Monday, March 5, 2012

Its snowing

Its snowing like crazy outside. We had probably 4 or 5 inches and its still coming down. School is only on a 2 hour delay and I made it to work just fine.
I hung out with hubby's sister Saturday. We went to an event called Girls Just Wanna Have Fun mostly because her daughter was dancing with her dance team there. It was ok. There wasn't much to do and not a lot of people. Zach got up and danced with the dancers. It was adorable.
So, I'm eating better. My breakfast is either one banana and 4 strawberries cut up together or one package of oatmeal. Lunch is either a salad or soup, usually tomato or veggie. Dinner, I eat whatever I fix, I'm not going to put the rest of the house on a diet with me, but I only eat half of what I usually would. I snack on carrots and apples. I work out 4 days a week doing 30 mins cardio on a treadmill, elliptical, bike or the stair climber and 30 mins lifting weights doing just about every machine in the gym. I climb the stairs at work everyday, walk the parking garage when I'm using my cell phone and for lunch I take a half an hour walk. I'm trying real hard to lose weight. Since I've been doing this, I've gained 6 pounds and my clothes are tighter. My bff said that I will gain before I lose, but I don't like it. I feel like I'm working my ass off for nothing.
So... Sunday I went to visit my mom, her mom and my second ex step dad. Zach fell in the mud at moms, Lilly chased the chickens and played with the dogs. Stopped at my grandma's to tell her happy early birthday then went to my step dads to hang out for a couple hours. My 2 youngest brothers were there too. I like seeing all of them, but it feels like its getting more and more awkward. Like, they could go without my visits or seeing my kids. My step dad informed me that he is taking me off his will as executor and putting my oldest brother, Josh. Really? He is not capable of handling things like that. He can't even manage his own life, let alone someone else's. was like an arrow went straight through my heart. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but out of all of my mom's kids, I am the most responsible, mature, level-headed one. My brothers never grew up. Josh is letting his health go down the drain. He was diagnosed with diabetes, but he won't take his meds or check his sugar and he still eats and does whatever he wants. He is very overweight and so is his kid. His 8 year old son weights just as much as I do. He bounces from job to job. He finally has a good one, but he never has any money. He spends it all on Xbox games.
Yes, I'm venting...let me vent.
I have 2 healthy, happy, strong and active kids. I manage my money. I put the important things first. When someone needs me, I am always there. I might not come and visit that much, but if they called me and needed me for anything, I'd be there in a heartbeat. My youngest brother, Donavan just had his tonsils taken out, I was there. I was the only sibling there. I took time off my work to be there for him. When my mom was in the hospital after her heart attack, I was there everyday. I worked half hours so I could be there. Whenever Josh needed a babysitter, I was there. When he calls me for money, I don't think twice. When Chris was having all those problems with Dad, I was there. When Chris and Tony were going hungry, I was there to cook for them and leave them food.
I do all of this for my family and lately is seems like they don't want me to be a part of it. I found out from my dad's mom that all my brothers have been hanging out almost every weekend. I heard from my mom that my brother Chris has a girlfriend. I wasn't even invited to Josh's wedding. I had to hear it from Mom that he was getting married. It just really hurts. I'm sorry I don't come to your house everyday. I live kind of too far away to do that and my kids have their own things to do. None of my family, except my dad's parents, come to my kids birthday parties or Lilly's softball/soccer games.
Ok, ok... I think I'm done venting. I was telling my bff about what's going on and how I feel and she said that she's growing apart from her family too, that maybe its just a part of growing up. Is it? I don't want to be excluded from my family. I don't want them to push me away. I try to hard to be a part of their lives, but it seems they don't want me to be.
I can't think of anything else to write. I've done went and upset myself again..... Happy Monday everyone, and it does feel great to be back and get this all off my chest.
Oh, be sure to check out my smile blog. Its back up and running. I fixed everything, for now anway.

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