TGI Friday 13

Happy Friday the 13th!! Today is MY day. I rule Friday the 13th's. I was born on Friday the 13th. Today is my good luck day, my good mood day, my happy day...see ----->  :-)

Today's awesome post is about cool moms, so I got to thinking a lot about my mom and the childhood I did(n't) have. She was a strict parent, Dad was worse. As I got older, mom did lift up the rules a bit but not much. The phone conversations were 30 minutes. After that you better be off the phone or Mom would hang it up for you. If it wasn't storming, we better be outside and we could only come in to go to the bathroom. All through high school, I was the one that did all the cooking and the cleaning and I helped my little brothers with homework and gave my youngest brother his baths. I changed my first diaper at the age of 6, and kept changing them after that. Whenever mom didn't feel like doing something, she would call on me to do it. We even lived in this one house where my bedroom was just on the other side of the wall to the living room. Mom would knock on the wall and if I didn't come running, I got yelled at. Yeah.

In 2000, Mom had her first heart attack and that's when I had to take over everything and that's when mom stopped being a mom. I was only 13 at the time. It was the summer before my freshman year in high school. I had to take on being on the bottom of the ladder in school, peer pressure, stress from school and then all the stuff from home. I think I've talked about this before. I grew up way too fast and I didn't have a chance at a real childhood.

But somehow I smiled through it all. I would go grocery shopping with mom and that alone helped me stay happy. Just a little alone time with mom, sneaking candy bars or McDonalds and then hiding the evidence.

Shortly after mom's first heart attack, she divorced my first step dad and that's when she stopped being a mom. She did what she wanted to do, when she wanted and I was the one to pick up the slack. I disciplined my little brothers. I put them on the bus to school. I did all the things a mother should be doing while my mom acted like the teenager. I never got to go to parties. Instead I was at home putting bandaids on scrapes, putting kids to bed, holding their hands and telling them everything's going to be ok. 

I don't regret anything. I believe that doing what I did and being who I was led to who I am today. I am stronger because of all that. I am a good mom because of all that. I could have very easily turned my back on my family, but I didn't. I stayed. I took over. I have a very close relationship with my little brothers because of that. My brothers and I have been through hell together and we survived. My older brothers and I had it way worse than my little brothers. My little brothers had me as a mom instead of our mother. But my older brothers and I, we had Dad, and our step dad. Dad would yell at us for no reason or get us up in the middle of the night just to beat us. We couldn't talk to him unless he talked to us first. When we played, we had to be quiet. We couldn't even talk in the car. If we even looked at him wrong, we got it. My step dad was the same way, but he was a drunk on top of it all. We never had any money because my step dad and my mom would blow it on themselves. They wore name brand clothes while we wore hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. Mom's cigarettes came first, our groceries came second. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had learned to buy an entire wardrobe for me and my brothers for super cheap, we had been evicted from 3 houses and I had moved 11 times, I had been to 4 different school districts and I delt with mom's second divorce and third marriage. My older brothers moved out as soon as they got a chance. My oldest brother moved out in the middle of mom's second marriage, when I was about 10, when things were real bad. He moved in with my mom's mom. The brother right above me moved in with Dad right after mom's heart attack. I stayed. I couldn't leave my little brothers to fend for themselves. I lived through all kinds of abuse and so much neglect, but I couldn't leave...I wouldn't leave.

When she married the third time, things got a little better. This guy was great. He was a little more lenient and more understanding and he could cook great. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when he came into our lives. I still had to take care of my little brothers, but he was there in the background to help out. I still did all the cleaning, but he did most of the outside work with my little brothers. Things were better, they weren't great, but they were much better. Mom even stopped being so strict and I could hang out with friends after school and go to football games.

But then my second step dad's work went on strike and things were tight. We got evicted again and then we moved into a 2 bedroom shack with no running water. There was 6 of us, but we made it work. After I got pregnant I moved out.

After I had Lilly, my relationship with mom took a turn for the better. Then after I started dating my would be husband, mom kicked my second step dad out and I was back in the middle of everything. She had run into her first boyfriend and wanted to get back with him, so she ruined a great marriage. Here we go again, I thought. I gave my step dad a place to stay and gave him rides to work. He finally got his own place after about a month. Mom still does what she wants when she wants. The brother above me won't speak to her anymore, the brother under me didn't talk to her for almost a year. The brother under me moved in with Dad about 3 or 4 years ago and the brother under him moved in with his dad about the same time. I've lived through a lot and I have forgiven so many people for the wrongs they've done to me. My dad, my mom, my oldest brother..... so I have been able to move on and have good relationships with each of them. I am very proud of the life I've made for myself. I hear all these stories of people that turn to drugs and/or alcohol cuz they were abused as a child. Yeah, well...I lived through it all and probably worse and I'm doing just fine.

