3 Day Weekend is Over

Friday was a good day. I took the kids to day care and went home and slept and extra hour before I got up to go grocery shopping. Hubby gave me $200 to go get food for the house. I shopped and had great coupons. I got a lot of stuff and my total came up to $196.21!!  I'm good.

After my great shopping experience I headed out to the Y for the family picnic and kid talent show. It was interesting. There was a lot of dancers, a rapper, a group of girls singing, some kids 'break dancing,' a kid that did balloon animals, there was a lot of variety. Today is 50's day, I sent Lilly's poodle skirt to her father's on Friday. Lets hope he dressed her up.

Saturday was kind of a lazy day. Hubby went on a structure fire from 4 in the morning til 7:30. He hopped back in bed at 8 and didn't get up until 1 in the afternoon. I had the kitchen clean and laundry done by then. As soon as he got up he told me to get me and Zach read cuz we were going to a hospital to pick up a backboard for the fire station. We left and went to Wendy's where some fire fighters were set up to give away smoke alarms and a fire truck was there so kids could climb in it. We visited for a while and went back home. 5:00 hubby hopped back in bed and didn't get up until 8:30 and then he left to go pick up his 4-wheeler at his mom's house. I spent a lot of quality time with Zach yesterday with Dad snoring in the background.

Sunday we went four wheeling. How stupid can some people be? Seriously? These are suppose to be TRAINED search and rescue guys from the fire station. They kept running off by themselves and then we'd lose them. Two of them were drinking beer like it was water. One of the guys tipped his four wheeler and threw his wife off. We didn't find one of the guys that took off until we had given up on him and was heading back to our cars to wait for him. Not really that much fun.

Last night I felt so sick. I don't know what was wrong. I didn't really 'get' sick, but I felt sick. I felt hot and cold at the same time, my stomach was hurting like crazy and it had that feeling like I was going to throw up. Every time I closed my eyes the room felt like it was spinning. Zach started crying right after we I had laid down. I tried to get him, but as soon as I sat up, my head took off like a tornado and I couldn't stand up. I had to lay back down. Hubby finally offered to get him. He goes in there and turns a bunch of lights on just to make a bottle and then he turns the tv on to feed him. And then he couldn't figure out why he wouldn't go back to sleep....... um... yeah.

I love this first picure. I was trying to have a mini photo shoot with him on the porch, but he wasn't having any of it.

 

No sleep and really hot!

Why is it that I always get the most comfortable in bed when its almost time for me to get up?? I don't know what it is, but the sheets seem to be a bit softer lately, too. I was up and down all night with Zach and I never got completely comfortable until I went back to bed to get 10 more minutes in before my alarm went off. I felt like I was floating on a cloud in a cool dark cave... with hubby coughing in the background.

Dropped little man off at day care and then I had to drive past my work to take Lilly to grandma's. It tacked on an extra 20 minutes to my morning, but it led to my awesome thing for the day. **Watching airplanes take off from the airport** I've never been on a plane...I've never even been to an airport. The closest I came is when a certain rental car company picked me up and then, to save time, picked someone up at the airport too. I drove past it, but didn't get to see much. Lilly's been to the airport for field trips. Anyway...I was driving in the interstate, and I never do that unless I'm in a hurry. The airport here is just up the hill from the road I was on. While I was driving I got to see 2 airplanes take off. Now, these aren't the first ones I've seen take off and/or land, but today...it just seemed worth mentioning.

Hubby took off as soon as I got home with the kids yesterday to go to the hospital to visit his grandpa. He wasn't doing too well yesterday; his blood pressure was dropping dramatically. Hubby got home around 9:30 and he desperately needed some kid time. Both kids were asleep... until he came through the door. It was like Zach knew that Daddy wanted to see him. He woke up and they had some cuddle time while I took a shower. Hubby didn't talk about his grandpa until we were laying in bed. This is the only grandparent he has left, this is the one he wanted to name the baby after, and he lost his grandma just 2 years ago. Hubby's grandpa is 88 years old. I realized last night why hubby likes his job so much. His grandpa use to work at the same place. I should have known. That's almost all they would talk about. I'm still not 100% sure what the place does. I think its a chemical plant. Grandpa was a crane operator, hubby is a laborer, but has talked about trying to get a crane operator position.

Having a bad hair day today. I didn't really take much time with it and now its everywhere. Of course the humidity doesn't help much. Its been so hot! If I heard right, we reached 100 degrees yesterday. It was 98 when I left work at noon to find an ATM for my child support card. Poor hubby has to work outside in this heat. I remind him everyday to drink lots of water and seek shade whenever possible. Kinda super glad Lilly is at grandma's this week. I know grandma will make sure she has sunscreen on and drinks lots of water. I also know that she won't let her outside too long if its too hot or horribly sunny.

3 YEARS!!!!

Just got off the phone with Lilly. She's spending the week with her father and his family and she called me this morning crying. I got her calmed down after half an hour. I told her I'd call her back at noon.

 

Today is my 3 year anniversary. I can't believe its only been 3 years. We've had our ups and downs and hit some major bumps in the road, but we are doing great! Yeah, he annoys me sometimes and I get frustrated at some things he does, but that's normal. I love him to death. My awesome thing of today is **husbands** Ok, I know you just made a weird face and you might think I'm crazy, but let me explain. I'm not talking about ALL husbands cuz I know some aren't worth anything and won't do a thing for his wife and his family....so I'm excluding those kinds. I'm talking about the ones that does a bunch of little things for his wife. That holds doors open, gives her a hug when she needs some comfort, fixes her car, fixes dinner every now and then, lets her have the remote sometimes, talks to her about his day, rolls over in the middle of the night and puts his arm around her.... those kinds of guys.... or is my hubby the only one? No, he can't be.

