Thursday, June 23, 2011

Growing up

I use to want to be a lot of things growing up. I remember in the fifth grade, I wanted to be a professional ice skater, even though I had only been skating once. In middle school I wanted to be a psychologist, a storm chaser, a parapsychologist, a writer and a painter. I didn't start painting until high school, though. In high school I wanted to be a teacher, a pediatrician, a writer, a psychologist, a scientist, a photographer, and in an orchestra. I played the flute in middle school and was damn good at it, but I couldn't continue in high school cuz my mom wouldn't let me do after school practice. I had started writing in middle school and was great at that too. After much consideration, I decided to go to college to major in Education and Biology. I was ready. I was on my way to becoming a teacher... but then my scholarship wouldn't let me take a leave of absence to give birth to Lilly. They said that having a kid didn't count as medical leave.... UM....what? I fought it. Man, did I fight, but in the end, they won. So I dropped out after 2 semesters.
Going to college full time, having a full time job and being pregnant is very hard work..but I managed. I was on my way to having a career and a family. But it all came crashing down when I was told I couldn't continue with my scholarship. (I think they've changed the rules since then, too)
All my life I wanted to be a mom. I already knew I was great at it, taking care of all my little brothers and taking over the responsibility of the house at such a young age...I was a natural. So choosing my daughter over school was a very easy decision. I do wish I could have done both, even though it would have been hard. I don't know how I would have worked, went to school and spend time with my baby all at once. But, no matter what I wanted to do for a career for the rest of my life didn't compare to being a mother.
Now, I bring this up because I've been thinking about school a lot lately. I tried doing school through the mail and have become certified in day care and I tried doing it again to get an Associates degree in Criminal Justice, but that fell through. I've been thinking about going back to finish to become a teacher, but of course it'll have to wait a bit longer. I was thinking about waiting until Zach is in school and maybe work part time so I can go back to school. The place I work will let me take classes in Business and Finance, but that's not what I want to do. I still hold a love of writing and photography. OH, how I wish I could put my pics from my camera on here for you to see, but since this is a work computer, I use the pics from my phone. Back in middle school I started writing a book. I worked on it a bit in high school, but its still unfinished. I want to finish that and maybe do a book or two of poetry. I have so many poems. A couple of my poems have won contests and have been published and all that jazz.
I know I'm only 25 and I have a little bit of time to get to where I want to be, but I just wish I had some direction. I know I don't want to be doing what I'm doing now. I can't go back to school until the kids are older and I have some money saved up or hubby's making great money.
I don't know.... this has just been on my mind for quite a while now. I'd like to go back to school, but I'm still unsure for what. So far, teacher is the front runner. Either elementary or high school. 2nd, 5th, or high school Science or English teacher. I do still want to write books and take pictures, but those can be more of a hobby, I guess.
One of these days I'll figure it out.
Here's some random pics of Zach..... I call the first one "Worried Look, Bubble Chin"


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