I have vowed, even before I had Lilly, to be a good mother, to be a cool mom, to always be there for my kids.....to be the mom mine wasn't.

Need a change

So....... I don't really have anything to write about today. I'm bored out of my mind and kind of want to go home.

I'm still unsure if I'm taking tomorrow off or not. I might just come in for the extra hours. I was planning on having all 40 hours by the end of today and not use a vacation day, but I could use the over-time. I do have my fingers crossed that I have some kind of raise on my pay check tomorrow. If not... I have a couple applications that I'm going to mail out. I hate to do it, but I desperately need to be making more money. Thinking about working for the state. Pays good, great benefits and where I'm applying is closer to home than my current job. Its just at the point where I hate coming here now. I hate the work I do. The people aren't all that nice. I could give you a list of things, but I'm not. Not today anyway. I don't like that I dread coming to work everyday. I want to have a job that I like, one that I can be proud of. I don't know.

Gonna try tomorrow to get a loan for a house, even though I don't think we can afford it. Even if my credit score is high enough to get a loan, I just don't see how we are going to manage. Unless hubby is making more money than I thought, there's just no way. Hoping that I'll get a good paying job soon, then I won't have to worry. I don't like how everything depends on how much money a person makes. Can't afford to put gas in my car or to pay day care. Might as well just stay home. I'll save money that way. No $900 a month for day care, $60 a month for parking, $175 for gas....  I'm generally a very happy person, until you get money involved. Things are just so expensive these days. I know I tend to talk about money a lot on here, but that just seems to be the biggest problem in my life right now. Actually, I think its the ONLY problem. Everything else is perfect. Ok, almost everything else.

Update on my 'diet.' Yeah, last night I made tacos. I had them on a plate and I very well could have eaten them with a fork, but it would have been a little messy. I guess they don't count as diet food. haha I did bring a salad today for lunch. A gold star for me! Yesterday I had soup for lunch-another gold star! Can't think of what I made for dinner on Tuesday or what I had for lunch. OH, stroganoff for dinner (gold star) and something.... I don't know what...for lunch. So I'm doing ok I guess. I could be doing better with my "food needs to be on a plate and eaten with utensils" diet. Been climbing the stairs a lot too. Every time I go to the restroom, I climb the stairs since they are right there. The first time I went to the 11th floor (I always start out on 3) then went all the way down to 1 and back up to 3. The second time I just went up to 10 and back down to 3. Next time I'll probably do the same. I can now make it to 10 without having to stop and stretch my legs out or take a breather, so that's pretty awesome.

Its raining, Its pouring

I read a really inspiring story today from a ninth grader named Arvind. Go here to read it.

 

The rain here has been crazy. All it does is rain anymore. Where is my sunshine? Yesterday on my way home, the sky was black, so black it looked like night time. Then, big rain drops started to fall and they were pounding really hard on my windshield. I also saw a ton of lighning, striking right beside the road. It was so awesome. Part of me wanted to pull over just to watch the lightning. I love watching lightning and it was just so close. Its suppose to storm again today.

Yesterday was ok. I was tired, but tried to keep myself moving. I climbed the stairs twice and finished some filing. I can't believe that its only Wednesday.

I'm going to keep this one short.

I went to Walmart last night, by myself, at 9:00 at night. I really needed to go by myself so I could think and not get frazzled. I also liked that there wasn't that many people there shopping and I could whip in and out of isles like I owned the place. I waited until Lilly was in bed and Zach was asleep and I told hubby was I leaving. He was kinda surprised. I was too, actually. I didn't think I'd have the energy to go. I bought $298 worth of stuff, but I had coupons, so I paid $262. ( Had to use my Wal Mart Discover card) I even found a way to bypass my coffee situation here at work. I bought some Maxwell House International coffee that all I have to do is put a couple spoonfulls in boiling water and I have my coffee. I even splurged and bought French Vanilla and Suisse Mocha. I'm drinking the Mocha right now and I gotta say...its pretty awesome. Its also nice cuz I hardly ever buy stuff for just me.