He doesn't help out as much as I wish he would and sometimes he is just too glued to the tv or his phone, but he still does stuff. He always knows the right time to do things. I still get mad at him from time to time, but I get over it quickly.

Yesterday I was horribly upset over money. I came home crying cuz day care is trying to tell me I owe them more money than I do.... and I don't have the money. He knew enough to let me cry it out alone for while, then he came in and gave me a hug and asked if there was anything he could do. See.... just something as small as that means so much to me.

He's always supported me and stood by my side. Even when we first started dating and my great grandpa passed away. I thought it would be weird if he came to the funeral...but he insisted and I'm so glad he did. He was right there holding my hand the entire time and even ended up being a pallbearer. My grandma told me that she was so happy he came. We'd only been dating a couple of months.

The little things count. I think they are the things that count the most.

In preparation for my anniversary, I have put just a few of my wedding pictures up on flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/bekahbug04/ Yeah.... some are just random pictures, but there's a few wedding pictures thrown in there. You'll get your first glance at hubby.

School's over

Oh how time does fly. My little kindergartener is a camper now and in just a couple months she'll be a first grader!! Here's my awesome thing from yesterday **the last day of school** I remember being excited on the last day of school. I remember not doing anything, but hanging out and watching movies on the last day of school. Lilly's class had a birthday party for the kids who have birthdays during the summer then she had a water party at the Y. Today is the first day of summer camp. 

I had to leave work a bit early yesterday cuz Zach was sorta sick. Day care called me at 10 and said he won't stop crying and to give them ideas. I told them that he is uncomfortable cuz his allergies are kicked into high gear and he's tired. At noon they called me back to come get him. I got there and he was just laying there on a pillow looking at his hands. The teacher said, "I knew he'd make me out to be a liar!" I laughed. We went home, I gave him a bottle, some medicine and he slept for 4 hours.  

Came into work today and saw that I had an email from the big boss man at 2:50 to come see him. I was gone. I sent him back an email this morning. Cross your fingers for me that its something good and that I'm not going to get yelled at for something.

Why do guys act like they are dying when they are the slightest bit sick?? Hubby's allergies are hitting him and OMG, you'd think someone beat him up. He couldn't/wouldn't even sit up and give Zach his pacifier while I was cooking and filling up Lilly's pool. Reminds me of that Dayquil commercial where the guy is on the couch with a cold and calls for his girlfriend/wife to come hand him the remote and instead she hands him a box of Dayquil and the voice over says something like, "Dayquil even handles the man cold." That commercial is so true. Its like the world stops when a man is sick. You know, if I did what he does when I feel bad, the house would fall apart. I told him last night that now he knows how I felt a few months ago when I was pregnant and couldn't breathe and felt like crap, but couldn't take anything and he was making fun of me. And he said...get this... he said, "You didn't feel THIS bad." I said, "Bull! I felt like I was hit by a truck and someone was suffocating me while I was flying into the sun." "No, you could still get up and move around." "Dear...I had no choice. I don't get to lay around when I'm sick. I still have things to do. I'd love it if I could lounge on the couch when I have a headache or be able to stay in bed when my head is stuffy or be waited on hand and foot when I have a fever... like you do... but I can't. Nothing will get done. Remember when I just got home from the hospital and I couldn't walk very well and was in horrible pain... well... what did I do? I didn't lay there, I continued with the day. I took care of the baby and you and Lilly and no one took care of me. I tell you sometimes when I feel bad and all I want to do is rest, but you do nothing." And guess what he did.............. he got mad. (ok, so I can't really quote that big rant cuz I'm sure some words were different, but that's basically the gist of it.) I'm sorry men... I really am. I know how you feel when you are sick, but do you know how your lady feels when she is sick. Just like you, maybe worse. We're just not as dramatic as you are and we know that things need to get done. I'm sorry, but you're not 5 anymore.

(deep breathe) ok, I'm sorry for that rant. I just had to say it. Here's a friendly reminder to go to www.senotable.com Its not fully functional yet, but you could go check it out. Pre-register for it. Sign up. Its all free. When its up and running completely, you will be able to leave massages for loved ones and they will get these messages when you pass on. I know you can do it in email form, but I also believe that video will be an option too. When you pre-register for it, you will get an email about a week before its fully functional telling you that its almost time. I think its a great idea.

Fishing and parties

Friday we went out to eat with hubby's parents. We went to a little family dinner. Ya know, the food might have been a little pricey, but I can't remember the last time I was full from food at a restaurant. It was good food. I let Lilly order for me and she got the Chicken Parmesan. Sooo goooood. Zach slept long enough for us to eat. Hubby and his dad got a 9 oz steak smothered in onions. It looked real good.

Saturday we went to hubby's uncles camp. Lilly has been dying to go fishing, so we went up there. He has a nice little pond there with a dock and everything. Its a bit away from the house and we usually get there on the 4-wheeler, but we took hubby's cousin's truck there. My car wouldn't have made it. Lilly caught 3 fish!! It was one of those time I wish I would have taken my camera, but we left it at home. So that's one of my awesome things of this weekend. **Catching a fish** She even caught one before hubby did. I didn't fish, I was tending to Zach. He got to see his first fish. Lilly had lots of fun and Zach was good for the most part. His allergies started to kick in real bad this weekend. He has been coughing and wheezing and yesterday his nose started running. I've been giving him medicine and using the vaporizer at night and its been helping a bit. While we were at the camp, he was fine as long as he was outside.

