep well now. I am so tired during the day, but when it comes time to go to bed...I can't. I'm still tired, but I just can't go to sleep. When I do finally go to sleep, I don't stay asleep. I got up 5 times last night and not once to go pee. My boobs were hurting so bad last night, too. Every time I rolled over, sat up, or even laid back down, I was in pain. I don't remember this pain from last time. I hate it. It even hurts when I take my bra off after I get home from work. I hope there is nothing wrong and this is normal.

I think I need to go clothes shopping sooner rather than later. I'm not showing yet or anything, but my clothes are a bit snug. Like I'm horribly bloated or something. LOL... Buying clothes is going to be a kind of a problem. With low money and clothes being an arm and a leg these days, I'm going to just have to buy like an outfit every payday or something. I want to start early, guess what size I'm going to be and buy it before I actually need it. That way I have clothes when I need them and I don't have to worry. I do have this fear that I will wake up one day to get ready to go to work and not fit into any of my clothes. Wouldn't that be a great excuse to call off work. "Um...hi. Its me. I can't come in to work today because I have outgrown all of my clothes." Not funny. So stop laughing.

I stopped at Dairy Queen a today for lunch to get a salad....I'm a little more than halfway done...and I'm full. I just think its odd to get full on a salad that quick.

I told my bff that I'm making her find me a hobby. She has until Saturday. I really want a hobby or at least discover something I am good at. I use to paint. I use to write. I don't do any of that now. I was really good at both. Now all I can think about is sleeping. That's my favorite past time these days and I hate it. I feel lazy....I AM lazy. I need to get out there and do something, BE something. I want to find my talent, my hidden abilities. I want to know what I like. I just don't know anymore. I don't do anything. I don't write. I started a book back in high school and it has big potential, but I can't bring myself to finish it. I don't paint. I painted so many pictures back in high school. Mostly abstract, but they were...well...awesome. I also use to write poetry. I have ten of those journal books with my poetry on every page. I have well over 1,000 poems and I think like 100 short stories. My English and Creative Writing teachers in high school and college loved my writing and told me often. I always had an "A" in all of those classes. I don't have passion for anything anymore. I read, but only when I'm bored..which isn't often these days cuz when I'm bored....I sleep. I think if I had a hobby or something to do other than stay at home and do nothing, things would be better between me and hubby. I wouldn't be sitting around wondering when he's coming home or getting mad when he rolls in at midnight. I know he has his own things to do, but when I'm home alone and bored out of my mind...it just sucks. I need to find something to occupy my free time. There are a lot of things that I want to do, like learn to sew really well, relearn French, but none of that really appeals to me as something exciting. Hubby has the fire station. When he's bored, he goes over there an hangs out. Cleans, does reports, whatever. I need something like that to do. Something to get me out of the house and my mind off of things. I need to find something. Maybe volunteer somewhere like a hospital or kennel or something. Just maybe one or two days a week. I had thought about a second job, but the more I thought about that, the more it was a bad idea. I don't want somewhere I HAVE to be. I don't want something to take time away from Lilly. I just want something to do when Lilly is with her father and hubby is busy...which is like one or two days a week. Even if its a hobby I can do with Lilly that would be great. Get us both out of the house and a chance to get even closer.