I found a shirt that I just HAD to get for my little brother, Tony. Its black (he only wears black) and it says, "Have you seen my zombie?" He's really into zombies and all that. (Oh, and in case you didn't know, its Zombie Appreciation Month. I don't really get it either, but whatever) And when you flip the bottom of it over your head, your face is a zombie. They printed a zombie face on the inside of the shirt so when you flip if over your head the face is over your face. I wonder if it glows in the dark. Hmmm..... I'll have to check that one out. Bought Lilly a bathing suit too. Its pretty. Its got peace signs on it and if I remember right, its green. I almost bought her 2, but we need to see if the one from last year fits before I go get another. We need one for the Y and one for home. The Y lost hers last year. They also lost her beach towel, but after me complaining so much about them losing stuff they finally handed over her towel. I think another parent took her bathing suit home. The staff at the Y just put everything into a big pile and it was basically a free for all. I was usually one of the last parents to show up, so the pile was always small... and Lilly's stuff missing.

Anywho, I'm kinda tired, but not as much as yesterday even though I was out shopping late and didn't get to bed 'til midnight. Zach got up to eat twice last night and once he even tricked me. I thought he was waking up, I made a bottle, and he went back to sleep. So I put the bottle in the fridge and climbed back in bed. He woke up later to eat the bottle. He's wearing his cute blue and white plaid romper that says "Yacht Club" on the back of it and a matching hat. I love that outfit, but today is the last day he's gonna get to wear it. Its getting too small. He's growing so fast.

I was trying to feed him his sweet potatoes last night and I dropped the bowl all over me. I had orange pants instead of black. He likes sweet potatoes though. So far he just doesn't like green beans, but next week is peas. So far he likes all the orange food. I'm not going to give him any fruit for a couple more months. Get him in the habit of eating his veggies.

I also took a peek at some of the blu ray players last night at Walmart. I know they have the one I want, but it may just be available online cuz I couldn't find it anywhere in the store. I want to get hubby a blu ray/vhs combo for his birthday. I only have a couple weeks left. Crap!! I forgot to look for the hand print stone things there. I was going to go ahead and get it if they had it. Oh, well. I know K-Mart carries it and its for Father's Day so I have a few weeks.

My list

Lilly's game went great yesterday. She was awesome!! She got out in front of that ball and stopped it, she threw the ball like she meant it and she hit it like she was mad at it. She did this one play-the little boy hit the ball right to Lilly, it was a grounder, she caught it and threw it right to first base. The little girl on first base, Chloe caught the ball and touched the base before the boy got there! I was so proud. Lilly moved so fast, she knew exactly what to do, she was paying attention and she threw that ball right to Chloe. It was perfect. Here's some pics of her warming up. I couldn't get any good ones on my phone while she was playing, my zoom doesn't zoom very far. She doesn't have anther game until next Wednesday.

My 'diet' has gone completely off track, but I'm jumping back on. I gained a couple pounds over the weekend. Hubby and Lilly bought me and his mom a giant cookie cake....so I ate basically half of it by myself. I LOVE cookie cakes, and so do my hips unfortunately. I'm back to climbing the stairs during my lunch hour and only eating with utensils.....but for how long. I'm going to really try to stick with this. I think that I'm going to do my horrible diet the week Lilly is with her father this summer. I eat nothing but fresh, raw veggies and fruit. No meat, no dairy, nothing cooked or steamed. I haven't done this since last year. Every time I do it, I do it for about a week and lose about 10 pounds. My body reacts horrible to this diet and its probably not very healthy for someone that's not use to eating that way, but I've been doing it about twice a year for 3 years now. The weight I lose usually stays off, unless, ya know, I get pregnant like I did last time. I told hubby last night that we need to have another kid just to make the world a prettier place. He quickly gave me weird look.

A few years ago I started this list of 25 things I wanted to do before I turned 25. Here are the things. The underlined ones are the ones I have already done.