Sunday we went to a birthday party. It was at one of those places with the inflatables indoors. I'm so glad it was indoors. The kids were running and playing so hard they were hot as it was, I couldn't have imagined how they'd do outside. It was hot and humid this weekend. So here's my next awesome thing **Air conditioning** After years of living without it, my last years in high school and the first year I moved out on my own, and then getting air conditioning....I'd never go back to not having it. Here's a few pics I got. One of Lilly and one of the birthday girl. I couldn't get any good pics with my phone, they were moving so fast and were blurry. I did get some really great pics on hubby's sister's camera.

 

After the bday party, we went out to eat at Friday's with hubby's cousin, his wife and their kid. Zach was so tired, all he did was cry and fuss. I had hubby order my food for me while I was tending to Zach, and it was kinda gross. He got the Chicken Piccata Pasta for me and it tasted like vinegar. I had to keep taking Zach outside cuz that's the only place he would stop crying. We got home and I took him and Lilly for a walk and then when we got home, Zach took a bottle and crashed.

Today is Lilly's last day of school. She is so excited. The YMCA is having a water party today after school, so that's exciting too. My little girl is growing up, moving on the first grade. I can't believe it. I don't think they are going to do much today.

I'm going to try to get the kids hand and feet prints tonight while hubby's at his meeting. I might just do Lilly's and try to get Zach's this weekend in the morning. He's always more cooperative in the morning. Took Lilly to Wal mart on Saturday and we picked out 2 shirts for hubby for Father's Day. Lilly got him one that says "Greatest Dad' and I got one from Zach that says, "New Dad 2011" So Saturday before Father's Day while we have Lilly we are probably going to give him the stepping stones and then Sunday ON Father's Day me and Zach will give him the shirts while Lilly's gone. Lilly will be gone for a week. That's usually the week I take vacation since its our anniversary, but I'm not this year. Hubby can't so I won't. I was thinking about taking our anniversary off, though. Hubby's sister is wanting to take the kids to the little theme park we have nearby sometime this month, but I told her it depends on what the Y is doing that day. I'm paying that much money for Lilly to go and I don't want her to miss anything fun. I know the week hubby's sister is wanting to go is the week the Y is doing a carnival and pony rides.

I can't recall who it was on http://www.1000awesomethings.com/ but one of the commenters had a link on their name to their blog and it gave me an idea. Here's their blog I wrote hubby an email telling him how lucky I was to have him and gave him a small list of thank you's for some little things he does for me. I don't know if he's read it yet or not, but my guess is that he did. He didn't say anything about it, but he was helping me out more this weekend. It was nice to have that little bit of extra help. All of this is just helping me on my journey to lose my depression. It seems to be working, writing hubby a little note and making it a point to find at least one awesome thing a day.... I think its working. I did have a good weekend, but it caught up with me on Sunday for a bit.

Oh and I don't know if I mentioned it yet or not, but the house that was my first pick is sold now. It is still empty and that's what we were going by, but the guy that bought it lives in Delaware or something and he's still trying to sell that house and can't move in to the new house yet.

Relay is Friday!!

Maybe tomorrow will be better

Hubby's birthday didn't go as well as I had hoped. I guess he really doesn't like his birthdays, he always acts...weird. I kinda feel bad about his gift too. He was expecting a game system cuz that is what it kind of looked like, wrapped up like it was. I am planning on getting him either a PS3 or an Xbox for Christmas this year, but that's Christmas. I always try to make Christmas way bigger than birthdays. I got him a blu-ray player for his birthday. We have no where to put it right now. I got him 2 movies.... he didn't seem to care. I kept trying to figure out what to do for his dinner, but it was hard to do. He wouldn't tell me what he wanted and he went to a wake of an old church friend. I tried to make his day great, but I couldn't. I should have planned something to do this weekend. Maybe I'll try to do something for him Saturday before his niece's dance recital. Next year I'll have to do something real big cuz he'll be turning 35.

My birthday is on a Monday this year and he has his meetings at the fire station on Mondays. I don't want anything and don't expect much. It'd be nice to just hang out as a family. Rent a movie or something and get some pizza maybe. Our anniversary is also in a couple weeks. I told him not to buy anything. We'll just be together that day. Its on a Tuesday this year. Maybe send the kids somewhere and we can have a date night alone. I haven't been to the movie theater in forever, so that would be nice.

I forgot Lilly's ball picture. I have written a note to get it for tomorrow. Here's a pic of my babies I took yesterday. Note the wet pillow where Zach drooled. I got some good pictures of them on my other camera. There's one that looks like this one and another where they are looking at each other. I love it!

So, I think next time I go to the doctor I'm going to ask about postpartum depression. I believe I have it. Either that or just plain ol' regular depression. I hope I'm not bipolar. Mom is. I have just been feeling really different lately, not like myself. I don't enjoy doing anything anymore. I don't like being around people anymore. If something goes slightly wrong I blame myself and feel like I've let everyone down. I'm so tired all the time and have no energy to do anything, although that could just be lack of sleep. I can't sleep, even when Zach doesn't wake up, I do. I'm restless at night. I get up, check on the kids, walk around the house for a bit and go back to bed. I do this about 4 or 5 times a night. I just.... I just want to feel like myself again. Even if I just have someone to talk to, that would be better. This blog helps me out a bit. I get to express myself and say what's on my mind, but I don't let everything out. I need to be able to vent and talk and have someone just listen. I want to be able to talk about my problems without making someone else mad or sad or having someone change the subject on me or having someone try to make everything about them or being told, "I told you so," or anything like that. I just need someone to talk to and for them to listen without judging. I want to go to a professional...... but I can't afford it.

Found out yesterday that the house that was our first choice is indeed sold. So that's out. We'll keep looking.

Monday again.........

I finally broke down last night and told hubby some stuff that has been bothering me. I don't mean I broke down as in I caved, or I gave in...no I broke down. Hysterical crying, high pitched sobs....all of it. I told him how stressed out I've been, how extremely tired I am, how much I worry about money, how I miss talking to my mom, how much he's NOT at home, how much I need his help, and how I just feel helpless sometimes and how I feel like I'm suppose to be able to do everything and I feel horrible when I can't. The talk didn't really accomplish anything, but at least its out there. He did tell me that he has been feeling like he should be doing more, which sorta made me more upset. If he felt like he should be helping me out, then why hasn't he? There are so many little things that he could do and it would help out tremendously.

He still believes that we can afford a house. I don't really see how we can when we are broke now. I can barely afford day care for the 2 kids and put gas in my car due to the health insurance that is taken out my paychecks. I need a raise, a good one, for this to work out and me not worry so much. He said that he knows that part of my frustration is because of the small apartment, and he's right. I hate it there. I like the location of our place, its very convenient and there are no big hills to go over to get to the main road during winter, but its just too small for us. I don't have any room to put anything away, the kids don't have a bedroom of their own, I can't even find the dinning table right now cuz there's so much crap piled on it. Our love seat is full of stuff too, that's where I put the car seat when its not in use among other things. Lilly's toys are strewn about the bedroom. I've tried putting them in boxes, but she keeps getting more toys and I have no more room for boxes. She even has some under her bed. I feel bad for her cuz she can't access all of her toys and there are even a bunch of toys in my storage building that she hasn't seen in years.

Zach was talking up a storm yesterday. I recorded some of it on my phone, but I can't send any of it so I can't share it on here. So cute though. He was babbling for hours. It started while we were watching wrestling and continued all the way through a movie. We had a good weekend with him. He wasn't too fussy and was very smiley. We went out Saturday to Outback and he was an angel. Love their Bloomin' Onion...mmmmmmmmmm. Zach was sucking on hubby's thumb, I got a pic. We even had him pounding on the table and he was laughing so much.

Lilly should be back from her zoo trip with her father, but I won't see her until Wednesday. I'm being nice and letting him keep her a couple extra days. I hope she had fun. I didn't call during their trip to check up on her cuz I didn't want to interrupt any fun that they were having. I'm sure if something went wrong, if she was sick or wanted to call me or something like that, he would have called me. I'm going to text him today to check up on her.

Took Zach yesterday to get Easter candy and stuff. Lilly's getting some candy, a Wii dance game, a baseball that comes back to you (its on a string) and a baseball washcloth. Zach is getting no candy...ok I might throw one or two suckers in there, an outfit that says Happy Easter, 3 jars of baby food, 2 toys, 2 books and some ready made formula bottles. He hasn't had baby food yet and I figured its time to start him out. I had him eating some rice cereal this weekend. He wasn't too happy about it. He's almost 3 months. That's about when I started Lilly out. Baby food and rice cereal is way cheaper than formula. We replaced 1 full bottle yesterday with the cereal and 1/2 of another.

Today we are having a 31 fund raiser here at the bank. If you would like to buy something let me know in the comments and I will post a link. Part of the money spent will go to the American Cancer Society. Here's a site.... http://www.mythirtyone.com/  This site isn't for the fund raiser, its not a link to our host, its just the main site, so if you'd like to help us out, lemme know. Its all purses and tote bags and lunch totes and such.

RAIN!!!

My office building flooded a bit on Friday. It rained and rained and was so horrible. The wind was crazy. Our garage elevator shaft was pouring the rain and our stairs were a waterfall. The second floor got it pretty bad, they need their carpet replaced.

Hubby left for his search and rescue class Friday and I worried all weekend about him being out in that crazy rain and all the storms we had all weekend. He was sleeping in a tent. He's fine though.... his dad got sick. He hasn't told me much about the trip, but what he did tell me.........it sucked.

Lilly had practice on Saturday. I got the kids up, showered and bathed them, fed them, and then we went to hubby's mom's house to give her some pictures. Then we went to a ball field to watch my nephew for a bit and then it was time to go to Lilly's practice. I took Zach, it rained. We all got soaked, except for Zach of course. He had it made. He got the umbrella and a nice ride in the stroller away from the mud. He loved it. He was back to his normal happy self on Saturday too. I could tell he was feeling much better.

Sunday I tried looking for yellow baseball socks for Lilly and couldn't find any. Zach was getting fussy so we stopped by my grandma's house........

Hubby came home yesterday and you could tell Zach was so happy to see him. It was so cute to see. He even got his first ride on a 4-wheeler...... just from the driveway into the garage.

Lilly's first game is today, unless she gets rained out. Its going to storm again today. She leaves this Saturday to go to a zoo with her father and he brings her back on Wednesday, but she decided she wants to spend the night with grandma, so I won't see her until Thursday evening of next week. That's just one week without seeing her, but it always feels like forever.

I know this entry is a bit unorganized and kinda short and scattered, but I'm just not into it today.

Parties, Practice, Pictures, and Pain

Busy, busy weekend..... did I say busy? I meant hectic.