*Buy a house

*Empty storage building and have a yard sale

*Organize pictures into photo albums

*Lose 30 pounds

*Get a new hairdo (I've had the same one since elementary school)

*Go to a comedy show

*Get new shoes

*Save $5,000

*Fix my car completely

*Do something new as a family

*Go to a concert of one of my favorite bands/signers (I've done this back in the day when I was younger, but I haven't done this recently)

*Ride in a boat (again something I did in the past, but would like to do again soon)

*Go somewhere I've never been

*Have a baby

*Get great at my job

*Take up a new hobby

*Cook Thanksgiving dinner (Can't do this one before I turn 25 seeing as how my bday is next month)

*Make a gourmet meal

*Drink a fancy wine

*Ride a horse

*Go to WWE event

*Finish writing my book (I'm a long way away from accomplishing this one)

*Read 10 best seller books (I only started counting when I made this list. Past books didn't count)

*Meet someone famous

*Be more social

8 out of 25 so far. Being more social- I kind of am, but I'm not at the point yet where I can mark it off my list. I've also been working on my list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. I will share those on or around my bday. Some of my things from this list are on that list. I also have a lifetime list. Some of the things on that one are-learn to drive a stick shift, learn Italian, relearn French, go to Italy, go to the beach, buy a house, get to pre-Lilly weight.... There's a few more and I'm pretty set on getting that list done. There are several places that I would like to visit, even here in the US, but I figured it would be a nice thing to do for hubby once we are retired. He's got some Italian in him, I don't know which side of his family is. Both his parents LOOK Italian, but I don't know.

Looks like I'm down to one cup of coffee a day now. No one is allowed to use the kitchen here at work that has the coffee pot in it. A lot of people already had their own coffee pot by their desk. I don't own a little one to bring to work. Might be something I put on my bday list. No one really knows why we can't use that kitchen anymore. There was some mumbo jumbo about interrupting meetings with clients and whatnot, but those meetings are held behind closed doors away from the kitchen and I'm here making coffee before ANYONE is here anyway, so I don't see the big deal. It gave me an excuse to get out my coffee pot at home. I got it as a wedding present, but I've only used it maybe 10 times. I don't drink coffee on the weekends unless I crave it. So I got it out, dusted it off and made my coffee this morning, but its already cold. How can I continue the day without my coffee. I didn't drink coffee while I was pregnant, but I was getting sleep back then. No sleep=needs coffee. I can't afford to go out and buy it everyday. I'll just have to get my own little coffee maker and put it in my office right beside my Sentsy warmer.

The Day After

Saturday we went to see my grandma. We only stayed for about 45 mins, but in that short time I already had a headache. Then we went to visit mom. She wanted to go find some yard sales, so we drove around. Zach got fussy. He hates being in his car seat and I told her that, but she still wanted to go. He screamed and cried, I got aggravated. On our way back to drop mom off at her car, we stopped at a playground to let Lilly play and I fed Zach a bottle. We dropped off mom and went to see my second ex step dad. Two of my younger brothers were there. I haven't seen my youngest brother since February. My step dad held Zach for the first time. He wouldn't hold him while he was tiny, but he's a big boy now. I even weighed him on Saturday. 15.6 pounds and only 15 weeks old. So then we were getting ready to leave, as soon as I put Zach in his car seat he started screaming. I felt bad for him cuz he's been in that thing almost all day. He screamed for about 10 minutes and fell asleep. I called hubby to tell him we were on our way home. Lilly was asleep too. About 5 minutes after Zach fell asleep he started coughing and woke himself up....and he started screaming.... the rest of the way home....about 30 minutes. He didn't want his bottle, or a paci, or to play, or anything. I even pulled over and got him out of his car seat for a while and gave him gas drops, but he still screamed. We finally made it home and he stopped.

Sunday, Zach got me up at 5:00. He wasn't hungry, he just was ready to wake up. Lilly got up at 7:30, as soon as I got Zach to take a nap and was planning on taking one myself. I made her breakfast and she wanted to give me her Mother's Day stuff she made at school. Oh, on Friday she gave me a Marigold. So she hands me this white bag that she drew on, which is pretty. Inside is this house she colored and if you open the door there's a picture of her. There was also another picture of her in a frame that she decorated. I got her hand prints and a list of things she said she was going to help me with on Mother's Day. 1-Help mom feed Zach. 2-Help cook. 3-Help Clean. There was a paper with a sentence at the top "When my mom smiles I" and she had to finish it and she said, "am nice and not mean." Then there was this certificate thing that said something along the lines of -this certifies that this is the best mom because- and she had to finish the sentence and she said, "She gives me any food that I want to eat." That made me laugh. 9:00 we went to wake hubby up and Lilly gave me what she bought when he took her out on Friday. She got me a singing card and a picture frame. The plan was to put a picture of me and the kids in there, but one doesn't exist, so I just got the frame. I told them that we'll get a picture soon and put in there.