Friday, I left work a bit early to get my bubby, drove him to a tattoo place to get his tattoo.... looks good, btw. That took about 45 minutes altogether. Then I made him go to Walmart with me so I could get decorations for Lilly birthday party and a few more things. Then I drive him back home. 2 minutes before I drop him off I get a text from hubby for me to come home now. (he had both the kids and I was worried about him having both, I didn't think he could handle it) At this time I realize what time it is and I know Zach is screaming his head off cuz that's just what he does everyday around 7:00 pm. So I hurry and drop off my bubby and try to rush home, but its Friday at 7 and there's a lotta traffic. You can only go as fast as the car in front of you. Hubby sends me another text, "NOW" I tell him I'm hurrying and asks him what's wrong to make sure it isn't anything BIG. He sends me a pic of Zach crying. I finally make it home, Zach has calmed down a bit. I take him and he goes right to sleep. Then I spend the next half an hour spending time with Lilly before I send her to bed. Then I wash bottles, get Lilly's gifts wrapped and put together the goodie bags for the kids.

Saturday after getting up 3 times with Zach, I get up at 6:30 with Lilly. She has ball practice at 11:15, so I gotta get her fed, Zach fed and bathed, both of them dressed, the diaper bag packed, wake up hubby, and go drop Zach off to hubby's sister's house cuz its too cold to take him to the field and we both wanted to go to her first practice. IT WAS SO COLD!!! She had a lotta fun though and she did really well. She's got a good arm on her and she can hit the ball, its just catching that she needs work on, really. She knows one boy on her team from the Y. One girl showed up in sandals. Practice was over at 12:15.

We go to Burger King for a quick bite then we head off to Walmart to get her cake, chips and dip and some pop... oh and candles. Hubby wanted the ones that doesn't blow out.... Then we go to Dollar Tree for some helium balloons, plates, cups, forks and spoons.

Its 1:30 when we get outta there and we head to the Y to start setting up for the party. We have tables to set up, chairs to get out, balloons to blow up, streamer to put up and a giant bowling set to inflate. Lilly's little boyfriend shows up and her best friend from the Y shows up. Then one girl from school and her little brother show up.... and their mom just drops them off and leaves!! Um.... excuse me? I'm not your babysitter. The mom comes up and tells me the kids names and then says, "Its over at 5, right?" I say yes. She then turns around and leaves and then the kids look at me and tell me their hungry. I'm not really serving any food... just cake and chips and ice cream. Who does that?

Lilly's party went well though. They played bowling, basketball, hot potato, and they bounced bouncy balls and played with a beach ball. Lilly loved everything she got. Then it was clean up time. I couldn't hardly get it all in my car. But by the time we got home we were all so tired, but I had to start laundry and try to get some of her stuff put away. Lilly played her Wii games and listened to her CD's and then I put her to bed while watching her new movie. Lilly fell out of bed that night and I got up 3 times with Zach.

I get up at 6:00 with the kids. 8:00 I put Lilly in the shower. 8:30 hubby starts complaining he's in pain. His kidney stone is bothering him. He ends up getting sick and can't move. So... I get the kids ready, diaper bag packed and I call hubby's sister to come get the kids. Me and her have an appt with all the kids to do pictures at noon. Hubby's sister calls her mom and tells her that I'm taking hubby to the hospital.

So we get there and I get his insurance card out of his wallet and they call for him. I hand him his card and his wallet to go register. I go to get a pop, I watch a bit of tv, I text some people.... and I notice that its been a really long time since he went to register. I walk up to the windows where he would have been and he's not there. I wait a bit longer thinking he might be somewhere getting weighed and whatnot. I finally give up and ask a nurse what happened to him. "Oh I was just going to come get you... we put him in his room." Um......... ok. I haven't seen him in like 30 minutes.

I get back there and he's just standing there in the corner like a little kid. Shortly after, his mom comes in. I stay for about 45 minutes, but then I had to leave. I felt bad for leaving him, but he knew I had to.

The place we go to for the pics... they are incredible. They worked so fast and was so great with the kids. The pictures turned out better than I had expected. The entire thing only took an hour, taking the pics, looking and picking out what we wanted.... then 20 minutes later, they were ready to take home. They did such an excellent job. Hopefully tomorrow I'll remember to bring the pics and scan some onto my computer and share on here.

After the pics, I go back to the hospital and hubby and his mom are both in a bad mood. Hubby was on pain meds and wanted to sleep but his mom wanted to talk so that lead to fighting. I got there and sat quietly in the corner letting hubby sleep and I guess his mom got the hint cuz after about 5 minutes of trying to have a conversation with me, she finally was quiet too.

I was there an hour and they let him go home. They didn't really do anything. I was hoping they would go ahead and take out the kidney stone..but they just told him to keep his scheduled surgery and go then.

I drop off hubby and go get the kids and look at the pics. Then I take the kids to the fire station for a retirement party for one of the firemen. Hubby meets us there. We eat, we party, fun was had by all. Then we go home and I have to finish laundry, wash dishes, take a shower, get Zach calmed down and asleep, have a fashion show with Lilly so she can try on all her new clothes and get her backpack and the diaper bag packed for the next day. Halfway through laundry hubby wanted me to rest. I've been on the move since Friday and I've been stressed just as long... but I couldn't stop... things needed to be done. The apartment is still a mess cuz I didn't get laundry folded or all the dishes washed and Lilly's birthday presents are still sitting in the middle of the floor. 

Today I am exhausted and still a bit aggravated. I've had 3 cups of coffee so far and I can still put my head down and take a nap..... if I had time.