We then go to hubby's mom's house and cook out on the grill. It was an ok day. All I really wanted was rest, but I got the opposite. I am so exhausted today. My weekend was busy. My body actually hurts today from lack of sleep. I got to spend the day with my kids and that's all that matters. I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day and you visited/called your mom if you could.

Oh, something that made me smile yesterday...my brother, Chris texted me Happy Mother's Day! That was pretty awesome!

Mother's Day just days away

Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there and to everyone's mom too! Day care gave me some flowers in a pot. They drew flowers on the pot, too, with Zach's fingers as the petals. Its cute and its on proudly displayed on my desk for all to see.
Just this morning, I made cards for my step dad's birthday and mother's day cards for my mom, both my grandmas and hubby's mom. I put a picture of the kids on the front and instead of signing their names, I'm going to have them put their hand print inside. I don't know if I have any paint at the house. I might go out at lunch and see if I can find any at the mall.

Lilly's game went great. She did really well, I was so proud. Hubby's mom finally got to come to see Lilly play, but hubby missed this one...he had a meeting. Her father, his girlfriend and their kid came. They always come. I do wish they'd go stand on the other side or something. They are just so loud and distracting and they don't even watch the game, or Lilly. Zach was good, until it was time to leave. It got cold outside and he was all cuddled up against maw maw in his jacket and wrapped in a blanket and when we put him down in his cold car seat, he started screaming.

Today is 50's day at school for Lilly and she looks so cute. She's got on her black skirt with a pink poodle on it, a white t-shirt, a black and purple checkered scarf. They are dancing at 9:00. I couldn't go watch. Maybe next time.

Tomorrow, we venture out to see my mom and grandma's. I'm going with both kids, by myself. Its over an hour long drive to get to my mom's mom's house. I don't think I'll be driving to my mom's house. I'll tell her to meet me at Maw's. Mom lives on the same road as grandma, but half an hour past... on the gravel, then the dirt, up a big hill, over a rickety wooden bridge, up another dirt road/hill... I don't really want to make that drive with Zach just yet. There's no where to pull over if he needs something. I don't know yet. Also going to visit my step-dad. Ok, my second ex step dad. His birthday is today. He's 45 today.

My bff is also coming in today, but I can't figure out when I'm going to have time to see her. She won't get in until about 7 or so tonight, tomorrow my day is full from the time we wake up 'til way past Lilly's bedtime and Sunday I'm going to be busy also. I haven't seen her since February and that was only for 5 minutes. I mostly wanted her to see Zach and she did. I just wish there was more time. If she would have come in last night or even this morning, we could have spent today together. I could have taken the day off to hang out. My boss would understand. As a matter of fact, my boss took today off to go visit her mom. I'm sure a lot of people in my office are taking the day off. Today was the day that I was suppose to be able to try to reapply for a loan for a house, but this week has been so rushed, I haven't even had time to get the information together. I'm going to try to do it tonight and apply on Monday. It'll be the best Mother's Day gift if we do get approved...and then get a house by our anniversary...oh, that would be awesome! Cross your fingers for me!!!!

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo. I don't think I have anything planned for today for Cinco de Mayo.... I don't think I need to. I know a lot of people are going to go out and have Mexican tonight and drink a little....

 

So...Zach has found his thumb. I don't know if I've mentioned that or not. Its so cute. He'll plop that thumb in his mouth, but he doesn't close his other fingers into a fist yet and he pokes himself in the eyes and pushes down on his nose so he can't breathe. He found his thumb the day before Easter, so that's what he did all day on Easter and its what he does all day now. Its funny sometimes. We'll put the paci in his mouth and he'll slowly reach up there, grab it with this thumb and fore-finger and pull it out then quickly shove his thumb in there. Sometimes he goes a little crazy and makes weird noises and shakes his head. This is the best pic I have so far.

 

I'm losing my hair!!!! My hair was great when I was pregnant, but the first time I brushed it after delivery it looked like someone seriously went in and chopped all my hair off. My bed was covered. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. You can't really tell by looking at me, but my hair is falling out. I knew it would get thinner after birth, but seriously??!! Every time I brush my hair, my brush is full. All throughout the day, I notice more and more hair just randomly falling out. I mean, yeah... I guess I lost the normal amount of hair before I got pregnant. I know people lose hair all day long, yadda yadda, but this is way more than I have ever lost in a day and it just continues every day. Its crazy. When it become noticeable, there's gonna be some screaming. Right now I'll just deal with it and say its normal. Hey, maybe its stress related. Who knows.