12 days 'til Christmas

We went to the bank on Saturday to sign our papers for the application for the loan, and the mortgage lady was a no show. I was kinda upset about that. We've been trying for 2 years to get a house and just when we think we have it, its delayed just that much longer.
Hubby took me out to pick my Christmas present. He wanted to get me a gun, but he wanted me to pick one out that I like and feel comfortable with. I picked out a .380, all black. I'm not a big fan of the grip, though. Its a bit rough on my hands, but its the one I liked the most. He still has to wrap it up. Even though I know what it is, I still want to unwrap it.
Got all of Lilly presents from Santa wrapped up and hidden away. They are hidden in plain sight, but she'll never see them. I put them in 2 big black trash bags and just placed them in our closet. She is so use to seeing bags and stuff in there, she won't pay any attention. I'm making her doll house be from us. I want that to be the very last thing she opens. Ok...no... open the doll house and then the rooms. I still haven't gotten my hands on the nursery for the babies the house comes with. I have the living room, dining room, family room, big sister's room, and the laundry room. I almost had the kitchen, but it was broken.
Christmas dinner at the fire station went ok. Food was great, but some people are just so stupid. Santa was there for the kids and so was the Grinch in a santa outfit. That was pretty cool. We heard jingle bells and its usually Santa, so all the kids were getting excited and standing in their seats, eagerly looking at the door. Some green fuzzy fingers came around the door frame and over half of the kids started freaking out. When the Grinch came through the door, the kids were hiding and crying. They eventually got over it and got pictures with him. Santa came in shortly after. The picture is hubby's mom, sister and his youngest nephew with the Grinch. See the death-grip he has on his mom? I just really wanted to show you how awesome the costume looked.
Sunday we went to one of hubby's nephew's birthday party and Santa was there too. Hubby's sister made me sit in Santa's lap. Kinda awkward.
School are closed today cuz we got a really good snow storm last night. I'm surprised I came to work. I didn't sleep at all last night, ok maybe 3 hours. I just couldn't get comfy, I couldn't breathe, I was paranoid that hubby wasn't going to wake up in time, and I could hear our neighbor out there plowing our side road every half an hour. I slept from 11-12:30, 2-3, 4-5. I'm exhausted. So hubby had to get up early to plow snow at his work, and then I finally get out of bed. (Oh, not to forget the phone calls and text messages at 4 am to tell me that school is on a 2-hour delay and then closed) I look outside and the main road just looks so bad. Usually I would call my boss right there and tell her I'm not coming in and then crawl back into bed. I don't know if it was my lack of sleep so I wasn't thinking straight or if I had convinced myself that it wasn't that bad cuz the snow was powdery, but I came to work. I went out there, cleaned my car off and ventured on. The roads were slick as all get out. I'm such a coward when it comes to bad roads. I've been in 2 really bad wrecks where I totaled my cars, so I get paranoid when it comes to certain things. But I made it to work and that's all that matters right now. Lilly made it to the Y just fine and I get her back today.
Been having contractions more often. I can't really feel any pain when it happens, but my stomach is tightening up and that's what the doc said to watch for.
Yesterday I had to listen to 4 other women talk about giving birth and how the hospital handled it. They were telling me like I didn't know, like I've never done this before. It was kinda making me mad. I know how my hospital handles things, that why I picked that one and not the one closer to home. No, I don't want people back there during delivery, I want it to just be me and hubby. (My mom wasn't happy about that decision) I know all about the drugs they give out and who is allowed back after delivery. I know all of it, but OMG, they had to tell me like I didn't. I don't really like talking about stuff like that. I don't really like talking about my pregnancy anymore. I don't want to talk about how everyone else's delivery went. I don't want to talk about anything anymore. I am so wore out on talking about those things. Its the same questions with the same people. When's your due date? You have a name picked out yet? Who's gonna be in the delivery room with you? (oh and I hope hubby's mom realizes that she's not invited in either) How much weight did you gain? Who is your doctor? (they ask that like they know every OB-GYN in the state) Have you been craving anything? Is he moving a lot? Can I feel him? My first pregnancy, I hated it when people touched my tummy... especially without even asking, but this time it doesn't bother me as much for some reason. People still don't ask, they just do it. I don't mind putting my thoughts and what not on here, cuz I'm sorta documenting what is going on. I don't mind telling people the answers to their questions, but I just don't want to do it every time I see them when they ask the same questions and make the same comments. That's one of the reasons I don't really like seeing my family anymore, cuz that's all they will talk about. Yes, I'm pregnant... can we all just move on now? My mom is the worse. I try to tell her stuff and confide in her, but she's like, "Yep. You just wait." She treats me like I'm stupid sometimes. Its gotten to the point where I hate talking to her over the phone. I was trying to tell her the other day when I am planning on coming down to celebrate Christmas and she was acting like I wasn't going to come cuz of the snow. When I try to talk to her about Lilly, she just makes these little comments that I could really do without. I don't know what happened to her. I use to be able to talk to her about just about anything... not anymore.