Lilly has a game today and the weather is suppose to be ok. She's only been able to have 2 games. Ok, the team has had 3 out of 7, but Lilly missed one cuz she was on spring break with her father.

Yesterday was kind of bland. I didn't do much. I didn't say much. I just sorta kept to myself at work. I just feel kinda down lately. Tired, rundown, blah, blah, blah.... but it'll pass, it always does. I'm always in such a good mood in the mornings, but as the day progresses, my mood changes. I think, that for my own Mother's Day gift to myself, I'm going to take the Monday after Mother's Day off...just to rest and/or get the apartment clean. We'll see. I doubt I will, but its a thought.

Zach hardly slept last night. It was crazy. 11:00, eat. 1:00, cry. 1:45, eat. 2:30, cry. 3:00, cry. 4:15, eat. 5:00, cough, cough, cough, sneeze, cry. 5:30, burp, cry. 6:00, cry until he found his thumb. So..yeah..I'm tired.

Lilly is going to be super helper today at school. Its where she gets to help out the teacher and always be first in line and all that stuff. She just HAD to make sure that she wore her Justin Bieber shirt today. Tomorrow is 50's day. Hubby's mom has a cute little poodle skirt for her and she'll wear just a plain white shirt or something. I wonder if I still have my poodle skirt. I had to wear one for a play or whatever it was at church back when I was 12. If I remember right, it was green. Anyway, for 50's day they let the kids go into the gym and dance for half an hour. I don't know what else they do. This summer at the Y they are having a flashback week. Monday will be 50's, Tuesday 60's and so on, so that'll be fun. Every week at the Y has a theme and they go on great field trips.

Summer is only a month and a half away and when I looked at my car this morning, it had frost on it!!! Come on, now! Are you serious with this stuff. Just last week, we were up in the high 80's and now we have frost??!!

Still job searching. Told hubby to look for me and he asked me if it was really that bad. Yes...yes it is.

Have you bought your book yet?

Finally got to watch the Today Show with Neil on it. I had to watch it online this morning cuz I didn't have any time yesterday to sit and watch any tv.

Lilly was suppose to have a game, but it rained. No one ever called me to cancel, but I wasn't going to let my 6 year old play in the rain and the cold. I hope they didn't go ahead and have the game. I'd feel bad for all the little kids who went.

Let's see how my 'diet' went yesterday.... for lunch I had a sandwich~strike one. When I got home I had a piece of candy~ strike two. For dinner I made enchiladas, which I put on a plate and ate with a fork. Funny how I came about to make dinner. I didn't have any clean pots and nothing was thawed. I didn't even have time to stand there and wash dishes last night. I just don't know where the time goes these days. I even missed out on giving Zach a bath last night. Before I knew it he was sleeping. I guess missing one day won't hurt anything. I just really like that clean baby smell. So, I was searching the freezer for what would thaw the quickest that wouldn't require any pots. I thought about jambalaya, but I didn't have all the right stuff and we had rice the night before anyway. I thought about tacos, but we didn't have any lettuce or tomatoes. I looked anyway to see if we had any taco seasoning and I found enchilada seasoning. Hmm.... I didn't have any ground burger, so I used ground deer even though we had deer the night before. I used 2 different sized shells, quickly washed out one pot for the sauce. Thankfully I did have some tomato sauce. That's what Lilly eats on her spaghetti, so I always try to keep it in stock. It took me quite a while to make them, but I managed and it turned out really good. (dinner being better than you expected...AWESOME) I was surprised. I really need to wash dishes tonight, I have let it go for 3 days now. I just don't understand where all the time goes........

Zach has this new cry. Its worse than his 'I'm in pain' cry. He screams and then in the middle of the scream, he screams even louder. Imagine how you would scream...now imagine it 10 times louder... that's Zach. He's only done this twice, so I'm not sure what's wrong. He'll do it for about 15 minutes and then he'll just stop. I've checked everything. I check his diaper, I give him Mylicon drops, I make sure the tape on his diaper isn't poking him, I check all his limbs to make sure they aren't bent the wrong way, I look in his mouth, I feel him to see if he's hot, he just ate so he's not hungry, he won't take a paci. We try rocking him, singing to him, pacing, toys, everything.... and he just screams. Then, out of the blue, he's done. I have no idea.