16 days 'til Christmas

Sleep wasn't really that much better. I did only get up 3 times, though. Had some more odd dreams. Mostly about the baby.
We finally got our tree up and decorated. When me and Lilly got home yesterday hubby was putting the lights and garland on. Lilly then decorated the entire tree by herself and she did a great job. I had to leave to go to the dollar store to get some more hooks though. Hubby called me while I was in line to tell me he just found a bunch. So now we have extra. I was getting the thought that we needed to get some bulbs that matched. Like all red and gold, or blue and white, or purple and silver or something, but seeing the tree last night and everything we have to put on it and just the way it looked....it was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for a thing. We have a lot of personalized ornaments ~things I made when I was a kid, things Lilly has made, things we bought that have a lot of meaning. Hubby's ornaments he made when he was a kid are still hanging on his parents tree. My mom gave me all of mine when I moved out. We do have a snowflake with "2008" on it cuz that was our first Christmas as a married couple, Lilly has a couple that says "Baby's First Christmas 2005," I have a really old Santa that belonged to my great grandma, there are fireman ornaments, Dora ornaments, Princess bulbs, angel sun catchers...I love them all. I think I am going to make it a tradition to get at least one new ornament a year that best defines that year. Like this year, I could get something about a starting school for Lilly. Next year I'm getting a "Baby First Christmas" for this little one. Then the year after that I can get a family ornament with all 4 of our names on it or something. I even let Lilly wrap the first presents and put them under the tree. She wrapped my mom's and my step dad's. She did a fairly good job. I let her do it all by herself. All I did was cut the paper the right size and hand her the tape. She was so excited that she got to do it herself and that we have something under the tree already.
Hubby keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and honestly I have no idea. I would like a new purse, but that's something you don't send a guy after. He would end up getting me the ugliest and least useful purse ever. He did say something about getting me a hand gun. I told him I'd really like to have a .25, but a .22 will do. Then he started talking about purses with the hidden pocket on the back for the gun. I'm excited about it. I told him that I already have planned out what I'm getting him for his birthday and Christmas for the next 3 years, he thought I was crazy. They are things that he has casually asked for but never really said he wanted, if that makes any sense. I have a good memory when it comes to things like that.
Lilly goes to her father's today and I won't see her until Monday. I'm already sad about it. We did have a great time together. I finally got to do stuff with her on a weekend. It was great. We did so much. We went to a parade, we visited family, we went shopping, we went to parties, I took her to a friend's house so she could play, she got to play in the snow for a little bit, we put the tree up, she wrapped presents, she got to see Santa and tell him what she wanted, she got to see more of her friends on a Saturday and they had breakfast together and made ornaments.. we really had a great time. She is going to miss the fire fighter Christmas dinner with Santa and her step-cousin's birthday party cuz she will be with her father.
I was invited again to watch the dress rehearsal of The Nutcracker this year. I though about bringing Lilly, but I'd have to leave work, go get her, come back to the city, but get her back home in time for bed cuz she has school the next day. Hubby said he'll be working late all next week so I can't really go cuz no one will be home for Lilly and I don't want to have her out so late on a school night. If I left in time to get her to bed at bedtime, we wouldn't get to see much.
Weather was cold this morning, but the snow has stopped. It was 16 degrees outside when I got to work. Even though it was colder than yesterday, I wasn't really that cold today. I wore a short sleeve shirt. The temperatures are suppose to warm up in the 40's this weekend and its going to rain. No more snow until later next week.

Its Almost Christmas!

This is gonna be another long one.
Haven't gotten my decorations yet, it snowed and mom wouldn't come out and meet me. I can't load my car myself, I was in need of my brothers. Why have so many brothers if you can't use them from time to time? If the tote wasn't so heavy, I would have done it myself, but I'm afraid if I lift anything over 10 pounds, the baby is gonna pop out. Hubby said he would go today after work and pick it all up. I'm so excited to get the tree up.

I did get registered for my baby shower at a few places. I did it all online so it saved me the time of walking around the stores and driving to the stores. I registered at Sears, Walmart, and Target. There are some really cute things on there. Hubby's sister found this one bedroom suite for the baby that was all in fire trucks. So cute. I also discovered that I am a big fan of the blue and brown stripes/stars. Found a lot of things I didn't even know existed and a lot of things I didn't have with Lilly when she was a baby. One is a bottle warmer. Never knew of such a thing. I just did it the old fashioned way. One of the bottle warmers came with a pacifier sterilizer. How cool is that? I also found some wipe warmers. I wish I had that with Lilly. She wasn't born during the winter though, but it is still kinda cold in March when she was born.

We probably got about 2 inches of snow so far. We got a lot, then it melted, then it snowed some more.
Saturday, I took Lilly to the YMCA for breakfast with Santa. We ate pancakes, she got her picture, she did a craft and we left. Then, we went to the city for the big parade. It started at 10 and ended at 11:15. That was the first time I saw the city's parade. It was something. We parked at my work and walked a block to mall toward the beginning of the parade. She got cold, so we went in the mall and I got her some gloves and earmuffs before it all started. She got a lot of candy and had a lot of fun. But as the parade went on, the temperature kept dropping. She ended up with my jacket too by the end of it all and I let her keep it to walk back to the car. The first snowflake fell right as the last float went by. Talk about good timing!

After the parade we went to my grandma's to drop off my nephew's winter coat I bought him for Christmas. My uncle was there so I was going to have him go to my storage building with me, but I forgot my keys. Then I took her to K-Mart to pick out a toy for the birthday party on Sunday and the toy for the gift exchange at school...oh, and her Christmas dress. Its so cute. The dress she picked out is red velvet with white trim on the sleeves and on the bottom. It came with a little black belt too. Kinda like a santa dress. I'm gonna let her wear her snow boots with it since they are black.

Sunday, me and Lilly attempted to clean out her toys. I gave her these options~ Leave them out, put them under the bed in a storage tote, put them in the storage building to sort out later for yard sale or keep. I was trying to make room for the stuff she's getting on Christmas, but you can't even tell we did anything. I did get it better organized though and I think I may have made just enough room for the doll house. Then me, her and hubby took off to Walmart. We went in, got just a few things and went back out. My rear tire was flat on my car. So, we sat and waited for hubby's dad to show up with sealer and an air pump. We then went straight to the birthday part at the fire station community building. Instead of a cake, they make cupcakes that looked like ladybugs. The mom of the 2 year old made them. Hubby then left to finish working on my car, he said he pulled out two big pieces of metal out of the tire. Then some drama went down at the party with the family, but I won't put that out there. After the party, we head to hubby's parent's house just to hang out. They have their tree up and it looks real good.