I'm still trying to figure out what kind of job I would like to have. I can't think of anything. I don't really want an office job. I don't know. Anyone have any suggestions? I open to suggestions. I don't want to work with food, I need a job that pays at least what I make now...so no minimum wage jobs or the mall or anything like that. I do like working with the public. I like working with my hands. I like moving around and being on my feet. It has to be a first shift job also. I can't go working evenings or midnights with the kids. I do miss my job at the Toyota plant. That job was fun, but it took time away from my family and my family is more important. Anyone have anything? I don't have a degree in anything. I will, one day, return to school and get something. I was going to college to become a high school Science teacher....kinda sad I missed out on that, but I'm happy for my reasons that I did. I was thinking about maybe going back and getting some kind of art degree.... or try to pursue my love of science. Anywho.........

 

If you haven't seen Neil Pasricha on the Today show yet, head over to their site and check it out. He's so smiley through the whole thing and its way better than the first time I saw him on tv. I forget which show it was but they wouldn't let him get a word in. What are you waiting for? Go. And if you haven't bought the Book of Even More Awesome, I highly suggest that you do. It is very awesome.

SQUEE!!!!

My little man is on 1000 awesome things. Took me half an hour to get the picture.

So, I finally received my much awaited Book of (Even More) Awesome and I couldn't be happier. I flipped through it last night and loved it. I even noticed a special something in the back. I have plans to go get more books of this one and the first one and tab some pages that I think my brothers would like and could really relate too. They are in need of a good pick me up and I believe these books will do the trick.

Ok, so my diet...... its not working. I'm too on the go to take the time out to sit and eat with utensils and a plate. I did cook last night, but I hate the deer steak while feeding Zach. I just poked it with a fork and started munching...I used a fork, it counts right? And then I put the rice on some bread and had a rice samich while playing with Lilly. I'm gonna try harder today.

Gas prices are up to $4.29 a gallon here. Luckily I have a full tank of gas.

Lilly's outfit yesterday... well, she liked it until she got home and took off those huge shoes. They were the shoes that went halfway up her leg, and her legs were black. She started freaking out. It was kinda funny. Needless to say, this is one outfit that I will not be sending her back to her father in. She will not be wearing this to school, unless of course I don't know about it. I should have taken a picture of her and her black legs. She said, "Did my shoes bruise my legs? They look like bruises!" I told her it was just the coloring in the fabric that rubbed off on her. "Is it ever going to come off?!!" I had to laugh a little.

Lilly has a ball game tonight, and its suppose to rain. It'll probably get canceled. I've been trying to get a picture of her on my phone during a game, but the zoom on my phone isn't all that great and she looks so tiny.

Signing Lilly up for day camp at the Y today. Its $225 just to register her! How crazy is that? They have a lot of great things planned this summer for the kids. Taking them to the bowling alley, skating rink, petting zoo, pool, to some caves, out to eat, and having a carnival. The very last day they have a food fight. Lilly has already said that she will not be in the food fight. She will watch, but won't participate. Last year a few of the kids got sick and threw up. I guess its really gross.

Oh, I stopped by the book store in the mall to take a quick peek at the Book of Even More Awesome yesterday, but they didn't have it. I was very disappointed. Why?! Why don't they have it?? I couldn't even find the first Book of Awesome there either. What's the deal? I'm going to have to file a formal complaint or something.
Zach has been doing great eating baby food and being spoon fed. He loved his carrots last week, but this week, we started on green beans.

And here's just a really cute picture I took of him right before bathtime. He is almost always smiling these days, I love it!!

Happy May!!!

My Book of (Even More) Awesome is suppose to be in my mailbox today when I get home!! How exciting is that??!!!!

Got a picture text from hubby's mom today showing me what Lilly wore to school... what her father put her in. Yeah..its really not school appropriate. I guess its ok for playing dress up or even going out to the store, maybe...but not school. She's wearing this pink leopard print long shirt with a tiny purple shirt over it. Big poofy, lacy, black skirt and shoes that go halfway up her legs. One~ don't put her in a skirt to play in at school. Two~ the weather isn't going to be very warm and its going to rain like crazy today. Sometimes I would just love to slap some sense into him. Yea, its a cute outfit, but its not for school. Ten bucks says that outfit isn't even hers, its her sisters.