My tire isn't flat today....yet. I forgot the air pump at the house. Tomorrow we should be able to decorate and put our tree up. I have no idea when I'm gonna go get hubby's last present, the back rack for his 4-wheeler. Its a gift that I'm gonna make from Santa, so I can't take Lilly with me, but I can't go get it until next pay day, which is on the 15th. I have Lilly that week and weekend. And I can't really go get it unless hubby's not gonna be home so I can just wrap it instead of trying to find a place for it to hide. I think I could just tell Lilly its from us and make something smaller from Santa so I can take her with me. I'm gonna have to probably take one of my brothers to carry it for me and get it up my steps.

My hopes of getting a house before Christmas is not gonna happen. Hubby hasn't made it to the bank yet to update his info. Even if he makes it this week, I don't see us getting the loan and getting everything settled so quickly. Yeah, it would be nice to celebrate Christmas in our new house, but as long as we have a bigger place before the baby comes, I'm ok. There's just no way we can have enough room for the 4 of us in that apartment. Its a tight squeeze as it is.

Had a doc appt Friday. Everything is fine. Blood pressure it 122/78. With Lilly my blood pressure was so high the doc's were worried. Maybe this low number has something to do with me not smoking this time. I told the doc about my pains and she said that he is head down now and that's why its hurting to walk. He has lodged himself right there between my hips. I can feel him elbow my hips every now and then. I didn't have any of this pain with Lilly, that's why I have been so worried. I need to stop comparing. But yes, he is head down. I think I am a week further along than the doc said. Everything is happening a week earlier and at 18 weeks he was a week heavier than he should have been. So, I'm taking things into my own hands and moving my due date from January 20 to January 13..... if I make it that long.

Whew!!!

Thursday...........sucked. I didn't get to see any of my family. Spent the whole day with hubby's family. He doesn't get it. He hasn't gone a holiday without his family yet, but I do it almost every time. I hate it.
Friday was good. I got everything I intended on getting and then some. It rained, it snowed, it was cold...but really hot in the stores. It didn't seem as crowded this year as it was last year. We only waited in the check out line at Target for one hour this year instead of two. We did make a plan and a route, but it all went down the drain due to my bff's forgetfulness. The stuff I wanted at Walmart all went on sale at midnight and she thought that her stuff didn't go on sale until 5...but her's did indeed go on sale at midnight too. So, here's how things went....
We started out at the Walmart next to my house, I got an excellent parking spot almost right in front of the doors. I grabbed the things I wanted, but was short one toy cuz the shelf was empty so I grabbed the next best thing. We ended up in a short line and then a lady in the line next to ours put her toy back that was the one I originally wanted, so I grabbed it up and put the other one down. How awesome is that?! (I got Lilly a Littlest Pet Shop playhouse, a Squinkie playhouse, some extra Squinkies, two winter coats and I don't remember what else) So, we head off to the major shopping area a few miles away. We drive close to Target and see the line is already horrible and the store doesn't open for another 3 hours and its raining. We get ready to park, but then a lightbulb went off in my bff's head and she grabbed for Walmarts ad. Then she started freaking out.
So, off to the other Walmart close to Target we went to try to see if any of her stuff was still there........ it wasn't. We left and went back to Target and sat there in the car to make a plan. When it was almost time to open the doors, we went to get in line. It took us probably 45 minutes to get IN the door. We went even halfway to the doors yet and there was people that was already leaving with their stuff. They got in, got what they wanted...... 9 out of 10 times it was a tv.....and they left. Finally after getting drenched and freezing we made it inside. I ran to the housewares to secure her George Foreman grill while she went to the bathroom. I don't really even remember what we got at Target. I think I got some candy but I'm sure I got something else. OH....hubby's mom wanted me to pick something up for her there since she was still stuck at Walmart. And I know I got something else..oh well......moving on. After we wait in line for only an hour, we head off to Michael's for some good deals. I got a 100 piece art set and a couple paint things for real cheap. My whole order was less than $4. Then, off to K-mart...I think.
I got Lilly a bunch of clothes at K-Mart cuz they were having the best sale. I got the baby some socks too. Then we went to Gabriel Brother's where I didn't get anything, but my bff did. Then to Dollar Tree where I found Lilly a dream catcher. I usually get my picture frames there, but I didn't know how many I needed and since they are always a dollar, I will get them later. Then to Big Lots where my bff found her big picture frame collage and I got Lilly some Hot Wheels cars. Then we went to Dollar General and picked up a few things and went out to eat. By this time my phone was dead. After we ate we headed to Magic Mart then to the mall. Wait...somewhere in there we stopped by a Rite Aid cuz they were having an excellent sale on their wrapping paper..... buy one get 2 free! Then off to the mall and back to Walmart next to my house...then home. It was about 4 pm when I got home. Charged my phone and went out to dinner with hubby's mom and sister. I started my day on Thursday at 7 am and ended my day on Friday at 9pm. There's only one more thing I really want to get and that's a rear rack for hubby's 4-wheeler. Might still get Lilly some things. If I find the right doll house, I'll get it for her and maybe a couple movies and a wii game. She doesn't really have a BIG present this year yet, so I'll be keeping my eyes open for that.

So, hubby went out hunting while I was out shopping. He came home broken. He jumped out of his tree stand and twisted his ankle. Its all purple and swollen and probably sprained or fractured or something, but he won't go see a doctor. I went with him Saturday evening to drop off the deer, we went home and got cleaned up then went out to Friday's to eat. We were going to go see a movie, but we had so much time left, we went to Walmart so he could take a look around. He rode on one of those motorized wheel chairs. We fought all night with the crutches. When we made it back to the car, I decided he should just go home and prop his foot up with some ice and he couldn't argue....I was driving.

My cousin is ok. She got to go home on Thursday and is on bed rest.

I know this is long, but a lot happened... :-)