Went to see my dad on Saturday. My step mom hasn't seen Zach since we were in the hospital, I think. Two of my brothers was there. They didn't say much. I tried to coax a conversation out of both of them, but I failed. One brother is very depressed. He was the main reason I went down there. I wanted to try to get him to talk to me without him knowing that I'm trying. I want him to want to talk to me. He's been going downhill for quite some time now. He opened up to my oldest brother. I think he was trying to open up to me on Easter, but I didn't pay any attention and was preoccupied with the kids. I feel bad now for not taking the time out to listen. I want to do something special for him. Staying at Dad's isn't helping. There's nothing to do there. All they all ever do is sit and watch tv. I need to get him and my other brother out of the house every once in a while and do something special with them. I don't really know what. The brother with the deep depression has a phobia of being around a lot of people. I don't know if its just a phobia if he's by himself or if its all the time. I need to be there for him. I need to find a way to help.

Ok, I didn't report on how my first day on the new diet went, so I'll do it now. Its harder than I thought it was going to be. Especially right after Easter when there's a bunch of candy in the house. So, yeah, I cheated. I ate candy. I ate pizza. The pizza was a late night dinner. It was Saturday after we came home from Dad's, Zach was super whiney and crying and I couldn't get in the kitchen to actually cook, so around 10 pm, I gave in and made a pizza. Friday, we had Chinese, (I also had Japanese for lunch) but I did put it on a plate...and ate with chopsticks. Cereal for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I made pork chops on the George Foreman grill. Very yummy. I did have a boiled egg for breakfast this morning. I just don't see how that could be worse than cereal. And I need to eat up all the Easter eggs or they will go bad. They probably are already bad. If I get sick today, we all know why. So, today I have planned to eat my yogurt here in about an hour and then around 1:00 I'll have some Progesso Light chicken vegetable rotini soup. Tonight I'm frying up some deer meat and onions. Fork and spoon!! Its harder than I originally thought it was going to be. I didn't realize how many things I ate with my hands. No more sandwiches, no Subway, no tacos, pizza is out....its crazy. I was beginning to be a big fan of Subway. I was eating there about once a week. I guess if I go, I gotta get the salad. Oh, Thursday for lunch I had a small chili and a baked potato from Wendy's. Its hard and its going to take some getting use to and way more self control.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I really don't want to work here. I know they are trying to improve me and train me to take over, but I really don't want to. This isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. This isn't what I want to do now. I want a better job. I want a physical job. I hate sitting at a desk all day. I hate not being physically busy. This is how I gained all this weight. I've gained 25 pounds since I started working here, and that was before the baby. This is my first 'sit down' job and I really hate it. I was born to move around. I was made to work. I was raised to work in a blue collar job. I need to get out of these computer chairs, flourescent lighting, confined inside jobs. **sigh** but I'm too much of a wuss to leave. I know my boss depends on me and honestly, I'm scared to leave. What if the next job doesn't work out? What if they go under? I'm not a fan of the 'what if' world. I took a risk a while back and it nearly broke me. I have no money to be risky now. I need to be financially stable. I need to know that my next job will be better and I will be safe, no chance of unemployment. I have that stability here. I know they won't let me go. I know I have a job to come to everyday, the pay could be much better, but I have a job. I hate my job and think I was made to do better things. I guess I'll just have a look around and see what's out there. I'm just not sure what to look for.

I should be able to try again for a house loan this week. I'm going to try on Friday. That gives me enough time to get all of our stuff together and its the only day that I really don't have anything to do here at work. I'll just hop downstairs and have a chat with the mortgage lady. Hopefully she'll give us the green flag. Our apartment is getting smaller and smaller everyday. I would love to have a bigger kitchen, two bathrooms so no one is doing the potty dance, separate bedrooms for obvious reasons, and a yard for the kids to play. We have none of that now. Zach is in the living room, Lilly is in our room, we have no yard, we have our stuff piled up everywhere cuz there's just no room to put any of it away and out of sight. I hate our kitchen, I have no space to do anything. I hate climbing those 30 stairs everyday with a baby in my arms. I hate the fact that Lilly doesn't have much room outside to play. I hate that I can't get her a swing set or a pool or have a place for her to ride her bike. We need out of there and we need out SOON!